She chuckled. “If your father hadn’t left us before you were born, we wouldn’t be living in a dump, Joss. I got pregnant when I was your age and your grandparents kicked me out for getting knocked up. I thought your father would take care of me. Instead, he left me at a gas station in the middle of nowhere between here and Fort Lauderdale.
“I didn’t know what to do or where to go. I thought your father loved me. I thought he wanted to be with me. I was young and stupid and so wrong. Luckily, I met Tony at a diner I’d walked to. After he’d bought me some food, he drove me here to Miami and gave me a room in his house. Long story short, after I had you and was able to have sex again, I started working for him.”
I hadn’t asked many questions after that. I didn’t want to know what was going on when she left the house. I kept her profession a secret, even after Seth became a cop in D.C. Mother mentioned recently that her duties had changed a little—I still didn’t ask questions. All I knew was she dressed more business like now. Her skirts were a little longer. Her shirts covered more. She seemed happier, but Bryce and I continued to be on the back burner.
Every night was the same. She left around four in the afternoon and I stayed home to feed us, make sure our homework was done and that Bryce went to bed at a decent hour. On school days, I took Bryce next door to Mrs. McKenna’s before I took the bus to school. She was the one who took him to school and picked him up when it was over because Mother was sleeping at those hours. I wasn’t sure if Mrs. McKenna knew what Mother did for a living, but I wasn’t going to tell her. I felt terrible that she cared for a child who wasn’t her own, but I saw the love in her eyes when it came to him, and I was only a kid myself. I had no other choice.
Now I only had one more year until I was an adult. I wasn’t sure what was after high school for me. I didn’t want to stay home and take care of Bryce. I loved him, but I wanted to get a job, save up money, and move out on my own. I wanted to be roommates with Cat, go to parties and live wild and free. But I knew college wasn’t in my future, not even community college. I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to afford my share of the rent, pay bills and obtain a degree. Hell, I didn’t even know what I wanted to be when I grew up.
As I stared out the window, thinking about my future and the year to come, there was a slight knock against the screen of the front door. “Mrs. McKenna,” I greeted. I always used her formal name. I was introduced to her as that and it had stuck.
“Happy birthday, dear. You have a phone call.” She smiled and reached her hand out to pass me her cordless house phone. “I’ll watch Brycie. Go ahead and use my phone inside.” She motioned with her head toward her trailer.
I took the two steps down while holding the screen door so it didn’t slam and wake Mother. “Thank you.” I beamed and switched spots with her. I walked a few feet before speaking into the phone to Seth. “Please tell me for my eightieth birthday you’ll show up and not just call?” I grinned then gave a slight chuckle into the receiver while I stepped into the other trailer that was less than twenty feet away.
Seth’s mature voice rang through as he spoke. Over the years, I’d heard it change into a deep manly voice and now it did things deep in the pit of my belly that made me grin like a complete fool whenever we spoke. “I’ll show up as your knight in shining armor. Should it be on a white or black horse?”
I laughed again. “How about a white or black car?”
“I could do that if I picked you up at the airport here.”
“Oh my God. I could just see the look on people’s faces as I got in the back of a D.C. squad car.”
“Want me to handcuff you too?”
“No way!” For a split second, images of being handcuff naked with Seth kissing his way down my body flashed in my head. Teen hormones were no joke, but I was waiting. I wasn’t sure if I was waiting to be with Seth when I turned eighteen and legal—since he was a cop and twenty-one, or if I was waiting until I found someone special. All I knew was I didn’t want to treat sex like my mother did.
“I’m only joking, Joss.”
I smiled as I envisioned him smiling on the other end. I loved his smile. When he did, his mouth curved enough to cause his cheeks to meet his eyes, and when they squinted, you knew you had a genuine smile out of him. I knew at that moment—on the other end of the phone—he was giving me that smile. We were silent for a few beats as I looked around at the pictures of Seth from his childhood that were scattered throughout the small living room.
“It’s actually white.”
“What?” I asked, my eyebrows scrunched in confusion.
“The squad car. It’s white with red decals and blue writing.”
“Oh. Well, I’ve never been on a plane before. Not sure if I’d even make it up to see you.”
“You’ve never been on a plane?”
I frowned. “Nope.” I’d actually never left the trailer park for more than one night.
“All right. For graduation, I’m taking you somewhere on a plane.”
I sighed and fell back onto the cream colored velvet couch with burnt orange roses. “Aw, man. I gotta wait over a year?” I was teasing, but getting away sounded like heaven, especially with Seth.
“Not my fault you’re a baby. We gotta wait to get you an I.D. so you can go places since Cruella won’t let you get one.”
“I have my school I.D.”
“Tempting, but you’re still a baby.”
I rolled my eyes. “And you’re still an ass.”
“Not my fault you don’t have an older brother. I have to step up.” I cringed at the word brother. “Anyway, birthday girl, I gotta go. Duty calls and all that shit—”
“Yeah, yeah, go catch those bad guys.”
He chuckled. “Have Grandma cook you something good for dinner. You know she will.”
“I know,” I sighed. “I just want cake.” And candles … And to make a wish as I blow out the candles.
“She’ll bake you one, Josie. She makes a mean ‘better than sex’ cake.”
“Come again?” I covered my mouth with my hand as the words spilled from it. Sex. Cum. Talking to Seth about sex and cum. Fuck my life.
“It’s a chocolate cake, Joss. And it’s fucking awesome.”
“All right. Go catch those bad guys and I’ll just be over here having an orgasm while I eat cake.” I hung up the phone before he could respond. I wanted the last word and I wanted him to think about me having an orgasm … even if I was a baby in his eyes.
Fucking teenage hormones.
After placing the phone back on its cradle, I returned to my trailer. Mother was still asleep and Bryce was just coming out of our room, running with a sheet of binder paper in his hand.
“Shh, B, you’re gonna wake Mom.” I gave Mrs. McKenna a tight smile after I lifted my finger to my mouth.
“I drew you a birthday cake,” he whisper-shouted.
“I love it,” I whispered back and took the paper from the palm of the hand my mother had used as an ashtray.
I was thirteen and Bryce was only four. Mother had the night off from her job, which was rare, and we were watching 101 Dalmatians. We didn’t have cable and the only VHS cassette we owned was the cartoon from 1961, so we knew this movie by heart. I hated when she was home because she was usually pissed off at us, and she’d end up passed out on the couch after drinking a bottle of gin. This night was no different. She was angry at Bryce for something that was “all his fault” and he was crying. Before I knew what was happening, she’d yanked his hand and used it as an ashtray. I rushed him over to Mrs. McKenna’s trailer, telling her he’d burned it on the stove. She bandaged his hand, and when we returned home, Mother was passed out on the couch. The next few months, Mrs. McKenna made sure to check on us nightly.
“Want me to bake you a cake?” Mrs. McKenna asked.
“That won’t be necessary. She won’t be home.”