Miss Kathie says, “The very nice veterinarianexplained to me that Loverboy was poisonedwith cyanide.…”
Like so many others around here …
On the scripted page, Lilly Hellman parts theRed Sea and raises Lazarusfrom the dead. “After that,” she says, “I telephoned Groucho Marx and he says you never invited him tothe funeral.…” Her violet eyes flashing, she says, “Neither did youinvite Joan Fontaine, Sterling Hayden or Frank Borzage.” Her dulcet voice rising, MissKathie says, “The only person you did invitewas Webster Carlton Westward III.”
She swings the ream of paper she holds rolledin her fist, swatting the pages against the black ski mask, making thekitchen table jump. Miss Kathie screams, “I found this mask, tucked away—in your room.”
Such an accusation. My Miss Kathie says that Ipoisoned the Pekingese, then invited only the bright-eyed Webster tojoin us in the crypt so he could arrive bearing flowers at her moment ofgreatest emotional need. Throughout the past few months, while I’veseemed to be warning her against the Webster, she insists that I’veactually been aiding and abetting him. She claims I’ve been telling himwhen to arrive and how best to court her. After that, the Webster andmyself, the two of us poisoned Terry by accident. She says the Websterand myself are plotting to kill her.
Bark, honk, cluck… conspiracy. Oink, bray, tweet… treachery.
Moo, meow, whinny… collusion most foul.
On the screenplay page, Lilly Hellman turnswater to wine. She heals the lepers. She spins filthy straw into thepurest gold.
When my Miss Kathie pauses to take a breath, Itell her not to be ridiculous. Clearly, she’s mistaken. I am notscheming with the Webster to murder her.
“Then how do you explain this?” she says,offering the pages in her hand. Printed along the top margin of each, atitle. Typed there, it says, Paragon: AnAutobiography. Authored by Katherine Kenton.As told to Hazie Coogan. Shaking her head,she says, “I did not write this. In fact, I found it tucked under yourmattress.…”
The story of her life. Written in her name.By someone else.
Flipping past the title page, she looks atme, her violet eyes twitching between me and the manuscript she holds.Her pink dressing gown trembles. From the kitchen table, the empty skimask stares up at the ceiling. “ ‘Chapter one,’ ” my Miss Kathie reads, “‘My life began in the truest and fullest sense the glorious day I firstmet my dearest friend, Hazie Coogan.…’ ”
ACT III, SCENE SIX
We continue with the audio bridge of Katherine Kenton reading from the manuscript of Paragon, “ ‘… the glorious day I first met mydearest friend, Hazie Coogan …’ ”
Once more we see the two girls from thecasting office. In a soft-focus montage of quick cuts, the ugly girlcombs the long auburn hair of the pretty girl. Using a file, the uglygirl shapes the fingernails of the pretty girl, painting them with pinklacquer. Pursing her lips, the ugly girl blows air to dry the paintednails as if she were about to kiss the back of the pretty girl’s hand.
Miss Kathie’s movie-star voice continues, “‘… living and playing together, cavorting amidst the adoring legions ofour public …’ ”
In contrast, we see the girl with beady eyesand a beaky nose, watching as she tweezes the eyebrows above the violeteyes. The ugly girl kneels to scrape the dead skin off the pretty girl’sheels using a pumice stone. Like a charwoman, the ugly girl rocksforward and back with the effort to scrub the pretty girl’s bare backusing sea salt and elbow grease.
My Miss Kathie’s voice-over continues, “ ‘…living and playing together, working seemingly endless hours, Hazie and Ialways supported and urged each other forward in this festive endeavorwe so blithely refer to as life …’ ” She reads, “ ‘We lived so much likesisters that we even shared our wardrobes, wearing one another’s shoes,exchanging even our undergarments with complete freedom.…’ ”
As the montage continues, the ugly girlsweats over an ironing board, pressing the lace and frills on a blouse,then giving it to the pretty girl. The ugly girl bends to lather andshave one of the pretty girl’s long legs as it extends from a bathtuboverflowing with luminous bubbles.
“‘I scratched her back,’ ” the voice of MissKathie reads, “ ‘and Hazie scratched mine.…’ ” On-screen, the ugly girl delivers a breakfasttray to the pretty girl, who waits in bed.
“‘We made a special point to pamper eachother,’ ” says the voice-over.
In the continuing ironic montage, the prettygirl puts a cigarette between her own lips, and the ugly girl leansforward to light it. The pretty girl drops a dirty towel on the floor,and the ugly girl picks it up for the laundry. The pretty girl sprawlsin a chair, reading a screenplay, while the ugly girl vacuums the rugaround her.
The voice of Miss Kathie reads, “ ‘And as ourcareers began to bear fruit, we both savored the rewards of success andfame.…’ ”
As the montage progresses, we see the uglygirl become a woman, still plain-looking, but aging, gaining weight,turning gray, while the pretty girl stays much the same, slender, herskin smooth, her hair a constant, rich auburn. In quick cuts, the prettygirl weds a man, then weds a new man, then weds a third man, then afourth and fifth, while the ugly woman stands by, always burdened withluggage, shoulder bags, shopping bags.
In voice-over Miss Kathie says, “ ‘I oweeverything I’ve become, really everything I’ve attained and achieved, tono one except Hazie Coogan. …’ ”
As the ugly woman ages, we see her prettycounterpart laughing within a circle of reporters as they thrust radiomicrophones and photographers flash their cameras. The ugly woman alwaysstands outside the spotlight, offstage in the wings, off-camera in theshadows, holding the pretty woman’s fur coat.
Still reading from the manuscript of Paragon, Miss Kathie’s voice says, “ ‘We sharedthe trials and the tears. We shared the fears and the greatest joys.Living together, shouldering the same burdens, we kept each otheryoung.…’ ”
In the montage, an adoring crowd, including Calvin Coolidge, Joseph Pulitzer, Joan Blondell, KurtKreuger, Rudolph Valentino and F. ScottFitzgerald, looks on as the ugly woman places a birthday cakebefore the beauty. At that beat, we cut to the ugly one presentinganother cake, obviously a year later. With a third quick cut, yetanother cake is presented as Lillian Gish, John Fordand Clark Gable applaud and sing. With eachsuccessive cake, the ugly woman looks a bit older. The beauty does not.Every cake holds twenty-five blazing candles.
The reading continues, “ ‘Her job title wasnot that of secretary or acting coach, but HazieCoogan deserves credit for all of my finest performances. She wasnot a spiritual guide or swami, but the best, truest adviser any personcould ever treasure.’ ” Her voice rising, my Miss Kathie says, “ ‘Ifposterity finds continuing value in my films, humanity must alsorecognize the obligation of respect and gratitude owed to Hazie Coogan, the greatest, most talented friend forwhom a simple player could ever ask.’ ”
With this statement, the beauty inhalesdeeply, surrounded by the beaming countenances of celebrities, everyonebathed in the flickering light from the birthday cake. Leaning forward,she blows out the birthday candles, and the festive scene drops to totaland complete black. A silent, blank void.