The lab was quiet. As Clarke wound her way through the maze of empty beds, all she could hear was the drone of the ventilation system. The soft buzz of conversation had faded as more and more bodies were secreted away.
Lilly seemed even thinner than she’d been the day before. Clarke crept toward her bed and ran her hand gently down her friend’s arm, shuddering as bits of her skin fell away. She slipped her other hand into her pocket and wrapped her fingers around the vial. It would be so easy. No one would ever know.
But then Lilly’s pale lashes fluttered open, and Clarke froze. As she stared into Lilly’s eyes, a cold wave of terror and revulsion crashed over her. What was she thinking? An overpowering urge to destroy the vial tore through her body, and she had to take a deep breath to keep herself from hurling it against the wall.
Lilly’s lips were moving, but no sound was coming out. Clarke leaned forward and gave her a small smile. “Sorry, didn’t catch that, Lil.” She lowered her head so her ear was closer to Lilly’s mouth. “What did you say?”
At first, Clarke could only feel the soundless wisp of air on her skin, as if there wasn’t enough breath in Lilly’s lungs to push the words out of her mouth. But then a faint moan escaped from her chapped lips. “Did you bring it?”
Clarke raised her head to look into her friend’s panic-filled brown eyes. She nodded slowly.
“Now.” The word was barely audible.
“No,” Clarke protested, her voice shaking. “It’s too soon.”
She blinked back the tears that had begun to fill her eyes.
“You could still get better,” she said, but the lie sounded hollow, even to her.
Lilly’s face contorted in pain, and Clarke reached for her hand. “Please.” Lilly’s voice was ragged.
“I’m sorry.” Clarke gave Lilly’s fragile hand a gentle squeeze as tears began to trickle down her cheeks. “I can’t.”
Lilly’s eyes grew wide, and Clarke inhaled sharply. “Lil?” But Lilly remained silent, staring at something only she could see. Something that filled her eyes with terror. The physical pain racking Lilly’s body was terrible, Clarke knew, but the hallucinations, the demons who were with her every moment, hovering at her bedside, were worse.
“No more.”
Clarke closed her eyes. The guilt and remorse she’d feel could never compare to Lilly’s pain. It’d be selfish to let her own fear prevent her from bringing her friend the peace she wanted—the respite from pain she deserved.
Her whole body was trembling so hard, she could barely remove the vial from her pocket, let alone fill the syringe. She stood next to the bed and clasped Lilly’s hand with one arm, using the other to position the needle over Lilly’s vein. “Sleep well, Lil,” she whispered.
Lilly nodded and gave Clarke a smile that she knew would be burned into her brain for the rest of her life. “Thank you.”
Clarke held Lilly’s hand for the few minutes it took for her friend to slip away. Then she rose and placed her fingers against Lilly’s still-warm neck, searching for a pulse.
She was gone. Clarke sank to the damp ground, gasping as her lungs reached desperately for the cool air, then rolled onto her side. Through the tears blurring her vision, she could make out the shapes of people standing all around her, their dark, featureless silhouettes still and quiet.
Her best friend, the only person who truly knew Clarke, who knew what she had done to Lilly and still loved her. Thalia had told her to make things right with Wells tonight—and then Wells had held Clarke back while they watched Thalia die.
“I’m so sorry, Clarke,” Wells was saying, reaching for her. She pushed his hand away.
“I can’t believe you,” she said, her voice cold and quiet. Rage billowed in her chest, as if there were flames inside her that needed only fury and grief to blaze into an inferno. “There was no way you’d make it,” Wells stammered. “I just—I couldn’t let you go. You would’ve been killed.”
“So you let Thalia die instead. Because you get to decide who lives and who dies.” He started to protest, but she kept going, shaking with rage. “Tonight was a mistake. You destroy everything you touch.”
“Clarke, please, I—”
But she just stood up, shaking the bits of cinder from her clothes, and walked into the forest without looking back.
They all had ash in thhad ash eir lungs and tears in their eyes. But Wells had blood on his hands.
31
Glass
“I’ll get a ring as soon as I find one at the Exchange,” Luke said to Glass, his hand on her lower back as he guided her through the crowded corridors back toward Phoenix. Most of the people who’d assembled to watch the comet were heading back to their residential units on the lower decks, making it difficult to move toward the skybridge. But Glass was hardly aware of which direction they were heading. Her heart was still thumping with joy, and she was shaking, holding tight to Luke’s hand.
“I don’t need a ring.” She reached up to touch the locket, which seemed to be radiating warmth through her chest. Nothing could happen immediately, she knew. Although she turned eighteen in a few weeks, they couldn’t risk getting married until the Chancellor woke up and confirmed her pardon—or never woke up at all. Her mother would understand eventually, once she saw how much Luke loved Glass. They’d get married and apply for permission to start a family, someday. But for now, just the promise of a future together was enough. “This is perfect.”
They turned out of the stairwell and into the corridor that led to the skybridge. Luke stopped short and pulled Glass to him as a dozen guards jogged by, so close a few of their sleeves brushed against Glass’s arm, although their eyes trained straight ahead. She shivered and leaned into Luke, who was watching them with a strange expression on his face. “Do you know what’s going on?” she asked.
“I’m sure it’s nothing,” Luke said too quickly, his words at odds with the tension in his jaw. But then he raised their interlocked fingers to his lips and kissed her hand. “Let’s go.”
Glass smiled as they continued walking. The thud of the guards’ boots had faded away, and they had the whole hallway to themselves. Suddenly, Luke stopped and raised her arm into the air. Before Glass had time to ask what he was doing, he’d spun her around and lowered her into a dip.
Glass laughed as Luke wrapped one arm around her waist and swept her across the empty hallway. “What’s gotten into you?”
He paused and pulled her even closer to him, then leaned in and murmured into her ear. “I hear music when I’m with you.” Glass just smiled and, in the middle of the hallway, closed her eyes as they swayed from side to side.
Finally, Luke stepped back, gesturing in the direction of the skybridge. “It’s almost curfew,” he said.
“Okay,” she agreed, sighing. They walked hand in hand across the skybridge, exchanging knowing smiles that made every cell in Glass’s body buzz with excitement. At the entrance to Phoenix, they stopped, reluctant to say good-bye. Luke ran his finger along the locket chain.
“I love you,” he said, squeezing her hand before giving her a little shove. “Let me know once you get home. I’ll come by tomorrow to talk to your mom.”
“Okay,” she agreed. “Tomorrow.”