"Aiden," I called after him over the top of my car. He turned with his hand on the handle of his door. "For what it's worth, I had a good time tonight. I'll see you tomorrow at work?"
"Yeah," he said, but the pain still reflected in his eyes.
He pulled his door open and vanished without another word.
The drive home left me feeling perplexed and angry. I wanted this job more than I had wanted anything before in my life, but I couldn’t deny even to myself that I had feelings for him.
Perhaps, I thought, these are just remnants of a childhood crush.
That's all.
There is nothing to analyze here. Of course I reacted the way I had when he kissed me. It would have been the same if I had met an old movie star that I admired or something like that.
What girl hasn't fantasized about an unexpected kiss from an attractive friend?
It was just a kiss after all, I said to myself. Tomorrow we will have forgotten the whole thing and be focused on the case. Other than that there is nothing else to worry about.
But the look the he had given me before he had opened his car door told me otherwise. He had looked like a wounded animal, and I shared that pain. Largely because I was responsible for causing it.
I arrived home to find Kelsey sitting on the couch going over some lines, with her feet tucked under her knees and a cup of tea on the table.
I was glad to see her.
I wanted to share my internal conflict with her and see what advice she might have. She closed her script book, laying it aside as I stepped into the apartment and leaned my head against the door.
"What am I going to do?!" I lamented before even saying hello.
"It's nice to see you too, Blair," she said. "How was your day?"
I rolled my eyes.
"I have a big, big problem,” I exclaimed.
"Have a seat," she gestured. "I'll make you some tea."
She stood and headed to the kitchen.
I opted to change clothes first, shedding my work clothes into a pile on the floor and pulling on my comfy cotton night gown. I emerged from my room, having shed some of the stresses of the day with my change of clothes, just as she finished in the kitchen. We headed to the living room and she handed me the cup of tea that relaxed my senses immediately.
"So what's going on?" she asked.
"Do you remember Aiden, from high school?" I asked.
"The skinny kid?" she asked.
"Yeah. He and I used to run around together all the time."
"Aiden Player!" she exclaimed recalling his name. "Of course!"
"He's my partner at the firm,” I said. "And my competition for the full time position."
"You’re kidding me!" She pulled herself up fully on to her knees clutching her teacup in both hands. "Didn't you guys used to date?"
"No, we never dated,” I clarified. "We were just really good friends. Most people thought we were dating though."
"I always thought you guys dated. Anyway, did something happen?"
I took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of my herb tea and letting myself relax.
"Well for one thing," I began. "He's completely hot now. He grew up a little, that's for sure. But what is most unsettling I think is that he is really good at his job. We've worked together for two days so far and he has a knack for finding details in the evidence that the rest of us might miss."
"Oh whatever, get to the good part,” she said glancing at the clock. "I know you haven't been at the office working on the case until this late at night. What happened?"
"We went out for dinner after,” I said. "It had been a long day, so whatever. No big deal really. "
"What was it like to see him again?" she asked.
"It was great at first,” I said. "That's what so confusing. Here is this old friend of mine, and I'm in this new city and I don't know anyone other than you. Of course I'm going to feel drawn to him, right?"
"It only makes sense," she said. "I mean you guys were pretty close back in the day."
"Yeah, we were,” I said, setting my cup down on the table. "But this doesn’t change anything. I'm still going after this job. I can't not go after it. Just because he's an old friend doesn't change the fact that this is the best opportunity I've ever had. I have to take him down."
"I feel as if you aren’t telling me everything,” she said.
I glanced in her direction and saw her inquisitive eyes boring into me.
"Okay fine," I said. "After dinner, we were walking back to the parking lot. Kind of taking the long way. The weather was nice, the city lights. We had just had this wonderful night out together, and he kissed me."
"No way!" she gushed. "What was it like? Did you kiss him back?"
"Of course not!" I insisted. "Maybe a little. I don't know!"
"What are you going to do?" she asked.
"I don't know,” I said. "I mean I'm not going to do anything to jeopardize the job, that's for sure. Besides I don't have feelings for him. I mean it's nice to see him, sure. But I don't feel that way about him." I looked over to see Kelsey giving me a significant look. "I don't!" I insisted.
"I don't buy it,” she said. "It's all over your face. This is more than just a reconnection with an old friend. Besides you didn't really answer my question. Did you kiss him back?"
"Oh god," I said, burying my face in my hands. "I think I did."
"I knew it," she said.
"What should I do?" I said.
"Well," she said, tapping her chin thoughtfully. "On the one hand you have worked way too hard to let anything come between you and that which is rightfully yours. You shouldn't let anything keep you from that, especially a man. Even this man,” she insisted.
"Yeah," I said, my eyes drifting down toward my tea.
"On the other hand," she said. "What's the harm in having a little fun?"
"What?" I said at her sudden turn.
"I mean you said yourself that he was hot."
"Did I?" I asked, batting my eyes with affected innocence.
"Yes! As long as you can keep things separate, why should you lose out? I mean you guys have that history. It's almost a perfect match. Why shouldn't you rekindle the friendship because of a job?"
"I don't think it's friendship that he is interested in."
"Or you," she said, giving my shoulder a slight nudge.
"Come on. Don't rub it in,” I said. "What's on television?"
I grabbed the remote and turned on the set, happy to have a mental distraction for a little while, ready to unwind for a few minutes before going to bed.
The next day I headed to work. I had hoped that a good night’s sleep would have brought me closer to an answer on how to proceed, but to no avail. I had awoken just as confused as ever, no closer to figuring out what I wanted to do.
When I stepped into the office a few moments later, I discovered that Aiden had already arrived ahead of me and Mr. Mahoney was beginning to lay out the case files. I greeted them both in a cool, professional tone, and kept up that demeanor as we began our work.
I tried to ignore Aiden, speaking to him only when I had.
We had another full day ahead of us, and I wanted to focus on the details of the case. Finally Mr. Mahoney stepped out for a while, instructing us both that he would return later to view our progress.
"Blair," Aiden said as soon as the door closed behind the senior partner. "Can we talk about last night?"