She clenched around his delving fingers. Ashamed, to make it so goddamn easy for him. It wasn’t right. She shoved at his chest, but without much strength. She was trembling, melting down.
And wondering, too, with what small measure of wit she had left, if sex might make him more mellow and receptive.
“You love it like this.” He wrenched open his belt. “I can feel it.”
“And? What if I do?” she responded, her voice shaking. “And besides. It’s not ‘it’ that I love. It’s you! Get it through your thick head!”
“Shut up, and let me work on the one thing we’ve got going for us,” he muttered, sliding the thick bulb of his cockhead up and down her slit.
“Don’t shush me, you son of a bitch—” Her protests were cut off as he kissed her. His kiss was angry and fierce, but so was she. She clawed at him, clutched him, cursed at him. Wound her fingers into his hair and kissed him as he spread her legs and nudged himself inside.
He thrust hard, driving inside all at once. It hurt, excited though she was. She cried out, and he stopped, lifting his panting mouth from hers. Staring into her shadowy eyes.
She jerked him closer with a furious yank. Ashamed to be sucked into that vortex of craving so instantly, but she was in it now, and there was nothing to do but ride it out to the end. Every plunging stroke of his cock was a licking lash of guilty delight. His hands on her breasts, his hot mouth, madly kissing her, his big body, pumping hard…yes.
She came, shuddering and wailing. He was still driving hard toward his own pleasure when she realized that he hadn’t used latex, but she couldn’t stop or even speak. Just whimper, at each wet slap of contact. His breath hissed with each jolt, gaining momentum, straining, jerking…and he flung back his head and came. And came, and came. Hot jets spurted inside her. He collapsed over her, panting.
Vivi stared up at the dark ceiling, pushed far beyond any recognizable emotion. Her fingers still wound into his hair, as if she could hold on to him. But no. He was slipping away. Receding into the distance.
And there wasn’t a goddamn thing she could do about it.
The sweat on their bodies was cool before either of them dared to move. He lifted his head, cleared his throat. “I, ah…I didn’t, um…”
“Yes,” she said. “I noticed that.”
He pulled himself out, stuffed himself back into his jeans, keeping his back turned to her. “Is it a dangerous time?” he asked.
“So-so,” she said. “I’m not too regular. Hard to say.” She got up, smoothed her skirt down. His sperm trickled hotly down her leg. “I wish I knew what you were trying to prove with this demonstration. That I’m a weak slut who can’t say no? That you’re stronger than me? What’s the message, Jack?”
“No message,” he said. “I just couldn’t stop. It’s that simple.”
She laughed, bitterly, and pressed her hand to her leaky nose, longing for a tissue. “Simple, my ass. You’re anything but simple.”
He sighed. “Jesus, Viv. This is hell. What do you want from me?”
“I want you to believe me when I say I love you,” she said.
He was silent for a moment. “Fine,” he said. “Marry me, then.”
She stared at him, dumbfounded. “Ah…what?”
“You heard me.”
She stared at his inscrutable silhouette, then got up and turned on the lamp on the table by the couch. His face was hard, as if he were bracing himself for a blow. She exhaled, slowly. “Jack,” she said.
“We’re already working on making a baby, right? So let’s go all the way. Tomorrow, we go to town. We’ll get our documents in order.”
“You bastard,” she whispered.
“Yes or no, Vivi,” he said. “It’s a simple question.”
Vivi chose her words carefully. “It’s not a simple question. It’s not a real marriage proposal. It’s a rocket grenade attack. You’re setting me up. And jerking me around.”
He grunted. “That sounds suspiciously like a no.”
“That sounds like an it depends,” she said. “If I said yes now, you wouldn’t believe me anyway. Not in the state you’re in.”
She put her hand against his chest. He stepped back. Her hand dropped. “But since you haven’t said yes, we’ll never know, will we?”
Dread twisted in Vivi’s stomach. “I need for you to believe me,” she said. “I can’t keep trying to convince you. You’re exhausting me.”
“So get it over with. Dump me, Viv. I can’t stand the suspense.”
Vivi pressed her hand against her trembling mouth. “Dump you? How can I? That would imply that we were involved in a relationship. But we never were, according to you. You never let me get that close. You just wanted to fuck me, remember? And stay in the moment. So that’s where I’ve been living, Jack. For weeks, now. The moment.”
He was silent for a moment. “The moment’s over.”
“Yeah. I see.” She mopped angrily at her eyes with the backs of her hands. “Party’s over, huh? Everybody out of the pool.”
“Time for you to move on to the next big adventure. No regrets.”
Vivi put both hands over her face to block out the sight of him.
“You can stay up in the apartment for as long as you need to, of course,” he added, stiffly. “I’m not throwing you out to the wolves.”
A derisive laugh jerked out of her. “As if I would. Don’t worry. I’m convinced. I’ll be gone as soon as I can pack.”
She wiped her hands on her skirt and started to walk past him toward the door. As if she were walking the plank.
One sign from him, the slightest softening, and she’d fall over backward. Marry him. Have his children. Weld herself to him. She stopped moving when she passed in front of him. Waited. Hoping.
“Better sooner than later,” was all he had to say.
Well, then. She walked on outside, as stiff as an automaton.
She went up to the apartment, began to pack. She hadn’t bought much stuff since she’d been there, just a set of Miraben’s plates. She’d been sprawled all over Jack’s life. Eating off his dishes, using his soap, sleeping in his bed. Too busy madly boinking to think of how she was going to feel when it all came crashing down on her head.
As she’d known it would. Goddamn it, she’d known. She was so pissed at herself.
She filled her arms with shopping bags, and staggered to the van. Soldier on, she told herself. You’ve been through worse.
But she didn’t feel strong. Why bother soldiering on? To where? She was going nowhere. Her life sucked. The Fiend was welcome to it.
Well, then again. Maybe she wouldn’t go quite that far.
Several of her new Miraben dishes broke as she tossed the box down onto the floor of the van. She didn’t bother to check how many.
Chapter
10
John waited until the last few people came out of the Wilder Gallery. An hour or so ago there had been an exodus of well-dressed buttheads flooding out of the big opening for some hotshot new artist. The ones trickling out now were the employees of the gallery itself.
He shrank back into the shadows behind a Dumpster as the skinny foreign slut came out. Her tits were shoved up into a glittering silver tube dress, her lips shiny with hot-red lipstick, and her black hair was freshly bobbed with cruelly short bangs, like a dominatrix. Wilder’s assistant, Damiana.
She was usually the last one to go, apart from Wilder himself. Probably stayed behind to suck the boss’s dick.
And there was Wilder, a few minutes later, stepping out the door. Last one to go. Bastard didn’t trust anyone else to close for him. First he armed the alarm with his remote, punching in a code. Then he got to work on all the locks and bolts. After came the rolldown metal door.