“You can’t have both,” she whispered, her eyes growing even larger. “You can’t have both.” She blinked and refocused her gaze on Bellamy. “You can’t have a mother and a sister.”
20
Glass
Glass swept up the final flight of stairs and turned into her corridor. She wasn’t worried about being stopped by the guards for violating curfew. She felt like she was floating, her steps featherlight as she skimmed silently down the hallway. She raised her hand to her lips, where the memory of Luke’s kiss still lingered, and smiled.
It was a little after three in the morning; the ship was empty, the lights in the hallway a dim glow. Tearing herself away from Luke made her ache with an almost physical pain, but she knew better than to risk getting caught by her mother. If she fell asleep quickly enough, she might be able to trick her mind into thinking that she was still with Luke, his warm, sleeping form curled up next to her.
She pressed her thumb against the key panel on the door and slipped inside.
“Hello, Glass.” Her mother’s voice came from the sofa.
Glass gasped and started stammering. “Hi, I was… I…” She fumbled for words, trying to come up with a plausible reason for why she’d been out in the middle of the night. But she couldn’t lie; not anymore, not about this.
They stood in silence for a long moment, and although she couldn’t make out the expression on her mother’s face, Glass could feel her confusion and anger radiating through the darkness. “You were w i th him, weren’t you?” Sonja finally asked.
“Yes,” Glass said, relieved to be telling the truth at last. “Mom, I love him.”
Her mother took a step forward, and Glass realized that she was still wearing a black evening dress, the outline of faded lipstick on her mouth, dying traces of her perfume in the air.
“Where were you tonight?” Glass asked wearily. It was like last year all over again. Ever since her father had left them, her mother had barely been around, staying out all hours of the night and sometimes sleeping through the day. Now Glass didn’t have the energy to be embarrassed, or even angry, about her mother’s behavior. All she could feel was a faint pang of sadness.
Sonja’s lips twisted into a gruesome approximation of a smile. “You have no idea what I’ve done to protect you” was all she said. “You need to stay away from that boy.”
“That boy?” Glass cringed. “I know you think he’s just—”
“That’s enough,” her mother snapped. “Don’t you realize how lucky you are to even be here? I’m not going to let you die for some Walden trash who seduces Phoenix girls and then abandons them.”
“He’s not like that!” Glass exclaimed, her voice growing shrill. “You don’t even know him.”
“He doesn’t care about you. You were ready to die to save him. While you were in Confinement he’d probably forgotten all about you.”
Glass winced. It was true that Luke had started seeing Camille while Glass was in Confinement. But she couldn’t blame him, not after the cruel things she’d said when she broke up with him in a desperate attempt to keep him safe.
“Glass.” Sonja’s voice quivered with the strain of trying to remain calm. “I’m sorry to be harsh. But with the Chancellor still on life support, you need to be careful. If he wakes up and has any reason, any reason at all, to revoke your pardon, he will.” She sighed. “I can’t let you risk your life again. Have you already forgotten what happened last time?”
But of course Glass hadnbly hasn’t forgotten. The memory of it was as permanent as the scars from the bracelet on her skin, something she would carry with her the rest of her life.
And her mother didn’t even know the whole truth. Glass ignored the guards’ strange looks as she passed the checkpoint and began crossing the skybridge toward Walden. Let them think she was off to buy drugs if they wanted. No punishment they gave her could possibly hurt more than what she was about to do.
It was late afternoon, and the corridors were thankfully empty. Luke would be back from his morning shift by now, but Carter would still be at the distribution center, where he worked sorting nutrition packets. Glass knew it was foolish—Carter hated her, and he would hate her even more once he found out that she had broken Luke’s heart—but she couldn’t bear to break up with Luke with Carter in the other room.
She paused at the door, absently bringing her hand to her stomach. She had to do it now. She’d already put this off so many times. She’d muster the courage to break up with him, then hesitate as the terrible words rose to her mouth. Next time, she always promised herself. I just need to see him one more time.
But now her stomach was growing noticeably rounder. Even on half rations, it was getting harder and harder for Glass to disguise her weight gain under the shapeless dresses that prompted snickers from Cora. Soon she would start to show. And once she did, there would be questions. The Council would demand to know who the father was. If she was still in touch with Luke, he would find out, and volunteer himself in some misguided attempt to save her that would only end in both of their deaths.
You’re saving his life , Glass told herself as she knocked on the door, realizing that this was the last time she would ever stand in this spot. The last time she’d see Luke smile at her like she was the only girl in the universe. Her own words of encouragement sounded hollow to her ears.
But when the door opened, it wasn’t Luke standing there. It was Carter, wearing nothing but a pair of plain work pants.
“He’s not here,” he growled, his eyes narrowing as he took in her flushed cheeks.
“Oh, sorry,” Glass said, taking an involuntary step back. “I’ll come back later.”
But Carter surprised her by reaching out and grabbing her arm, his hand clamping painfully over her wrist.
“What’s the hurry?” he asked with a sudden grin that made her stomach churn. “Come on in and wait. I’m sure he just got held up.”
Glass winced, rubbing her wrist, as she followed Carter inside. She’d forgotten how tall he was.
“Did you not have work today?” she asked in her most polite voice, perching on the edge of the couch where she and Luke usually sat. Her heart cramped as she realized she’d never be able to curl up against his shoulder again, or run her fingers through his curls as he lay with his head in her lap.
aga size="-1">“I wasn’t in the mood,” Carter said with a careless shrug.
“Oh,” Glass said, biting back a criticism. If Carter wasn’t careful, he’d get demoted yet again, and the only position below the distribution center was sanitation duty. “I’m sorry,” she added, because she wasn’t sure what else to say.
“No, you’re not,” Carter said, taking a pull of an unmarked bottle. Glass wrinkled her nose. Black-market whiskey. “You’re just like all the other assholes on Phoenix. All you care about is yourself.”
“You know what, I should be going,” Glass said, moving quickly across the living space toward the door. “Tell Luke I’ll see him later.”
“Hold it,” Carter called. Glass ignored him and grabbed the handle without turning around, but before she could open the door, Carter reached over her shoulder and leaned forward to slam it shut.
“Let me go,” Glass ordered, turning to face him.
Carter’s grin widened, sending chills down Glass’s spine. “What’s the problem?” he asked, reaching down to rub his hands over her arms. “We both know how much you like slumming it down on Walden. Don’t pretend to be all choosy.”