My affluent abusers made sure that I was instilled with very sophisticated programming that would insure my death should I begin to remember or tell. Despite the fact that I was programmed to have an 'accident, self-mutilate, or kill myself, I am healthy, in control of my own mind, and have NO intentions of hurting myself in any manner. I am taking extreme precautions through publicizing this autobiographical account to encumber these power mongers from stopping my efforts to obtain help for my affected children. It is in hopes of freeing them, and the many other suffering adults and children locked into the bonds of the mind control projects, that I share my experience.
The intentionally inflicted and often extreme child abuse I endured was the necessary "preparation through trauma" that my controllers regarded as prerequisite to my creation as a sex/espionage agent serving within the government and beyond to an overarching cabal of only a handful of individuals, who I overheard referred to as "The Council." For years I witnessed the attempts and deeds they performed to control not only our government, but foreign governments as well. This initial childhood trauma was necessary to create within me multiple personalities for later use by them, insuring their success of my involuntary use and participation in their plan for a one world government, where you and I are to work in varying levels — as controlled slaves or, as they say, "worker bees."
"To be afraid is to have more faith in evil than in God."
Chapter Two: Early Childhood Preparation
"Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things."
In order for my birth to be accomplished on presidential inauguration day, January 20th, 1951, my mother's labor was induced at St. John's Hospital in Santa Monica, California. My parents named me Susan Lynne Eckhart. The selection of inauguration day for my birth was especially meaningful given the position I would be groomed to one day fill. My parents told the story for years that my first words were, "I like Ike." Even at the early age of one, they were training me to be politically-minded and had me cheering in a campaign effort for the President-elect.
Once my mother and I were released from the hospital after my birth, my father began the rigorous training and intentional torture required to shatter my base personality with the goal of creating many separate and individual personalities for training and use by others as I grew older. When my mother left my father to babysit me, he withheld all food until I was starving. Then he held my bottle in front of me, but instead of allowing me to have the bottle, he would slip his penis into my mouth for me to suck. I felt I was dying through suffocation, as my airway was blocked and I gagged for breath. There were many such traumas to follow, most often on a daily basis.
For you to understand how I came to trust the things I began remembering at age 35 about my earliest childhood, I will share the following experiences. In meditation, I began remembering small, inconsequential things at first, like the time my mother left my father to care for me when I was four months old. He laid me on top of the dining room table and watched as I fell off! I clearly remembered the panicked feeling of terror as I was falling and remembered the overwhelming sharp pain that resulted in my body as I hit the floor. I also remembered the color of the carpeting, the design on the wallpaper and other details about the room. We moved from this house in Santa Monica when I was 6 months old, and I never saw it again.
Unable to fathom what these earliest of childhood memories could mean, I began reading about the experiences of Vietnam veterans and how they suddenly relived flashbacks of traumas they witnessed in war. I thought this might be the same type of memory phenomenon. In order to test my recall of this particular incident, I shared the details of this memory with my mother. Her reaction was one of amazement although she seemed terribly confused about my father's actions. She said I had described our first house and was surprised I could remember so accurately details from an event that happened when I was only an infant. Being the third child to a very busy mother, there were no pictures taken of me in that house that I could have seen. The validation she gave me made me feel more trusting of the other memories that soon began flooding back into my awareness.
Memories of trauma too overwhelming to bear as a child unfolded for me to deal with as an adult. Bit by bit, piece by piece, I began to remember and understand just what had actually happened to me as a child, but in no way did the memories come neatly packaged in chronological order. It took the test of time, as each memory fit into ones before and after them and, like a puzzle, with all the pieces laid in proper place, I began creating a more complete yet horrifically devastating picture.
Armed with that first validation from my mother and the support of two therapists, I began daily therapy remembering heinous tortures, terrifying abuses, and strange details that were painfully yet neatly compartmentalized into the reality of separate child and adult personalities programmed within me. Many had separate names. This was in 1987, two years after my initial «awakening» first began. And I was, now, for the first time, accurately remembering my earliest childhood. I was referred to Stuart Perlman, Ph.D., a Westwood clinical psychotherapist, and began seeing him a few sessions a week until the self-harm and suicidal crises I was attempting to live through, triggered by remembering things I was programmed forget, quickly required my sessions with him to escalate to seven or more per week. I was also having weekly sessions with Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
At the time I began therapy, neither of my therapists was familiar with dissociation, Multiple Personality Disorder, or ritual abuse. The vivid, painful and often terrifying flashbacks and abreactions of the traumatic memory I retrieved in and out of their offices left all of us in a quandary, trying to make sense of what was happening to me. Dr. Perlman wrote an article on MPD/ritual abuse for a psychoanalytical journal, where he shared that as time went on he came to understand that Multiple Personality Disorder was not as rare as he had been taught it was in school. Although his quiet, aloof, non-interactive, psychoanalytical stance often made me uncomfortable during therapy sessions, I was later grateful that he had not interjected his own reality into my memory retrieval process and kept to himself his initial belief that I was delusional. My first session with Dr. Perlman was deeply touching as tears fell from his cheeks when I recounted instance after instance of childhood abuse. His wise words to me that day were, "Everything you need to heal is within, you have all the answers inside of yourself."
My other therapist, Dr. Paul, and I were continually perplexed as to what all the memories meant and didn't have an answer until a year later when I attended a Victims of Incest Emerge as Survivors (VOICES) conference in New Jersey by myself, where I heard a female minister speak about satanic ritual abuse. At the end of the lecture, I felt numbed, as the speaker recounted many tortures similar to those I had remembered from my childhood. The "big, beautiful, perfect fairy tale life" I thought I was living began to crumble, one memory at a time. The following is a carefully compiled documentation of my past.
When I was six months old, my father and mother decided to move to a more rural setting to raise their young family. My brother Jim was eight, my brother Rick was four, and I was six months old. My father borrowed money from my mother's mother to purchase a three-bedroom ranch home located in the midst of a walnut grove in Woodland Hills, California. This home was to be the base for hidden and extreme torture and trauma for me over the next 19 years. Those years of trauma should have been enough to kill ten children, but somehow it didn't kill me. My father told me each time he hurt me that he was doing it to toughen me, to strengthen me for the future. In response, I was split into many personalities to cope with the overpowering physical and psychological pain and betrayal.