Me: Haven't seen the pic yet, gonna find it on the internet.
Lori <3 :( What pisses me off the most is he was clearly enjoying himself. He has the biggest fucking smile I have ever seen.
Me: Wait.....he has a big smile?
Lori <3 Yeah, why?
Me: As in this kind of smile :D and not this :)
Lori <3 Uh, yes.
Me: I don't even need to look at the picture. If Danny does this :D, it means he's uncomfortable. It's his fake smile. You have nothing to worry about.
Lori <3 You're sure about this?
Me: Positive :)
Lori <3 Why do I not know this?
Me: You do now :) Have a good dinner.
I'm sitting in Phillip's office waiting for him to finish up a conference call, so we can go to dinner and work on our guest list.
I get on a wedding website where I had started a wedding checklist awhile ago. So far, all I had crossed off was Get Engaged.
I love checklists. Sometimes when I make a checklist, I put stuff on it that I've already done, just so I can feel productive and cross it off.
So here we go!
The way things have fallen into place has left me feeling slightly high.
I know there are a lot of details, but now that I have a direction and someone to organize and help plan my wedding, I'm excited about this next phase of planning.
I look through some photos of real couple's weddings. This is so fun! I'm in the best mood!!
My life is perfect!
I get a text from Phillip's mom, and I'm actually excited to hear from her! I can handle anything right now!
Mrs. Mac: You REALLY need to do something about your STDs and fast!
I read her message twice and ponder this. Um?
What is she talking about?
I don't have an STD.
No, wait. She must have mistyped a word, and her phone autocorrected it to STD. I wonder what she meant.
I wait for a minute.
For her to notice the misspell and send me a little * and the word stand or stained, or whatever the hell else has a S, T, and a D in it.
I wait calmly, but nothing comes. I read it again, noticing it says your STDs, like plural. Is she insinuating that both Phillip and I have STDs?
My phone vibrates again, and I'm relieved. She must've noticed the typo.
Mrs. Mac: ???? This is important!
Oh, shit!!
EXCUSE ME!!!??
Does Phillip have an STD?!????!!!!
That he did NOT tell me about?
Do I have an STD??
Could Phillip have given me an STD?!!!!???
WTF!?!?!
And if he did, why the HELL is his MOTHER telling me about it??!!!!!
I'm freaking out here! So I text Lori.
Me: OMG! I think Phillip might have an STD!
Lori <3 OMG!? Really? How?
Me: I DON'T KNOW!!!!! I'm freaking out @!!!!!!!@#^$*&!!
Lori <3 Danny says Phillip has always been meticulous in his condom usage. You shouldn't have anything to worry about.
Me: True. Okay, that makes me feel better.
I relax for a second. She's right. I'm being ridiculous.
My phone vibrates again with another message from Lori.
Lori <3 Do YOU have an STD?
Me: NO! I mean I don't think so, but Phillip and I haven't been using anything, so if he does then I probably do too!!!!
Lori <3 Didn't you go to the GYN this summer for a check up?
Me: Yeah, so?
Lori <3 They usually run tests for that, don't they?
Me: I don't know. Do they? I would think they'd only do that if you asked them to. Plus, when he asks if I always use a condom, I always say yes.
Lori <3 Jade! You shouldn't lie to your doctor!
Me: I don't want to get yelled at! I KNOW you're supposed to.
Lori <3 Well, I think they check for that sort of thing. So you're probably clean....or were then anyway.
Me: Yeah....
Which means she's implying that I was then, but I might not be now.
And I can't help it.
I'm not a hypochondriac or anything, but all of a sudden, I'm feeling slightly itchy down there.
Like maybe I have one and didn't know it, but now the symptoms are manifesting. I'm also feeling a little feverish. I put my hand across the back of my neck. It feels warm.
Maybe I should get online to see what symptoms come from STDs.
Lori <3 So who all have you been with in the last few months?
Me: Uh, Phillip.
Lori <3 and.....
Me: Um, the guitar player.
Lori <3 AND....!!!!
Me: I don't know what you're talking about!
I tell her this, even though, well, I'm not very proud of this, but there was this sorta drunkish night before Phillip and I got together. I saw this really cute guy, Jason, who I dated junior year in college, at the bar. We started talking and dancing, and, well, drinking, and one thing led to another. And we did it before when we were dating, so it's not like he was just some random stranger. I mean, we already had. So when we did it again, it didn't really count. Like he didn't add to my total or anything. It was kinda like a free throw. It counts for points, but if you miss, it doesn't count against you. When you do it with a guy you've already done it with in the past, it doesn't count against you. It's a freebie.
Lori <3 Look, I'm not trying to throw you under the STD bus or anything, but I know that there was a night you maybe got drunkish and probably weren't as safe as you should've been.
Me: Uh...
Lori <3 As in the night I KNOW you did it with Richie Rich even though you lied and said you didn't!
Richie Rich's real name is Jason O'Connor. That was the nickname Phillip gave him because his family was wealthy, and he was one of those guys that wanted everyone to know it. He was also quite handsome and adorable most of the time. He was a guy I actually really liked. We'd been dating casually for about three months when I took him to my winter formal. He got drunk and started a big fight. I made Phillip ditch his date to come rescue me. The next day, Jason sent me two dozen roses as an apology, and Phillip told me I shouldn't take him back. One of the only times I've ever followed his advice on boys.
Me: Shit, maybe I do have one.
Lori <3 Do you have symptoms? Have you noticed anything rashy on Phillip?