I snuggle into Phillip's arm. "It's really breathtaking, isn't it?"
Phillip looks straight at me, ignores the lights, and says, "You are."
"Phillip, I mean the lights, silly. I'm so glad I looked through that holiday album, and we decided to get married here. It feels practically magical."
He nods his head, pulls me closer to him, and kisses the top of my head. "Our whole wedding is going to be magical, Princess."
After the trolley ride, we headed back to the hospitality suite, where we're serving warm gingersnaps and adorable snowflake shaped sugar cookies. There's a coffee and hot chocolate bar to compliment the cookies, and Phillip's mom also decided to serve her son's favorite gingerbread martinis as well as the chocolate peppermint martini I loved.
Just when it feels like the party's getting started, and I've enjoyed a couple tasty martinis, Amy says to me, "It's the bride's bedtime."
"Really? It's only like ten-thirty!"
"You want to look gorgeous on your wedding day, am I right?"
"Yeah, you're right. I guess I can party tomorrow."
"Exactly." She turns to Phillip and says, "That goes for the groom too."
Phillip says, "No problem. I'll walk her to her room, make sure she's a good girl."
The way Phillip slides his hand slowly down my back, I doubt that his version of me being a good girl and Amy's are the same, but either way, I'm pretty sure I'll be in bed soon.
Outside my hotel room, Phillip says, "So, tomorrow is the big day."
I smile big. Again. I think my mouth has been in a permanent grin all day. "Can you believe it's finally here! I can't wait for you to see my dress. I hope you love it as much as I do."
"I'm sure I'll love it. I mean, I love you." He leans one hand against the door above my shoulder. It reminds me of how he used to lean against my locker when he had a secret to tell me.
I stand on my tiptoes and kiss his cheek. "Goodnight."
He gives me a long sweet kiss. I can tell he doesn't want to go, but we're supposed to, right? Like everyone says we're not supposed to spend the night together before our wedding day.
"Make sure you don't let the guys talk you into partying with them tonight. I want you looking all handsome tomorrow."
"I didn't tell them my room number. They'd be banging on my door all night." He touches my face and looks lovingly into my eyes. "Good night, Princess."
I shut my door, wishing I would've invited him in. I mean, I don't really require that much sleep, and I usually only get baggy eyes when I'm hungover. Which I obviously won't be.
I'll call him and tell him to come back down.
But first, I wanna change into some comfy yoga pants and finish up a couple things.
A few minutes later, there's a knock on my door. I look out the peephole and see Phillip's adorable face. I open the door and quickly let him in.
"What are you doing?" he asks, pointing to the purple permanent marker I'm still holding in my hand.
I look down at the marker I forgot I was holding. "Oh, I just finished writing on the bottom of my wedding shoes."
"Why are you writing on your shoes?"
"It's kinda like in high school when you'd write math formulas up your arms before a test. You know, so you wouldn't forget. I'm writing on the bottom of my shoes, so I don't forget."
He squints his eyes at me in confusion. "Show me."
I flip up my purple satin pumps and show him where I wrote, i do!
He laughs at me. "It's your wedding. Do you think you'll forget that part?"
"I don't know. Maybe," I tease. "So what are you doing back down here? I thought you were supposed to be getting your beauty sleep."
"Yeah, I know. I just wanted to check on you. Are you nervous? Do you have cold feet?"
"Nope, I put on the socks you gave me." I point down at my fuzzy socks. "I'm all good."
"Have you had anymore bad dreams you haven't told me about?"
"No, but I have been thinking a lot about my parents." I tilt my head at him. "Phillip, do you think they'd be proud of me now?"
He pulls me into his arms and looks at me sweetly. "I know they'd be proud of you. You're learning about life, about love, and you're playing the hand that was dealt to you the best that you can."
"It took me a long time to figure things out. I think I'm finally dealing with it. With losing them. I still can't believe I stood up at their funeral and preached about appreciating what you have, and I didn't do it myself."
"Irony, right?"
"Yeah, and it's only taken me four years to figure it out."
"At least you realized it. Speaking of that, do you realize this is your last night as Jadyn Reynolds?"
I pull him down onto the bed with me. "Jadyn Mackenzie. I'm not sure I like the sound of that. I might have to keep my name." I slowly slide my hands down his sides.
He grabs my hands tightly. "No sex."
"What do you mean, no sex?"
"No sex if you keep your name." I struggle and try to free my hands. Phillip has a smart ass grin on his face. He loves being stronger than me. He might be stronger, but I'm pretty sure I'm smarter. I lean my face into his shoulder, like I'm going to kiss it, but bite it instead. It didn't hurt him, but it startled him enough that I'm able to get one of my hands free.
I run that hand down the front of his jeans. "You drive a hard bargain." I press down a little firmer on his jeans. "Get it? A hard bargain."
He laughs. "You're bad. Is it bad that I want to?"
"I don't think it's bad at all. I want to too. But before we get to that, can I read you the poem I wrote for the service tomorrow? Like Lori's gonna read it, but I kinda wanted you to hear it from me first."
Phillip smiles. That smile that makes me melt. "I'd love that."
I grab the poem out of my bag and sit cross legged on the bed facing him.
My eyes get teary as I read to him.
Phillip does that to me. He makes me cry. I remember one night in high school when Katie was crying because her and Neil broke up, Lisa found some quote. It was something like, No boy is worth your tears, but once you find the one that is, he won't make you cry. I've decided that quote is wrong. Phillip makes me cry. I cried about him on the beach in Cancun. I cried about him the night I said yes. Phillip has been chipping away at the hard exterior I put around my heart since my parents died. I hadn't let myself cry, and I wasn't letting myself feel much either. I locked all my feelings away. Kept them balled up inside of me. I didn't want to feel anything for anyone because I knew how much it hurts when you lose them.
But Phillip's love got through.
Straight through to my heart.
I feel free now.
Free to feel, free to cry, and free to live my life. And the tears I've been crying haven't been sad tears, they've been happy ones. I'm so happy with Phillip, I can hardly believe it.
Phillip gazed into my eyes the whole time I read. I say a silent prayer that if I'm lucky enough to see those brown eyes every day, I will have lived an amazing life.