"I know," he said, not looking up from the report he was reading. "I was hoping…. David could…."
"I know," she said. He had been hoping that for a while, back when he had first broached the idea to her. But David was not here, and neither of them knew where he was. It was more than a year since he had left, giving no explanation other than that he needed 'some space'. "But we do not know if he is ever coming back."
"He will be."
"But until he does…." Delenn was not sure if he would, but she did not try to puncture John's illusions. She had watched David's gradual slide into despair, seen all the wounds of body and mind he had suffered. Some such wounds never healed, and she doubted there was anywhere he could go where he could be truly made well.
"We'll appoint someone else until he does," John agreed. "Have you read this?"
"Probably." Delenn sighed. She doubted there was a single piece of paper anywhere on the station she had not read. "What is it?"
"Ranger reports. Some of the Dark Stars have been looking into these rumours we've been hearing all year. You know, the ones about those ships. Unidentifiable ships."
"I think I remember," she murmured. "What about it?"
"They haven't found anything. One of them hasn't come back, but there are still sightings. A Brakiri merchant ship almost ran into something in hyperspace just a couple of weeks ago. The description is…. like nothing I've ever seen before."
"There have always been stories, rumours."
"And if these are more? Dammit, what if it's the Shadows hiding out somewhere? Letting us think they've all gone, biding their time."
"We could send out another ship to investigate."
"No. They won't find anything. There's an old saying. 'If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.' Besides, I've been getting cabin fever. It'll be good to get back out into space again."
Delenn looked up, brushing a lock of hair from her eyes. "You will go yourself?"
"This could be important. It shouldn't have been left this long."
"We have been busy. The Drazi. These raiders. Securing trade routes…."
"There is nothing more important than making sure the Shadows don't come back, Delenn. Nothing. If this is them…. we have to know about it."
"I know that," she snapped. "But does this really need you? You are the General of the Alliance. What if…?"
She stopped. He was smiling, in that graceless, almost boyish way he had sometimes, rarely. "Is that just a Minbari way of saying you are going to miss me?"
She frowned, but could not help turning it into a smile. "I will miss you," she said softly. "When will you be going?" There was no point in trying in dissuade him, no point at all.
"The sooner the better. My crew is always ready, so we can leave tomorrow. We shouldn't be out that long. Perhaps…. a month or two."
"Tomorrow?"
"Early tomorrow." He looked at her, his head cocked slightly. "Are you doing anything important?"
"Well…."
"Anything that can't wait until tomorrow?"
"No," she said smiling. "Nothing that can't wait until tomorrow."
He moved forward quickly and took her hand, helping her to her feet. His lips met hers.
"Carpe diem," he whispered to her.
"I couldn't agree more," she whispered back.
He had died in peace, his eyes open unblinking to the light of the sun, the same eyes that now look at her with such wonder, with such love. His wounds are gone, the limp, the shattered spine, the mangled hand, the injuries he had sustained defending her and had struggled with all the remainder of his life, they are now gone. His soul is as perfect as she remembered.
"It is you, then," she whispers. "I had hoped. I had dared to dream that…. Why did you never tell me?"
"What could I tell you, my lady? I think I knew, but only a little. I had only the slightest idea. Whatever Sinoval did to me when he brought me back…. it could not keep me alive forever. Not even for long.
"But what time I had, I spent with you."
"You died alone."
"No, my lady. You were with me. You were always with me. Even when we were apart, even when…. You were always with me."
"I love you."
"And I have always loved you. You know that."
She nods. "I know that."
He walks forward, a slow smile playing across his face. With a hand once mangled and ruined he lifts up her chin, and a flicker of lightning passes through her at his touch. She looks up into his eyes, and is lost in them. Gone is the Satai, the leader, the orator, the woman who has weathered torture and loss and heartbreak. All that remains is the woman in love.
"You wear my necklace," he says, touching it gently. "I never finished it. I wish I had."
"I will always wear it."
He kisses her gently, and holds her against him. She cries into his shoulder.
"Why have you not gone beyond?" she asks him, after a while. "Why…?"
"The warrior I used to be would tell you I remained behind to guide those who would come after me, that I had delusions of becoming a spirit like all those great ones who fell. The worker I became would simply say that I waited for you.
"I will wait for you, and then…. we will pass beyond together, to be reborn into new lives, to experience new loves, to live the long life of happiness we were denied in this existence."
"Do you truly believe that?"
"I do."
"It is just…. so hard…. sometimes. I wake up in the middle of the night and reach for you beside me. I sometimes imagine you walking beside me. I go to ask your opinion and I realise you are not there. I need you."
"I have faith in you, my lady. I always did. I know just how strong you truly are. Our people are lucky to have you. They need you more than they realise."
"But what if I fail? What if I trip and fall? Who will pick me up when you are not there?"
"You will pick yourself up. You will learn from your mistakes and grow stronger from what does not kill you. You are not alone. You have allies and friends. You have me."
"You are gone. After tonight, the comet will pass and whatever door has opened to allow you here will be closed."
"You have my memory, and we both have tonight. We always knew we would never have eternity, but we loved in the little time we had, and before the end I found peace and acceptance and love. What more can any of us ask?"
"Tirivail…. Tirivail told me to tell you something."
"Yes?"
"She says you are not a coward."
She feels him smile. "I think she always knew that, but tell her that neither is she. It would please me if the two of you could become friends. She has a brave soul, and she will never betray you."
"I know. I know."
She feels him gently stroking the back of her neck. "What are you thinking, my lady?" he asks softly.
"That I wish time could slow, and stop, and that we could be here forever."