I felt like I was going crazy, so I went to a therapist. The therapist did not seem to be helping me. After Sue fled from California, she called me and told me she was running for her life. One day I told my therapist that I had sent Sue money to help her write the book she explained she was needing to write to stay alive. The therapist surprised me when she said emphatically, "Don't give her any more money."
I told this therapist, "God told me to help my daughter." That's when I stopped going to her. Sue was my daughter and my heart said to help her. In spite of the abuse allegations, her father kept saying to me, "Help her, Honey. Help her."
I continued caring for my husband; he was helpless and couldn't do anything for himself. I gritted my teeth and helped him, all the while hating him. He never mentioned the abuse again.
I got a call one day from my daughter. I was elated to hear from her. She was in Hawaii and she wanted me to know that she was going to be hit by this hurricane and didn't know what would happen to her. Later on the news, they showed the island of Kauai damage from Hurricane Inniki. It was in ruins. I tried to call her but all lines of communication were down. Finally after a few days, she called to say she was alright, but lost everything she had.
When she came back to the states she called and told me more about her abuse. I was so confused but even though I could not remember anything, I began to believe it was all true. She moved from place to place to stay alive and finally called and said she was safe, but wouldn't tell me where she was. I felt so relieved that she was safe and getting help.
Then her teenage daughter started having problems. Without any apparent reason, she tried to commit suicide three separate times. She is such a sweet, loving girl. I could hardly let myself think of her being sexually abused. And if I had abused her, I shouldn't be allowed to live. We talked but my granddaughter couldn't seem to tell me why she had made those attempts. She finally decided to go live with her mother. She had only three months of school here in California until she graduated. We thought she could finish her school there. She was okay for awhile with her mother and then she started being dysfunctional and finally became catatonic. My daughter was frantic. She couldn't handle her, as Sue is much smaller in stature and not as physically strong as my granddaughter is. She called and told me she was taking her to the hospital. She didn't know what else to do.
My granddaughter was in the hospital a very short time when somehow she was able to call her father. She told him she was being held against her will and would he please come get her. He did fly there and get her. But, instead of taking her to their home where she thought she would be going, he explained to her that she needed help and he was taking her to a halfway house, a place that other teenagers who needed help lived. She shared a room with a teenage girl who also had problems. They had a lot of rules. She began functioning, taking care of herself, and doing her chores. She often just went to bed and slept. I started picking her up on Sundays. We would eat, shop, or take a ride. She was always so happy to see me. I called her almost every day; she would call me, too, not for anything in particular, just to talk. I asked her one time how she felt when she thought she was going home with her dad and found out she was really going to a halfway house. She said she felt abandoned.
Her mother suggested that EEG Biofeedback might help her, so every Thursday, I'd pick her up and take her. She loved frozen yogurt so we'd always stop for that. We'd talk and she always said she hated where she was living. She was able to finish her high school course. They taught her how to take the bus, so one day she enrolled at Pierce Junior College to take a psychology class. She had only 10 days to finish the class when she called her Mom and said she couldn't stand it there at the home anymore. Together my daughter and I got her a ticket, that was a Saturday and she was to leave on Monday. Saturday night her father picked her up and tried to talk her out of going, but she stood firm and said she was going. She was so scared to go alone. She kept saying, "What if I can't find the gate I'm suppose to go to?"
I told her to go to the counter and tell them, "I need help." I called the day of her flight to be sure the shuttle had picked her up. I prayed all day that God would watch over her and keep her safe. She arrived safely and my daughter was there to meet her and take her home. She was okay for awhile then started staring off again as if she were in a trance and didn't seem aware of anything going on around her. I feel so helpless, I want to help her but I don't know how.
Her brothers and I went for a visit with her and her mother. She would be fine one minute and then she would start staring and not talking, then she'd be okay again.
When I think about my granddaughter and all she is going through I can hardly bear it. Such a waste of a young, loving, life and what a horrible thing that she has to suffer and go through all the pain. These are things that should not happen to anyone.
My daughter is now healed and is doing everything she can to help and heal her daughter. I pray constantly that my granddaughter can be healed and lead a normal life. I am so proud of both of them.
My husband was a man who had been severely physically, sexually, and verbally abused as a child. I loved him and trusted him. He was so loving and sweet sometimes and other times he would be so nasty and mean. He was like two different people. I know now he suffered from Multiple Personality Disorder.
He dearly loved his family. He was very proud of his two sons and dearly loved his little girl. I was not aware at the time that he was sexually abusing our daughter.
By 1990 I was physically unable to take care of him. He was in a wheelchair and had to be lifted many times during the day. I found a nice board and care for him and, although I hadn't seen my oldest son in years, I called and asked if he would come and morally support me while I told my husband about the move. He said, "Okay, what have I got to lose." He came and explained to his dad how I couldn't physically take care of him and had found a nice place for him.
My husband said, "Okay, if that's what you want to do with me."
At that time I was seeing all of my kids, but always separately. I couldn't speak about any of them to the one I was seeing. It was hell. When I would call my oldest son's wife, she was very cool. Finally she called and started questioning me about Sue's sexual abuse. I told her, "I don't remember anything, but I believe her."
She said, "How could you believe your daughter and still take care of your husband?"
I was shocked. I told her he was a sick, old, helpless man, what did she want me to do with him? She called later and asked how I could see my younger son after all the things he had done and I told her, "I guess I have unconditional love for my children."
Her reply was, "Not me, my kids have to earn my love and they have."
After that my oldest son and daughter-in-law wanted nothing more to do with me. I was not to call, send birthday cards or presents of any kind. I once asked my oldest son if he had forgiven his father for firing him. He said, "In my head I have, but in my heart I haven't."
My husband died alone in a rest home in April of 1996.
I notified my children. The only thing the oldest boy said was, "I'm sorry to hear that." My husband was cremated and there was no service.