I had told him the truth about not dating very much in college. My focus had been singularly driven to find the right career path as was my passion. If I so chose, I worry about dating once I had secured a long term secure job. I needed to keep my guard up and not forget my true goals, no matter how much fun we were having.
"Do you remember," he said "When we played that joke on my brother?"
"Which one?" I asked. There had been many and just as many returned.
"The one where we made him eat shaving cream."
"Oh, I had almost forgotten that!" I burst into laughter. "We had made several bowls up to look like ice cream. Yes, I remember that."
"He was the only one that fell for it too."
"Everyone else saw right through it,” I said. "I remember Logan asking with suspicion why the dessert smelled like menthol."
"And then Channing comes in and dives into it."
We had laughed for ages over that incident. He had sputtered for half an hour trying to get the taste out of his mouth. I recalled some sort of retaliation had come from that.
Aiden's mother had her hands full with all the boys that most of the time she just let them hash it out with each other rather than get involved. She said it was good for their people skills, but I think she just had her hands full. I looked out over the city, letting the memory reignite my mind.
"Blair," Aiden said.
His tone had changed. I should have noticed, but I felt so relaxed that it all seemed natural. I turned to answer him, but my voice caught in my throat by the way he was looking at me.
He placed his hand on my neck in a gentle but firm grasp and pulled me to him. I knew what was coming instantly, but the contact of his lips set me on fire, awakening something that had long been forgotten. Losing myself in the moment I wrapped my arms around his neck, succumbing to his seductive kiss.
All at once I felt like the young girl back in high school walking down the road to our houses the day before I was to leave for college. I felt the same butterflies and desire for him to kiss me then just as he was now.
My mind traveled back even further to when the two of us had hidden in the tree house behind his home, me with my thick rimmed glasses, an awkward preteen. Even then I had wondered what it would have been like if he had kissed me. Yet here I stood with his lips on mine, teasing at me with the tip of his tongue, his arm wrapped firmly around my waist and the other caressing my neck and cheek.
I had become lost in the moment, completely forgetting any reservation that I may have had. On one level I was aware that my body betrayed me by returning the kiss. I had wrapped my arms around his neck, falling against him with our bodies pressed against each other, as my will weakened further.
I had no cares in the world that in that moment I had opened up the flood gates, exposing myself to the risk of losing any professional distance that i had worked so hard to maintain. We hadn’t even been together a week and already my resolve had cracked. The stars above us begin to wink on in the darkness competing with the bright city lights around us.
C hapter Three
I pulled away from him as an inkling of reason sneaked back into my thinking. Kissing him had to be the absolute worst thing that could have happened.
I felt a rush of embarrassment and confusion take over me as the adrenaline faded.
I didn’t know what had come over me, but I clung to the notion that I could still rectify the situation. Stepping back to gain some space between us, I pressed the back of my hand against my lips which still burned at the contact of him.
Did I dare to think about the last time I had been kissed like that?
Had I ever been kissed like that?
I couldn’t recall and the lingering weakness in my knees reminded me so.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"What do mean, what am I doing?" he said with a playful yet suspicious glare.
"Why did you do that?" I asked again.
I felt completely perplexed as to why I had reacted so easily after deciding not to pursue the thought. Since the first moment I had seen him I did everything I could to keep him at arm’s length.
I couldn’t afford to have feelings for him.
And I didn’t intend to start doing so now.
He relaxed his stance and smiled at me. I could see that he was trying to keep things light between us, but the strength of my emotions were taking over.
I felt angry, mainly at myself for having responded to him like I had.
There was no denying that, but as my anger bubbled over I had to find some place to aim it. Therefore the tone I took with him sounded accusatory.
That was fine with me.
He wasn’t playing fair.
I wanted to feel mad at him, as that was easier to handle than anything else I might feel in that moment.
"Blair," he began with a small smile. "I don't really know what to say. How do you want me to respond to that question?"
His reply left me more confused than ever.
"Aiden," I said trying not very hard to keep my voice calm. "Why did you suddenly try to make out with me just now? I thought… I thought this was just business."
"I didn't think..." He emitted a small laugh and ran his hand over the back of his neck. "I didn't think it would be that big of a deal."
I kept my distance from him giving him a serious side eye, trying to see through his response.
"The truth is," he continued. "I'm attracted to you, Blair. How could you not know? I have been for ages. You’re fucking gorgeous. And seeing you again..." His voice drifted off as he looked out over the city.
"What," I said.
"Seeing you again made me remember.... and here you’re. Even more goddamn beautiful that I remembered. I thought maybe you felt the same way. I thought I would take a shot."
I had to admit his words moved me just a little… only a little.
"Oh," I said. "I see."
He took a small step towards me reaching for my hand. In that fleeting moment I knew I had a choice. I could relax and let him take it, maybe tilt my head forward as he might lean in for another kiss. I could see where this went, letting the fates decide how our future might unfold.
But then my mind's drive took over slamming shut the steel door of opportunity.
I didn’t come here for a chance at the job of a lifetime, only to be distracted by a pretty face. I stiffened my posture and raised my hands to stop him.
"I don't feel the same way."
With those words I saw the laughter and camaraderie drain from his face. The light in his eyes dimmed and he stepped back casting his gaze to the ground.
"Fair enough,” he said, rubbing his left arm.
"I guess we should go home,” I said, turning towards the parking lot.
"Guess so," he said.
As we walked back I wanted nothing more than to find that lightness again, that easy friendship that had proven to be so fragile. Maybe if I punched him lightly on the arm and offered him Monopoly and chocolate cookies we could find that again.
I doubted it.
We continued on in silence until we arrived at our vehicles. Our cars were the only two left in the lot, framed in the circular light of the lamp posts. He walked over to his car without even saying goodbye.
I felt badly for ending things in such a way after having had such a fun evening. I never wanted to hurt him either, but I had to make him believe that I didn’t have any feelings for him. This was as much for his good as for mine. For the briefest of moments I wondered who I was trying to convince, him or me.