Much to her frustration, her anger brought tears to her eyes. Not because of the way the men were acting, but from a memory she’d been trying to bury for months. Adam. He’d never treated her like a freak, gawking and staring. Adam had always acted as though her clothes were normal. He’d even told her he liked her hair short. When he looked at her, he didn’t just see a man or woman, he saw her.
“I’m sorry about Rafe.” Tyler reached for the bag. “He’s just having a little trouble seeing that you’re still our Nick, no matter how you’re dressed.”
Nichole switched the bag in her hands, moving it away from his grip. “And you, Tyler? Are you still my friend?” She could tell he was as shocked as Rafe, only for some reason Tyler was trying to please her with his words, something she could never remember him trying to do. She’d always seen him as a good fighter who had little to say.
“Of course,” he answered. “It’ll just take a little getting used to. You’ve always been able to count on me, Nick.”
He couldn’t hide the smile that spread across his face, and she knew things would never be the same between them. He seemed to have developed a twitch that kept lowering his eyes to her bosom.
“Wolf says I’m to take you into town.” Tyler tried to focus on her face.
“All right,” Nichole mumbled as she gave Wolf a quick hug good-bye. It was one of the few times they’d touched, and though both tried, the hug was awkward. They moved only close enough to pat one another on the back a few times and then stepped away.
“Don’t give the McLains any trouble,” Wolf ordered. “They’re good folks.”
She nodded and climbed into the buckboard. Tyler rounded to the other side and climbed in beside her. Nichole stared hard at her mountain of a brother. She knew he’d find her when this trouble was over, there was no need for him to repeat himself. He loved her, though she doubted he’d ever say the words.
When she and Tyler were out of sight of the others the darkness closed in around them and Nichole relaxed. She was at home in the early spring night. Now her clothing didn’t matter, she and Tyler were only voices.
“Tyler?” She finally broke the silence. “Could you be honest with me?”
“Sure,” Tyler volunteered.
“Completely?”
“Completely.”
“How do I look? I mean as a woman.”
He pulled the reins and stopped the horses. She fought down nervousness as he turned toward her. He was her friend. She had nothing to fear from him.
“You look great, Nick,” he answered. His voice was lower than normal. “You are prettier than just about any woman I ever seen.”
“You haven’t seen all that many.”
“I’ve been around a few,” he said defensively.
“Then why did you and Rafe act like such fools? Wolf told you I was his sister days ago. You knew I was a girl.”
“I guess it didn’t soak in until we saw you in that dress. Nick, a man treats a woman different and that’s a fact. I may try not to say anything, or look at you, but that don’t keep me from thinking things. And after seeing you in that dress, things will always come to mind when I’m with you.”
“What things?”
“Things it wouldn’t be proper for a man to tell a woman he’s thinking even if they’re on his mind.” Tyler said the words slowly as if they made sense.
“But we’ve been friends for three years. I’ve heard you talk about everything. I heard all about that night you left the camp and went into Cortland last year.”
Tyler slapped the horses into action. “That wasn’t something you should have heard. A woman shouldn’t oughta hear about another woman.”
“I don’t need another brother telling me what to do!” Nichole snapped. “Give me the reins. Suddenly, I’m in a hurry to be rid of the lot of you.”
Tyler resisted for a second, then gave her the reins. In truth, they both knew she could drive a team better than him, but she sensed her action hurt his pride. He was right about one thing. It would never be the same between them now that he’d seen her in a dress.
When they arrived at the station, the train was already loading. Several groups stood saying good-bye as soldiers stood at attention near the center of the platform.
“Now, act like a lady, damn it!” he whispered as he forced her to allow him to help her down. “All you got to do is get on this train, and you’ll be safe in two hours.”
Nichole’s fingers dug into his arm as he walked her down the platform. She shortened her steps, making moving in the dress easier.
She thought briefly of breaking away and running back to Wolf. If she raised enough ruckus, he’d allow her to stay. She knew he would. The only thing that kept her going along with this plan was the possibility that he might just be right. Wolf had a quick sense about danger, and if she was captured with the others, it could go badly for her. They might hang the men, but Wolf said they’d send her to one of those women’s prisons. She’d die if she were locked up.
Tyler handed her the ticket. “Wolf said you’ll catch a stage tomorrow night. He wired a Doc Wilson in Corydon and received word that the McLains are in Fort Worth, or at least they were a month ago.” Tyler looked worried. “You sure about these Yanks, Nick? I wish there were somewhere else to send you. I don’t like the idea of sending you to folks we don’t know.”
Nick thought of hitting him hard on the side of his head. He’d caught Wolf’s illness of being overprotective. Only the knowledge that one of the soldiers was watching kept her hand lowered.
“They’re good men,” Nichole reassured Tyler, who was now back into the big-brother role again.
“Nick… Nichole.” Tyler moved his hand slowly down her arm. Something he’d never done. “When this trouble is over, I plan to come with Wolf to fetch you. If these McLains mistreat you, they’ll answer to me.”
“You do whatever you like.” Nichole pulled away. “But if any man mistreats me, he’ll answer to me.”
She looked up into Tyler’s gaze and knew he was about to kiss her. Without hesitation, she turned and stepped onto the train as it shifted and moved. She offered him her hand. “Take care, Tyler.”
“Take care,” he answered as her hand slipped from his grip.
Nichole took the last seat in the car and watched Tyler disappear into the night. He’d been a good man and a good friend. He’d never hurt for the sake of hurting, or killed for the fun of it. Tyler had never been unfair or dishonest. He wasn’t more than five years older than her and she had always thought of him as handsome.
So why hadn’t she let him kiss her good-bye? She thought about it until she fell asleep and still couldn’t come up with an answer. She had no one. The only man she’d allowed close to her was married by now. But even if he were single, they were worlds apart.
At Memphis, she switched to the Butterfield Stage Line and grew more exhausted by the hour. The trip was dusty and hard during the day, and by night she was housed with the women and crying babies. Nichole wanted to ask to sleep outside with the men, but didn’t dare.
The only thing she found enjoyable about the trip was the surprisingly warm friendships she made with the women. People thrown together for hours looked for anything to help pass the time, and there was something about a stranger you’d never meet again that made conversation easy.
The women talked of their lives during the war, making Nichole realize for the first time the men weren’t the only ones who had paid a price. Their natural mothering instinct seemed to want to take her under their wing. Wives told Nichole of their future and the widows talked of the past.
One night, near Fort Smith, Nichole told a small circle of women that her mother had died and there were so many questions she wished she’d asked her about being a woman. The group seemed to take up the cause of telling her all kinds of bits of wisdom mothers pass on to daughters.