She shook her head, and managed to tell me "I don't care that you're not Daddy – I'm glad, even, 'cause I see how happy Mom is. And it isn't because you're having sex with her, either. It's…" before falling silent again.
After waiting a few seconds to see if she was going to continue, I finally asked "Then what is it, honey?"
She raised her head then, and I could see the disappointment and hurt on her face as she told me "I want to be with you, too, like Mom is! But even when I try to show you that I'm old enough, you don't pay any attention to me that way!" before lowering her head again.
To say that I was stunned at hearing that wouldn't even begin to cover it; when I looked over at Doris, it was plain that she was as shocked as I was at hearing what Gail had said.
When I'd gotten my wits back, I told Gail "Sweetheart, I'm flattered that you would want to be with me – really, I am. But remember that it wasn't so long ago that you turned fifteen. Fifteen, honey. That's less than half as old as I am, and it's too young for me to be with you that way; it's even against the law for anything like that to happen. Maybe you don't think I've noticed how much you've grown up, but I have. Didn't your mom tell you what I said about how you looked that night we went out?"
Talking in the general direction of her lap, Gail answered "I know I'm only fifteen, Jim! But I found out that a LOT of girls have sex by the time they're my age… even most of them. And I know that I'm a lot younger than you are, but I don't care! I don't want you to be, like, my boyfriend or anything; I just want to BE with you. I… I want you to be the one I give my cherry to, 'cause I know you'd be nice about it; not like the older girls I hear talking at school, that say it hurt and went too fast when they were with a guy the first time. I know there's laws against you being with me, too, but I'd never, ever say anything to ANYBODY about it, because you've always been so nice and everything, and I know how much you care about me. Yeah, Mom told me what you said, about me being lovely and how you were proud to have me with you. But if you really think I'm pretty, why won't you even look at me when I try to show you how nice I look?"
"Gail, just because I don't stare or say anything about it, that doesn't mean that I don't notice that you're growing into a very pretty and sexy young woman. Yes, a woman – but still a young one. Besides, I don't think your mom would appreciate it if I started looking at you too much, or saying anything about how you look or what you have on."
"But it's not like you're doing anything to trick me, or anything; I'm showing you how my boobs look because I want to. And don't think I don't still want us to be together, either! I was thinking about maybe finding out what sex was like even before you stayed with Mom that first time; and I was wanting you to really LOOK at me even before that. It wasn't until you'd stayed here a couple of times that I realized I wanted to be with YOU my first time. Sometimes I can hear it when you and Mom are doing stuff, and I can tell how good you make her feel – and I want it to be like that for me, too. I touch myself sometimes, and it feels good, and I've even had orgasms; but they've never been anything like what it sounds like happens to Mom when she's with you. I told you, I don't want us to be a couple or anything like that. I know how lonely Mom gets sometimes, 'cause I feel like that, too, and if you staying with her and everything makes her feel better, then I think that's a GOOD thing. I just want you to be with me, too, so I can feel better like that. But you won't even look at me!", she finished, the intensity of her crying picking up.
Even under the best of circumstances, I'm not that good about crying females. When it's one I actually like, it's even worse. Then to have her be so young… well, I wasn't in much of a condition to try and deal with her at that point.
Turning to Doris, I gave her a silent plea to take over.
I was looking at Gail again when Doris spoke up – something that made Gail jump a little, then blush when she realized her mother had heard everything she'd said. I was frankly surprised at how calm and patient Doris sounded when she told her daughter "Gail, honey, I know how you feel right now – honest. When I was your age, I had the same kinds of feelings and thoughts and everything that you're having now; and I know how hard it was for me to deal with them. Really, I haven't forgotten any of that. But I'm older now, too, and I've learned a lot of things since then; and I know how much the way I think has changed, too. I know you feel like you're all grown up, and ready to find out about sex, and all of that… I felt the same way. Now that I'm older, I'm actually glad that I didn't do any of the things that I wanted to so much back then. I know it's hard to hear, but that doesn't make it any less true: you're only fifteen years old, and there's still a whole lot that you don't know… and don't know that you don't know. I love you, honey, more than anything or anyone else in the world. The biggest reason that I wanted to get us out of there and get a divorce was because I didn't want you to grow up with him acting the way he did. I could have put up with it, but I didn't want YOU to have to. Sweetheart, I'd do anything to keep you safe and happy – and I just don't think that you being with a guy is the right thing for you yet. I'm not sure you really understand what it is you want, or what it means; and I'm afraid you'd get hurt – maybe physically, because you're not a full-grown woman yet, but more because I don't think you understand in your heart and in your mind what you want… from Jim or any other guy."
After sitting quietly for a while, Gail lifted her head and looked at her mother as she replied "I know you're worried about that stuff, Mom, and that you love me so much. But this isn't, like, the fifties or something, any more! I had sex education in middle school; I was hearing about things like people using their mouths on each other even before you had that 'growing up' talk with me that time. There's birth control now, and all kinds of sex talk, and sexy ads on TV and radio and all over the place. There's all kinds of magazines that have articles about sex, and how two people can try to make each other feel good, and how a girl can masturbate to make herself feel the best, and all that – and that's just in the women's magazines, like you buy! When we were still living with Daddy, sometimes I saw those movies he used to watch, and what the people were doing. Think about it, Mom… when you were growing up, didn't you learn a lot of stuff about boys and girls that wasn't on TV or in movies or anything? Do you really think that it's any different now? That with all the other regular sex talk, kids aren't learning even more than they did when you were my age? How many times have you told somebody that kids are more grown up, or mature, than when you were a kid? Even if you don't like it, can't you understand that I'M like that, too?"
Taking a deep breath, Gail went on by saying "Mom, I know that I couldn't go back to being a virgin if I had sex with someone; I don't think you understand that nobody really cares any more. I know that it could maybe hurt me the first time I have sex; that's why I want to be with Jim… because I know he really cares about me, and would try to make it hurt as little as he could. I know that being with a guy isn't just about the physical part of it; that I don't want to give a guy my body unless I'm willing to give him my heart, too – you told me that, when you explained about Jim staying with you. I understand it, too… and that's what I want to do, with Jim. I know there's laws against me and him doing things together; but those laws were written a long time ago, back when they thought women belonged to men, like a cow or a chicken. They changed the laws so that a woman isn't something a guy owns any more – but they haven't changed the laws that try to say I'm too innocent to know whether or not I want to have sex; or that if I do, it's because some guy 'tricked' me because I was stupid. How can they teach kids about something like birth control as though they think we're responsible enough to actually use it, and then tell us we aren't smart or responsible enough to decide about the sex that would happen after the birth control? We can choose to have the ice cream and the chocolate syrup and the whipped cream and the nuts – but not the cherry on top? How does that make any sense?", then lowering her head again a few moments later.