Once we were through the gate, I slammed the gas again and shot down a back alley toward an open road up ahead. “Maybe we should go to the police. What if that’s the thing that brings Gesh down? An exposé on all the experiments he’s done on two kids down in his labs?”
“Yeah, and that wouldn’t make an impact on the future at all.”
I squeezed the steering wheel in my hands. Levi was right, but I didn’t appreciate his snide tone.
Was this even part of the Variant timeline Porter wanted me to play out? Blue getting shot? Dying in the back of a Cadillac? Bleeding to death, just like in Chicago? Did Porter know all this was going to happen? He said I couldn’t mess the Variant up. But what if he was wrong?
“You need to get me to a deserted area,” said Levi. “I need to lay him out flat if I’m going to try to get the bullet out.”
“The bullet’s still inside?”
“Gah, he just bled through the gown.” Levi pulled off his T-shirt and pressed it to the wound, tossing the blood-soaked medical gown to the floorboards. The car was already full of the acrid, rusty smell of blood. I could taste it on the back of my tongue. The air was tinged pink with it.
As I sped through an industrial-looking part of DC, past power plants and factories, I heard Levi swear. I glanced at the rearview mirror and saw Blue close his mouth and wince. He let out a sluggish groan.
He was waking up.
Waking up to a bullet wound. To his body covered in blood.
All my fault.
I turned into the entrance to what I thought was a park, but I soon realized it was a cemetery. One of those beautiful, rolling hill cemeteries with century old shade trees. How morbid was that? Leading Blue to a cemetery while he bled to death? But it was the best I could do. I wound my way through the grassy knolls and tree-lined roads, until I found a secluded place to pull off. It was a small gravel parking spot behind a utility building, somewhat shielded from view.
I threw the car into park and scrambled out to give Levi a hand. We stretched Blue out on his back across the back seat, but it was too tight for Levi to work. We lifted him up and carried him into the woods. Naked and bleeding. Arms hanging limp. His blood leaving a trail. I didn’t even want to think about what might have happened if someone saw us.
We rested him on the ground under the trees, and I cradled his head in my lap, in my arms. “I’m so sorry,” I said to him, my forehead pressed to his. I said it over and over, but no matter how many times I said it, it wouldn’t be enough. How much more pain would I cause for him? If he remembered me at all, he probably wished he’d never met me.
Levi used the scissors and screwdriver to try to retrieve the bullet. He swore under his breath a hundred times. It was too unsanitary. The tools were worthless. The bullet was too deep. There was dirt in the wound. Every time he spoke, he shot my hopes one-by-one like the dart and balloon game at the fair.
Finally he sat back on his heels and wiped the sweat from his brow with the back of his bloody hand. “I can’t do it.”
The last dart punctured the last balloon.
“No,” I said, looking up at him. “You have to keep trying.”
“I can’t do it,” he shouted at me, making me jump. He clutched the scissors and screwdriver in his hands so hard his knuckles turned white. Then he let out a defeated roar and chucked them into the woods. He stood up and staggered back to the car, his head in his hands.
I watched him go, my mouth hanging open. It wasn’t until then that I realized it wasn’t only Blue’s death Levi was angry about. It was mine. Ivy’s.
Your souls are universally linked across time. When you die, he dies. When he is reborn, you are reborn. He is your soul mate in the very literal sense of the word.
Blue wasn’t the only one Levi wasn’t able to save.
I wanted to go to Levi, explain that it wasn’t his fault. It was mine. But Blue rolled his head to the side and groaned.
“Blue?” I cupped his face in my hands. He wasn’t as cold as he was in the recovery room. Was that because he was waking up? Or was it because he had a fever from the bullet? “It’s me. I’m here. Can you hear me?”
He winced and groaned again, this one even more pitiful than the one before. He was getting weaker. He was going to die in my arms.
I bent down and pressed my lips to his forehead. I tasted my own tears. “I’m so sorry. Oh, God, I’m so, so sorry.”
I felt his eyelashes flutter on my chin. I jerked my head up to see his eyes half open. Groggy and heavy, but open. He stared at my face for a while, then his eyes opened all the way. He lifted his arm and cupped the back of my shaved head in his hand.
“Hey, Sousa.” He actually managed a small, weak smile. “You’re bald this time.” He glanced down at his body. “And I’m naked.”
I let out a laugh, choked with tears. “You remember me?”
His body shuddered with a cough, but his smile widened. “You kidding? You’re the one thing I can’t forget.” He reached his other hand up to touch my face, but saw it was coated in blood. “Oh.” He turned it from front to back. “Is this when I die?”
My smile vanished. “It’s all my fault. I came back to this life just to talk to you, and look what I’ve caused.” More tears streamed down my cheeks. They ran down my neck. Down my chest. My torn smock ruffled behind me in the breeze. “I keep doing this to you. I keep killing you.”
“Hey.” He made me look him in the eyes. “This is how it is. You and me, we die. It’s what we do.” He winced again. Coughed again.
I sniffed and wiped my nose on my sleeve. He was right, I guess. But it didn’t make it hurt any less, or feel any less my fault. “I don’t want to watch you die. I can’t.”
“Then don’t,” Blue said. “Go back to Base Life.” He sucked in a shallow breath. “Meet me there.”
“How? Where?”
He shivered all over. His teeth chattered. The ground was wet and muddy from the thunderstorm. “You know where.”
“I don’t. I don’t know your name, or where you live, or anything about you in Base Life.”
“Sousa.” He closed his eyes, his teeth chattering even more. It was becoming harder for him to breathe.
“Oh God,” I said, “don’t go yet. Please, tell me where you are in Base Life. Tell me your name.” I cupped his face in my hands again. I could barely see him through all the tears. No one had ever made me feel the way Blue did. I wanted more of him. So much more.
If I could have it.
With the tiny bit of strength he had left, he pulled my head down. I thought he was going to whisper his name in my ear, but instead, he pressed his lips to mine. He kissed me like he hadn’t seen me in years. Like he needed my mouth to survive. I poured myself into him, gave him everything, our lips salty from tears, from blood. He pulled himself up and wrapped his arms around me despite his pain from the gunshot. He ran his palms across my bare back. I clung to him like he might float away.
The moment was so fleeting. Over by the time it began. He jerked his head back and went into a spasm of coughs, bringing us back to reality, and I lowered him back down onto my lap. I held him in my arms, calming him, rocking him, until his body settled down.
“Come to Buckingham Fountain,” I said, squeezing his hand in mine. “New Year’s Eve. I’ll be there. I’ll wait for you. Will you remember?”
“Our fountain,” he repeated, his voice thin and strained.
“New Year’s Eve. Say it.”
He let out a weak sigh, the fit of coughing over for the moment. His eyes remained closed. “New Year’s Eve.” He said it like he was falling asleep.