After a short silence, Antonio smiled. “I’m glad that is settled. I will have someone escort you to the Guest House, Alora.” He called out a name, and one of the guards stationed outside the parlour stepped inside. “Please take this young lady to the room that I instructed to be readied for her. Thank you.”
Alora rose from her seat and flashed both Sam and me a grateful yet sorrowful smile. “Thanks for letting me stay, and for understanding why I need to be here.”
When the door closed behind her, Antonio looked warily from me to Sam. Oh shit, now what? “One more thing before you both leave: I have news from Sebastian. He has located Paige West.”
So not what I wanted to hear.
Chapter Nine
(Sam)
A whole hour. We spent a whole hour arguing over whether or not we should risk bringing Paige West to The Hollow. But we were still at stalemate, because neither of us was willing to back down. Jared had eventually walked away – a gesture that the conversation was over. He was now lying in the hammock on our balcony, totally silent.
And I bloody hated it.
The last thing that I wanted was to be at odds with Jared. Knowing that Evan, Max, and Stuart could die, seeing the pain on Alora’s face…All of that had brought with it an acute awareness of just how easily everything could end. How easily the people important to you could be taken away, just like that. I’d experienced it with a boyfriend that my Sire had killed – Bryce had been murdered in front of my very eyes. The pain of that loss had never left me, and nor had the memory of the look in his eyes just before Victor killed him. Even the thought of anything happening to Jared was ten times worse than having lost Bryce. The frightening fact was that it could just as easily have been Jared who was hurt in the tunnels. The very idea made ice-cold fear shudder through me. There was truly no such thing as immortality.
At any other time, I might have stormed after Jared if he walked away mid-argument. But although it looked as though he had petulantly walked off in a huff and was now sulking, I was connected to him on a level so deep that I knew it was much more than that. An all-consuming fear was tormenting him, haunting him, clawing at him. But there was more – pain and rage were bubbling and sizzling inside him…and he was desperately trying to hide it all from me. That realisation had stopped me dead in my tracks.
It was then that, having tapped fully into our bond, I’d realised something else. By fighting so hard with Jared on the subject of Paige West for the last few weeks, I’d caused him to pull back. Watching his twin deteriorate had swamped him with dark emotions, and by arguing with him, I’d more or less left him to deal with it all by himself. I’d made him feel that I wouldn’t support him purely because I disagreed with his decision about Paige. He thought that I’d tell him it was his own fault that he was feeling this way.
In sum, I’d made him feel totally alone.
Shit.
Jared didn’t function as others did. I knew that being raised by a narcissistic mother who emotionally and physically abused him had made him shut down in many ways. I knew that he didn’t share his pain with others because, in Evan’s words, emotions had always gotten Jared in deep shit. I also knew that, as a result, unless you literally dragged it out of him, Jared would bury it all deep. But I hadn’t expected him to do that with me, I’d thought we’d gotten past that. I was wrong. He’d buried the extent of his pain as deep as he possibly could. Oh I’d felt echoes of his pain and fear and anger through the bond at times, but I hadn’t realised the extent of it until now. All that optimism he’d shown had been his smokescreen.
I’d worked so hard since we got together to help him defeat this psychological impulse to hide his pain. I’d actually been making progress, but I’d clearly gone back a step because by not being there for him through all this, I’d made him retreat. He’d once described me as his refuge. Well I clearly hadn’t been that this time.
Maybe some would say that he needed to buck up and deal with his shit like an adult. But he’d become emotionally independent at a young age, was used to taking care of himself and not needing anyone. He’d let himself need me, and I’d gone and let him down. First by mentally retreating from him, and then by being pissed with him rather than being understanding. He hadn’t sulked, he’d just withdrawn. That, for me, was even worse than being cursed at or given the silent treatment.
Determined to ensure he didn’t feel alone any longer, I went out onto the balcony. To anyone else, he might have appeared totally relaxed lounging in the hammock, watching the waves lap against the shore. But I knew better. I could feel his turmoil, and it caused a hollow ache in my chest.
I stood beside him, but he didn’t say anything. He didn’t look at me or acknowledge my presence in any way. Yes, he was trying to irritate me by ignoring me like this. But he wasn’t being a hurtful prat. This was actually one of his sneaky little avoidance tactics; he was hoping that if he annoyed me, I would walk away and then we wouldn’t get back to arguing.
“I don’t want to fight again,” I assured him softly. “I’m done with that.”
His gaze flicked to me, examining my face. Then he effortlessly dragged me on top of him with one arm without even slightly unbalancing the hammock. Sad hazel eyes stared into mine as he brushed stray strands of hair away from my face. “Good. Neither do I.” That was one great thing about Jared. He didn’t brood endlessly or expect a dramatic apology before backing down. He’d easily accept a peace offering and happily move past the dispute.
“I just…I don’t want to watch them die, Jared.”
“Me neither, but I’m not going to change my mind.”
“I’m not here to ask you to. Like I said, I’m done with bickering.” His answering kiss was so gentle that it was more of a whispering of his lips over mine. “Please tell me you have some kind of plan because I’m all out of ideas.”
He sighed, returning his gaze to the ocean. “So am I, baby.”
And he hated himself for it, I could sense. He was literally wading in guilt. “Stop it, Jared. You did your research on The Call, you consulted several people, you surfed the V-Net, you spoke with Quentin Foy – you’ve literally done all you can to try to find a way to help them.” Apart from one thing, and I would bet my life that having me hound him about not letting Paige West come here had made him feel even guiltier. Crap. “Nobody blames you. And everyone who knows about Paige understands why you don’t want her here.”
His eyes darted back to mine. Wariness and doubt was swirling in their depths. “Even you?”
“Even me.”
“You’ll really stop fighting me on this?”
“What you need is for me to be here for you, and I haven’t. First I disappeared into my head. Then I fought you instead of being more understanding. But like you said, I’m stubborn – I can get so set on one path that I almost develop tunnel vision.”
The pad of his thumb breezed over my bottom lip. “We’re both guilty of that.” He exhaled heavily, looking like someone with the weight of the world on his shoulders. “It’s possible that she couldn’t have helped anyway. Covington said that he couldn’t be sure. I could have brought her here and put you in danger for nothing.” Again his thumb stroked my bottom lip. I bit the digit gently. He smiled, but it was strained. “Even if it had worked, Evan would have kicked our asses for taking the risk.”
“Exactly – you have nothing to feel guilty for because he would sooner reprimand you for taking risks than blame you for being careful.”