Harrison coughed nervously, and rose to a point of order.
‘I was going out to tea, too,’ he said.
‘I’m sorry, but I think you’ll have to scratch the engagement,’ said Venables.
Harrison made a last effort.
‘I’m fagging for Welch this term,’ he protested.
It was the rule at St Austin’s that every fag had the right to refuse to serve two masters. Otherwise there would have been no peace for that down-trodden race.
‘That,’ said Venables, ‘ought to be awfully jolly for Welch, don’t you know, but as a matter of fact term hasn’t begun yet. It doesn’t start till tomorrow. Weigh in.’
Various feelings began to wage war beneath Harrison’s Eton waistcoat. A profound disinclination to undertake the suggested task battled briskly with a feeling that, if he refused the commission, things might—nay, would—happen.
‘Harrison,’ said Venables gently, but with meaning, as he hesitated, ‘do you know what it is to wish you had never been born?’
And Harrison, with a thoughtful expression on his face, picked up a photograph from the floor, and hung it neatly in its place over the mantelpiece.
[5]
BRADSHAW’S LITTLE STORY
The qualities which in later years rendered Frederick Wackerbath Bradshaw so conspicuous a figure in connection with the now celebrated affair of the European, African, and Asiatic Pork Pie and Ham Sandwich Supply Company frauds, were sufficiently in evidence during his school career to make his masters prophesy gloomily concerning his future. The boy was in every detail the father of the man. There was the same genial unscrupulousness, upon which the judge commented so bitterly during the trial, the same readiness to seize an opportunity and make the most of it, the same brilliance of tactics. Only once during those years can I remember an occasion on which Justice scored a point against him. I can remember it, because I was in a sense responsible for his failure. And he can remember it, I should be inclined to think, for other reasons. Our then Headmaster was a man with a straight eye and a good deal of muscular energy, and it is probable that the talented Frederick, in spite of the passage of years, has a tender recollection of these facts.
It was the eve of the Euripides examination in the Upper Fourth. Euripides is not difficult compared to some other authors, but he does demand a certain amount of preparation. Bradshaw was a youth who did less preparation than anybody I have ever seen, heard of, or read of, partly because he preferred to peruse a novel under the table during prep., but chiefly, I think, because he had reduced cribbing in form to such an exact science that he loved it for its own sake, and would no sooner have come tamely into school with a prepared lesson than a sportsman would shoot a sitting bird. It was not the marks that he cared for. He despised them. What he enjoyed was the refined pleasure of swindling under a master’s very eye. At the trial the judge, who had, so ran report, been himself rather badly bitten by the Ham Sandwich Company, put the case briefly and neatly in the words, ‘You appear to revel in villainy for villainy’s sake, ‘and I am almost certain that I saw the beginnings of a gratified smile on Frederick’s expressive face as he heard the remark. The rest of our study—the juniors at St Austin’s pigged in quartettes—were in a state of considerable mental activity on account of this Euripides examination. There had been House-matches during the preceding fortnight, and House-matches are not a help to study, especially if you are on the very fringe of the cock-house team, as I was. By dint of practising every minute of spare time, I had got the eleventh place for my fielding. And, better still, I had caught two catches in the second innings, one of them a regular gallery affair, and both off the captain’s bowling. It was magnificent, but it was not Euripides, and I wished now that it had been. Mellish, our form-master, had an unpleasant habit of coming down with both feet, as it were, on members of his form who failed in the book-papers.
We were working, therefore, under forced draught, and it was distinctly annoying to see the wretched Bradshaw lounging in our only armchair with one of Rider Haggard’s best, seemingly quite unmoved at the prospect of Euripides examinations. For all he appeared to care, Euripides might never have written a line in his life.
Kendal voiced the opinion of the meeting.
‘Bradshaw, you worm,’ he said. ‘Aren’t you going to do any work?’
‘Think not. What’s the good? Can’t get up a whole play of Euripides in two hours.’
‘Mellish’ll give you beans.’
‘Let him.’
‘You’ll get a jolly bad report.’
‘Shan’t get a report at all. I always intercept it before my guardian can get it. He never says anything.’
‘Mellish’ll probably run you in to the Old Man,’ said White, the fourth occupant of the study.
Bradshaw turned on us with a wearied air.
‘Oh, do give us a rest,’ he said. ‘Here you are just going to do a most important exam., and you sit jawing away as if you were paid for it. Oh, I say, by the way, who’s setting the paper tomorrow?’
‘Mellish, of course,’ said White.
‘No, he isn’t,’ I said. ‘Shows what a lot you know about it. Mellish is setting the Livy paper.’
‘Then, who’s doing this one?’ asked Bradshaw.
‘Yorke.’
Yorke was the master of the Upper Fifth. He generally set one of the upper fourth book-papers.
‘Certain?’ said Bradshaw.
‘Absolutely.’
‘Thanks. That’s all I wanted to know. By Jove, I advise you chaps to read this. It’s grand. Shall I read out this bit about a fight?’
‘No!’ we shouted virtuously, all together, though we were dying to hear it, and we turned once more to the loathsome inanities of the second chorus. If we had been doing Homer, we should have felt more in touch with Bradshaw. There’s a good deal of similarity, when you come to compare them, between Homer and Haggard. They both deal largely in bloodshed, for instance. As events proved, the Euripides paper, like many things which seem formidable at a distance, was not nearly so bad as I had expected. I did a fair-to-moderate paper, and Kendal and White both seemed satisfied with themselves. Bradshaw confessed without emotion that he had only attempted the last half of the last question, and on being pressed for further information, merely laughed mysteriously, and said vaguely that it would be all right.
It now became plain that he had something up his sleeve. We expressed a unanimous desire to know what it was.
‘You might tell a chap,’ I said.
‘Out with it, Bradshaw, or we’ll lynch you,’ added Kendal.
Bradshaw, however, was not to be drawn. Much of his success in the paths of crime, both at school and afterwards, was due to his secretive habits. He never permitted accomplices.
On the following Wednesday the marks were read out. Out of a possible hundred I had obtained sixty—which pleased me very much indeed—White, fifty-five, Kendal, sixty-one. The unspeakable Bradshaw’s net total was four.
Mellish always read out bad marks in a hushed voice, expressive of disgust and horror, but four per cent was too much for him. He shouted it, and the form yelled applause, until Ponsonby came in from the Upper Fifth next door with Mr Yorke’s compliments, ‘and would we recollect that his form were trying to do an examination’.
When order had been restored, Mellish settled his glasses and glared through them at Bradshaw, who, it may be remarked, had not turned a hair.