Fortunately, Alex chips in, "Who else wouldn't you count?"
"If he sucked," his wife says.
There are choruses of Yeah, Exactly, and For sure from the girls.
"Oh, and if you cheated on your boyfriend with someone, I don't think you would count him either," Lori says with a grin.
"I could get you in a lot of trouble, you know. I have way more dirt on you," I whisper quietly to her.
"You ladies are scaring me," Marcus says. "So who WOULD you count?"
To that, he gets a bunch of replies.
"Guys you had a relationship with."
"Hot guys."
"Yeah, definitely the hot ones."
"The ones that were gooooood."
"Yeah, even if they weren't that hot."
"Oh, and the memorable ones," I say.
"Memorable, how?" Danny asks.
Lori opens her big mouth AGAIN. "Ooooohhhh, like the guy that worked at the movie theater?"
"What was memorable about the movie theater guy?" Chase asks.
"Let's just say it has to do with popcorn butter and the back of a movie theater and leave it at that," Lori says.
"Oh my god, Lori, you're making me sound like a slut. I dated the movie theater guy for two months and never had sex with him. It's not like I did him for free popcorn."
Danny gets mouthy. "Two whole months, Jay, that was like a record for you."
"Uh, no. Four months was my record, and you have no room to talk, Mr. Revolving Bedroom Door."
"How long will you and Phillip have been dating when you get married?"
"Four months," I shoot back.
Danny pats Phillip on the back and says, "Dude." Like in sorrow.
"Danny, maybe we should talk about your sex life. How many girls are on that list? I mean, I lost count sophomore year."
"You were never very good with math, blondie," Danny quips.
"Shut up!" I yell.
Lori says, "Yeah, Danny, how many? We've never really discussed this."
I can tease Danny all I want to, but I love him, and I can see that this conversation is going nowhere good and fast. So I toss him a life preserver by saying, "Well, how many for you, Lori? Remember that wrestler dude? And who could forget all the things you did with that guy from your anatomy class in the name of studying?" Let's put her under the microscope for a little while.
"Jay, we may need to talk about this later," Danny teases.
"Trust me, Danny, her number is smaller than yours. Even without the mental revisions."
"That's weird," Alex says, "because I think guys count every single girl, regardless of the circumstances."
"Even if she was nasty?" I question.
"Uh, yeah, I think so, guys?"
And all the guys are like, "Yeah."
"What if she was your best friend's girl?" Marcus's wife, Madison asks.
Marcus says, "Yeah, sure. I mean, I did."
Then both he and his wife get big grins on their faces, and he continues. "But then again, I married her."
I went to look at wedding dresses again yesterday. Still no luck. Lori must have been feeling my frustration all the way down in Kansas City.
While I'm driving to work, my phone rings.
"So did you find a dress last night?"
"No, I suck," I whine. "I thought the dress would be the easiest part. I may have to go naked."
"That would fit your whole XXX theme."
"Yeah," I say as further depression sets in.
"So, I have a plan. Danny plays the Jets in New York next Sunday, and I think we should tag along and do some serious shopping. I heard there's a store there that has the biggest wedding dress selection in the world. We could leave Friday, shop all day Saturday, and see the game Sunday."
"Sounds like a plan to me, although, I'm gonna have to see if my boss will let me off work."
"He will. He's invited too. We also invited both the Diamonds and the Macs. Are you okay with the moms helping you shop?"
"Just promise me no STD jokes."
"Deal! Oh, Jade, I'm so excited!! I know I'll be able to help you find the perfect dress!"
"I sure hope so, Lori. I sure hope so."
As soon as I get in the office, Phillip shuts his door, pushes me up against it, and kisses me. "You're late," he says. "I'm your boss. I'm probably going to have to write you up or something."
"No, you're just always early."
He grabs my ass. "Maybe you should offer to sleep with the boss, so you can get ahead."
"I'm surprised you'd want me to sleep with your dad, Phillip."
He chuckles and kisses the side of my neck just under my ear. I swear, it makes me weak in the knees. It's a good thing I'm up against the door. "I'm pretty sure I'm your boss."
"And I'm pretty sure if sleeping with you was the way to get ahead, I'd be running the company by now."
He slides his hand into the back of my hair and kisses me again. "I missed you."
"You saw me an hour ago."
"I still missed you. Do you know how sexy you looked this morning? Your hair was a wreck, and your mascara was all smeared. That's how I know it was a good night. The more smeared your mascara, the more fun we had."
"Are you suggesting we had fun last night?"
"Oh, yeah. And guess what? We're going home for lunch today."
"I'm gonna starve, huh?"
"Naw, you're just living on love."
Phillip and I are meeting with Amy, our amazing wedding planner, for some serious wedding planning. Since we hired her, wedding planning has become really fun.
We're basically planning one big long party, and I love parties!!
We've both had numerous phone conversations with Amy about what we want at the wedding. And we know, food is high on Phillip's list. We both want the food to be like good, normal food. Sorry, but don't come to my wedding if you're looking for little appetizers with caviar and cream on top.
That is not us.
We meet her at the hotel, view the ballrooms, and sit down to start our food tasting. We taste all the appetizers for the cocktail party. We're having Kobe beef sliders, hot wing bites, twice-baked baby new potatoes, bacon-wrapped scallops, barbecued shrimp, a shot glass of tomato-basil soup served with a mini grilled cheese, fruit kabobs, and crab cakes. We also want to have a cool signature cocktail, we just need to choose one.
Amy says, "They made three drinks for you to try. I wasn't sure which way you would want to go, a wintery drink, or one that matches your wedding decor."
First, we try a chocolate peppermint martini. It's really good and reminds me of hot chocolate and peppermint schnapps. Then we taste a gingerbread martini. Phillip is in love with the gingerbread one, but he thinks they both taste too much like dessert. Once they bring out the third drink, I see why. I'm pretty sure this drink was Phillip's idea. It's called the Princess Martini.
Amy tells me, "It's a combination of Chambord flavored vodka, citron vodka, and lemonade."
Phillip takes a taste. "This drink is aptly named. It's just like you. The perfect combination of sweet and sass."
"And the glass is rimmed with purple sugar. How cute is that?"
"Like I said, just like you."
I take another drink then yell out, "Sold!"
Phillip grins at me. Sorry, I have to say it.
Isn't he just adorable??!!!
I just want to take him home with me.