Martha set a plate in front of him, but Travis wasn't hungry. He didn't want to eat, or read, or talk, or even look out the window. It had taken him some time, but he'd finally reached the bottom of the well. He felt he could sink no lower and still be breathing. All he'd ever loved to do in this life had been taken away from him. Since he'd been eighteen his career had defined him. He'd not only lost being a Ranger, he'd lost himself.
"Something wrong with the pot roast?" Martha asked with a poke to his shoulder.
Travis looked up from his plate. "It's fine," he growled. If she had her way, he'd not only be crippled, but fat. "I thought I'd wait for the jury's verdict before I eat." His brothers and Sage did look like they were about to pronounce sentence on him.
Martha huffed and left the room. She never wanted any part of what she called their "family business."
Travis waited for the door to close. He knew the others had been talking about him behind his back. Hell, he'd been so short-tempered, he wouldn't be surprised if they'd voted to send him to the bunkhouse. Leaning back in the chair, he crossed his arms and waited to hear what they had to say.
His older brother stood first and paced in front of him. "You're alive, Travis." Teagen stated the obvious. "Stop storming around here like you're in hell."
Travis swore and lifted his cane. "I can't seem to get rid of this. What kind of Ranger walks with a cane? I can't even get in a wagon without help, much less set a horse, so don't have me trying to dance about still being alive."
"There are other things you can do," Sage said calmly.
Travis turned his gaze to her. "Like what? There is nothing else I've ever wanted to do."
"You could stay here. Help us run the ranch," Tobin said from his seat on the windowsill.
Travis shook his head. "I can't even climb the stairs. If I stay here I'll be sleeping in the study the rest of my life."
Sage tried again. "You could work at the Ranger office."
Travis closed his eyes, feeling anger build inside him. Anger not at Sage, but at the world. "What would I do there? Watch everyone else go out on assignments? I'd hate that. Besides, what would I be-the cripple who sweeps up and makes the coffee? Or worse, I could limp around and remind every man what might happen to him one day."
"Stop it, Travis." Martha's voice cracked like a whip as she entered the room with a tray of mugs. "You've never been a whiner. Don't start now."
"I'm not whining." Travis answered. "I'm being a realist. I see no future for me. Not here. Not anywhere." He'd always thought that if he ever took a bullet, he'd recover or die, either way he wouldn't have to worry about not being a Ranger.
Sage stood and lifted the mugs off Martha's tray. None of her brothers seemed interested in coffee, but she needed something to do. "You'll find something."
He faced her. "What?"
Sage whirled suddenly. "Climb the mountain, Travis. Find the answer there."
Silence hung in the room, thick as the smell of coffee. All knew the story of how their father had climbed Whispering Mountain and dreamed his future.
Travis lifted his cane. "How can I do that?" He smiled at his sister almost as if she'd said something funny.
To his surprise it was Teagen who answered. "We'll carry you."
"What? Are you mad?"
Teagen met his stare. "Tobin and I can carry you. It's not that much of a climb. We made it several times when we were boys, remember."
Tobin stood and set his cup down. "I'll get one of the narrow bunks from the bunkhouse. We can use it as a litter. Then you'll have something to sit on so you can stand once you're at the summit" Tobin's gaze told Travis that his little brother had seen him trying to stand and knew it was painful for him even from a sitting position. It would be impossible from a bedroll on the ground. "Travis and I could carry you up before dark and leave you to dream."
"I'll get blankets and pack a few supplies," Martha said. "I'll not have you starving up there."
"Wait!" Travis shouted, but only Sage turned to listen. "We need to think about this. I haven't decided to go."
"Yes, you have," she answered. "You've no other option. You said so yourself and waiting will serve no purpose. I don't think I can stand another day of you yelling at everyone. So you're going if I have to help carry you."
Travis set his jaw and didn't say another word. He'd never been a coward and he didn't plan to start being one now. They were right, finding out what his future held, no matter how dark, had to be better than staying here thinking he had none.
What if he dreamed about his death as his father had? What did it matter? He felt like he was already living in hell. And maybe, once he got out of their sight, he might not sleep at all. Then he could say he'd tried it and nothing happened.
As he waited for his brothers to return with a bed and wagon, he smiled for the first time in weeks. He'd be sleeping under the stars tonight. Alone! All this family around had been like living in a beehive. If Tobin wasn't dropping in to tell him a story about one of the horses, Sage was asking his advice, or Teagen thought he had to go over the accounts with him. Even when Travis managed to persuade his brothers and sister into leaving him alone, Martha was always about, cleaning the room or trying to feed him.
"Ready?" Teagen asked as he walked in the study with Travis's coat folded over his arm. His gaze met his brother's. "This was Sage's idea, and I think it's a good one, but if you're against it…"
Travis nodded once, knowing, crippled or not, no one could make him sleep on the summit of Whispering Mountain if he didn't want to. "I might as well get it over with. At this point I don't really care what my future holds, just as long as I have one."
Teagen handed him the coat. "We can get to the mountain with a wagon, but we'll have to climb the rest on foot." He hesitated. "We'll have to strap you on the bunk, Travis."
"I know." Travis fought down the pain as he stood and buckled on his gun belt for the first time since he'd been shot. He pulled the leather strip over the Colt to hold the weapons in their holsters. "I'll take a rifle as well."
Teagen nodded as he pulled one from the rack by the door. "We'll build a good fire that should keep any trouble away."
Travis grinned without humor. "Wouldn't want to take a bedroll and keep me company?"
"No," Teagen answered in his no-nonsense way.
"How about you, little brother?" Travis asked as Tobin walked into the room. "Camp out on the summit with me tonight."
His quiet brother shook his head and looked away. But Travis had seen fear flicker in his eyes. A fear they all shared. Once, when they'd been kids, they'd all sworn they'd never climb the mountain to dream. They'd told one another that they didn't believe the legend. They decided it had only been a coincidence that their young father had dreamed his death the night he'd slept on the mountain.
But today Travis saw the truth in them all. If a tiny part of each of them didn't believe in the legend, they wouldn't be climbing the mountain.
Travis insisted on walking to the wagon now loaded down with the bed from the bunkhouse. He swore as Teagen and Tobin lifted him into the back. Neither brother took offense. They seemed to understand.
The day was crisp with fall, the sky clear. Travis wouldn't have cared if it had been pouring rain. Now that he'd set his course, he wouldn't turn back. Because he could see no future for him beyond the walls of his study, he'd lost his fear of what any dream might reveal.
Within an hour they reached the base of the hill everyone called Whispering Mountain. On the north side they could have ridden horses halfway up. On the south the slope was steeper, but faster on foot. No one had said anything about taking Travis up halfway by horseback. He would have had to lie over the saddle like a corpse, and he guessed his brothers had rather walk than see him like that.