That’s how I knew what I felt for Nathan wasn’t merely lust. Lust was blind to what we desired most: an emotional connection. And any misgivings I had about changing my major were eliminated with each drop of water down the drain. Whatever this was, it was worth exploring. I didn’t want Nathan to be my secret anymore. I pressed my lips into his shoulder and felt his at my forehead. Nothing could have dragged me from his embrace in that moment.
I felt him murmur something in my hair, but the water was too loud that I couldn’t hear him. “Hm?” I asked, leaning my head to hum the word in his ear.
His hands gripped tighter into my back, as if he was afraid I’d move away. “I like this,” he said, as if admitting it was some big secret.
I laughed softly. “Judging by the bulge against my belly, I’d say you do.”
“Shh,” he admonished, still holding me tightly. “I’d have to be dead not to get a hard on for you, Adele. But this—just holding you.” He paused, running a finger over my spine. “We don’t do this enough.”
His words wound around my heart, squeezing. If I wasn’t careful, I knew he could bruise my heart very easily. I lazily kissed his neck and said, “I concur.” A contented sigh slipped past my lips and we continued to stay still under the water, just holding on to each other. The comforting rise and fall of his chest against me could have lulled me into a very peaceful sleep, but as soon as I yawned into his chest, he pulled back.
“Do you want me to wash your hair?”
Again, the noose around my heart squeezed. Unable to say anything, I just nodded. Our surroundings were fogged from the steam, so even if I wanted to look away from him, I wouldn’t be able to see anything but us.
I watched him pour a handful of shampoo into his palm before he rubbed it between his hands and began massaging my scalp. It was heavenly, having his fingers pressing into my skin. The tension I hadn’t known I carried released and I nearly groaned in the sheer ecstasy of it.
Pressing a finger beneath my chin, he tilted my head back under the spray, allowing the water to wash away the soap. His finger moved down the center of my neck and came to my shoulders. His other hand came up and both cradled the back of my head under the spray, massaging against the roots as he rinsed my hair. I felt exposed to him like this, with my eyes closed and my head back, my chest stretched in front of him.
Slowly, his fingers moved to my neck, rubbing circles into the skin. He continued over my shoulders, his fingers working magic into my muscles. His thumbs pressed into the spot where my neck met my shoulder and rubbed away every bit of tension I carried.
“Ahhh,” I sighed, spellbound. “You have miracles in your hands.”
He chuckled, cupping one hand at the base of my scalp and moving the other to my chest. I lifted my head, opening my eyes weakly. His eyes were the brightest specks of blue, even in the mist that surrounded us. And the way he looked at me, as if I’d just pleasured him instead of the other way around, was quietly, but somehow delightfully, unnerving.
“I definitely owe you for that,” I said, reaching my hands into his hair.
He placed his hands on my wrists and pulled my hands away. “No,” he said, pressing a kiss to my open palm. “I did that because I wanted to.”
This serious Nathan was different from the other serious Nathan I knew. Maybe it was because he seemed to be serious about us, about me. I wasn’t just a student or even a woman he was fucking; I was something more. And it relieved me. I wasn’t alone.
The profound impact of that realization nearly knocked me off my feet. I’d felt so alone most of my life between a mother who longed for her husband and a father who had treated me like an intrusion. Even with Leo, I’d felt a little out of place with my impulsivity. But, with Nathan I found a place I belonged.
Nathan pulled me out of the shower and wrapped a towel around me before wrapping one around himself. As he towel dried my hair, I was overcome with gratefulness and leaned forward, kissing him deeply.
Somehow we made it into the bedroom. Nathan threw back the sheets before hooking a finger in the knot at the center of my towel, opening it and letting it fall to the floor. He lifted me onto the bed gently, as if I was made of porcelain. With his palms, he spread my knees to allow him room to step between them and then he framed my face in his hands.
The kiss was gentle at first, his lips just teasing mine, back and forth. But my lips were hungry, and I bit down before soothing it with a lick. Over and over I bit and licked until Nathan climbed over me on the bed.
His lips paused above mine when I took control and wrapped my legs around his waist, placing my pussy right against his cock. A breath passed between us, from his lips into mine, before he rocked forward, sliding into me.
When my orgasm built and crested, Nathan gripped a fistful of my hair in his hands, giving me the bite of pain I needed to fall over the edge with him.
“Adele?” his words were soft, whispered in the dark.
“Hm?” I mumbled, rolling over. My hands met his chest and I sighed. My muscles felt deliciously relaxed from the shower massage and the sex.
“We fell asleep. We should eat something.”
“Let’s go out,” I said, remembering that we could now.
I felt the shake his head. “No. I’ll order pizza.”
“No,” I moaned, rubbing a hand over his chest. “Let’s go out to dinner. Out of town. Just you and me and two giant plates of spaghetti.” I pressed a kiss to his perfectly sculpted pectoral. “Say, ‘Yes, Adele. Not only are you pretty and charming, but you’re full of great ideas, Adele.’”
His laugh bounced my head off his chest and he flipped me over, pinning me underneath him. “You are very pretty,” he murmured, kissing the corner of my lips. “And charming.” He kissed the other side of my lips. “And while I like most of your ideas, there’s that pesky little thing like me possibly losing my job and you losing your scholarship if people find out. But let me show you where you can get the greatest pizza in Boston and we’ll eat it naked,” he rubbed a hand down my chest, pulling the sheet down, “in bed.” He kissed me fully and then rolled over to his side.
I needed to tell him about changing my major. “Do you have to pick it up?” After rolling over, I nuzzled into the pillow.
He kissed the top of my head and ran a hand over my hair. “I’ll order delivery, but I left the menu downstairs. What do you like on your pizza?”
“Anything is fine. Do you have wine?”
“Wine and pizza?”
I felt him leave the bed and heard the sounds of him grabbing our clothes from the bathroom and bringing them back to the bedroom.
“Sure. I feel like celebrating.” A smile spread my lips, but he couldn’t see me in the darkness. I held a hand to my chest, hoping to hold on to the happy for a while.
“Celebrating what?”
As I was about to answer, I heard the sound of glass falling and Nathan muttering a curse. The lamp on his nightstand switched on, and I blinked as I adjusted.
“What happened?”
Nathan, towel wrapped around his waist, gestured to the puddle of water on the nightstand and the floor. “I was trying to turn on the light, but I knocked over the water.”
“Just go,” I said, climbing out of bed and picking up my discarded towel. “Order pizza and I’ll wipe this up.”
“Okay. I’ll be right back.” I heard his footsteps leave the room.
I wrapped the sheet around me and grabbed the towel. I sopped up the mess on the floor and moved up the wood, sliding the towel under the handles of the drawers. As I wiped the water from the table top, I realized the top drawer was slightly ajar and I opened it to wipe out the water that had surely dripped inside.
The papers on top were wet with angry, large splotches blurring the words in their center. Pulling them out, I saw a small, redwood box.
Even as my hand reached in to pick up the box, a small voice in my head registered that I shouldn’t pick it up. But I was deaf to anything but the rush of blood in my ears as I snapped the lid open.