What most of you have not been allowed to know is that years ago, at the outset of the Cold War (if not before), permission was given to a hidden group of so-called "professionals and leaders" to experiment on the unsuspecting American populace in an effort to further a variety of advanced technology. The technology gleaned by the American leaders, medical professionals, and scientists was and still is in the form of genetic engineering, mind control, brain research, near death experimentation, paranormal/psychic experimentation, remote viewing, time and space travel, bioelectromagnetic frequency medicine, and other advanced research that make our current level of technological understanding and application antiquated. I am not suggesting that the technology was not, in certain projects, valuable; however, I am stating that it was often attained by the American government at the expense of American lives, as many of its citizens were experimented on without their knowledge or consent.
Many books have been written describing innocent peoples' firsthand accounts of various forms of ritual abuse, unauthorized and non-consensual medical experimentation, genetic experimentation, radiation experimentation, drug experimentation and mind control. And yet, these numerous first-hand accounts of extremely violated human rights have been cast aside and denied, even by our own FBI, CIA and government. Why, you ask? I believe the following information, gathered by my personal involvement as Henry Kissinger's personal 'mind file, will help you understand the situation we face and what has occurred. Morally I feel it is my responsibility to share with you what I witnessed as I walked among those participating in these projects. After I have shared with you what I experienced, it will be your responsibility to choose what you do with this information. And I will finally be able to rest, knowing I have done my duty, first to God and then to you, my fellow citizens, by sharing the truth of my experiences so that you can be informed as to what has occurred, to your detriment and at your expense, but without your knowledge or permission.
People often ask me if I'm afraid that my controllers might kill me. Honestly, I have had so many near-death experiences that I am familiar with dying. Death is not at all frightening to me. My life has been restored through Divine intervention countless times and I trust that when God is ready for me to leave this world, I will go, and I won't go until that Divine timing is completed. What is frightening is living without doing something to alert people to the invisible danger and loss of rights and freedoms that are before us. Some things are so precious and sacred that to violate them is worse than death. Specifically, I am referring to the sacred nature of our minds and spirits and the Divine core bond that goes between a mother and a child. The pain and suffering that results from the destruction of this bond, due to a life of torture and mind control intended to intentionally shatter this bond and other family relationships, in order to establish control, is so excruciatingly painful that I will do anything necessary in the service of stopping it from happening in future generations.
A few years ago, after I spoke at a Surveillance Expo in Washington, D.C., an intelligence officer approached me and asked me how I managed to stay alive. I explained to him that I sent documentation of my recollected experiences out to professionals who were vocal in regard to these issues, with a letter stating that if anything happened to me, my children, or my ex-husband, I gave them permission to more widely distribute my information. This officer laughed and said, "Little lady, I believe you have the CIA by the balls! They are probably having to protect you." Although I am still alive, the harassment that I will share with you later hasn't stopped.
I submit this information to you as respectfully as I can. I apologize for the apparent lewdness of some of the material, and yet this is how it happened, this is what occurred. Please forgive the nature of the writing, or how I need to present it, often in it's original context, the way it was experienced by the many parts of me. What you read is a glimpse into the events as experienced through the eyes of the programmed personalities who endured this abuse. You may notice the different perceptions of different personalities at varying ages, and some of the values, or lack of them that they were taught. Much of the following information has been copied, often verbatim, from my private journals. Over the years, daily, I painstakingly documented my memories, in an attempt to deal with and sort out the often vivid, though confusing, memory flashbacks I had. What I remembered was so far from the reality I thought I had lived, that it was deeply disturbing.
What you are about to read is a composite of years of memory work describing the details and information as I worked to untangle the knot. Having been programmed to have a perfect photographic memory greatly aided me toward this enhanced, often meticulously detailed account. The training my controllers gave me backfired on them. Once my secret life began leaking into my conscious mind, I experienced so many intrusive flashbacks not only in my mind but also in my body, that it forced me to recall these experiences in extensive detail to the point that it disrupted my everyday functioning … so much so, that I was forced to leave my master's degree program in graduate school and enroll in daily therapy. In an attempt to understand and contain all the information that came flooding back to my mind, I was compelled for years to write out each and every memory the way I saw it in my mind's eye, and heard, smelled, and felt it in my body, so I could attempt to maintain some semblance of my own personal reality. This information, chronicled in my journals over the last 14 years, beginning in 1985, created a way for me to report to you what happened to me.
Desperately, I struggled and worked diligently over the years to pull myself together in an attempt to help my children, my husband, and myself. Looking back, I felt like a person with no arms or legs attempting to run an Olympic marathon. My body was able but I didn't have the use of my mind, which was shattered into a thousand pieces and further locked away from me in a programmed bondage. Although I couldn't think about it, deep within my soul my heart ached and the wounds festered.
People often ask me, "How did you get out?"
I answer, "By the grace of God," and I explain that as I grew older, although I could not think about what was causing me so much pain, I had moments when I could feel that something was very wrong. When those deeply, emotionally troubling and painful moments came, I asked God to please help me. Through daily prayer and the leading of the Holy Spirit, I was led out of bondage, one step at a time, until my programming was broken and I was integrated and free.
It was then, and continues to be, horrifying to me when my experiences are validated because it makes them more real, and then I am less able to dissociate from the excruciatingly painful emotional component of my past. During the initial stages of my recovery I had to learn to reconnect to my body and emotions, to learn even to cry in personalities that had never been allowed to express emotion. Then I had to learn to think logically and contain my tender, innate female emotions so that people could begin to hear what I was saying and not write me off as a hysterical woman — although I had every right to be, given the traumatic life my family and I managed to live through.
This manuscript is not a dramatization, as was my first book, STARSHINE: One Woman's Valiant Escape from Mind Control. Instead it is a documentation of events as they happened from the best of my recollection. It is not written to entertain. In fact, I hope you don't find it entertaining, for if you do, you've missed the point. The pornography that has proliferated in this world has destroyed countless lives of children, women, and men who were used in it and has taught those who view it to objectify people. The telling of the following information is not done with the intent to further pornography and lewd sexual behavior, but in an attempt to stop what has gone on and to insure freedom of mind, body and spirit.