“Where’s Thomas?” Joel asked, looking around the room.
“He’s coming,” she replied, snatching the extra set of keys from the pocket of her jeans. She went into the bathroom, turned on the shower, pushed the doorknob’s button lock, stepped out of the bathroom, and closed the door behind her. “Thomas is coming, but I don’t want him to hear us leave. We’re leaving without him. Do you understand?”
“Why did you lock the bathroo—?”
“Don’t worry about that. I don’t have time to explain.” She glanced at her clothes in the corner of the room. She would have to leave them here, remaining in her T-shirt and pajama bottoms. There was no time to get dressed. There was no time for anything.
“I want to get my—”
“No, Joel. We have to leave now.” She opened the door and poked her head out of the room. She could hear Thomas’s footsteps on the stairs, heading up toward them. He would be on their level in less than ten seconds. Halfway down the corridor in the direction of the stairs was a small alcove with a soda machine and an ice box. If they were quick about it, they could hide there until Thomas passed them along the walkway.
She pulled her head back inside the room and looked at Joel. “Very quiet,” she said. “Not a word.” Her son nodded, and she took his hand in hers. “Follow me.”
They slipped out into the hallway and closed the door gently behind them. The sound of Thomas’s tennis shoes on the steps was getting louder. His head would clear the level of the floor and they would be in his line of sight at any moment. Susan sprinted down the corridor to the alcove, pulling Joel along. Their bare feet were nearly silent on the concrete flooring. She could see the top of Thomas’s head come into view as she leapt into the alcove, dragging Joel with her. The large soda machine jutted out from the wall on her left, and they pressed their bodies against the space to the right of it, allowing it to shield them from view.
Susan wrapped her left arm around Joel’s body, pulling him toward her. In her right hand she held the key to the car, the short tip protruding from between her index and middle fingers. She would punch with that hand, she told herself, if it came to that. It wasn’t much of a weapon—and certainly didn’t match what Thomas was carrying—but it was the only one she had. The element of surprise would afford her one good shot, and she thought quickly about where to place it.
Then the sound of his footsteps passed them along the walkway. A moment later, she heard him open the door, step inside, and close it once again.
“Let’s go,” she whispered, and the two of them left the alcove and headed for the steps, taking them as rapidly as their bare soles could tolerate. They reached the bottom and hustled across the parking lot. Susan pressed the button on the remote to unlock the doors in anticipation of their arrival, and the car chirped responsively.
Shit, she thought, and on the second story above them a door suddenly opened and Thomas appeared at the railing.
“Mom,” Joel said.
“Get in the car,” Susan ordered, running around to the driver’s side of the vehicle.
“But Mom…”
“What?”
“He’s coming.”
Susan looked up. The spot where Thomas had been standing a moment before was now empty. Her eyes shot to the stairwell.
“Get in, Joel,” she said, dropping into the driver’s seat and fumbling to get the key into its slot in the ignition. The passenger door opened and Joel climbed inside. Through the open door Susan could see Thomas as he appeared at the foot of the stairwell, taking the last three steps in a single leap.
“Close the door!” she yelled, and Joel swung the passenger door shut. The fingers of her right hand felt numb and clumsy as she jammed the key home in the cylinder. Still, it wouldn’t turn. In her peripheral vision, she could see her oldest son sprinting toward them across the parking lot.
She grabbed the steering wheel and yanked it counterclockwise, freeing the key to turn in the ignition. The engine sprang to life just as Thomas reached the car and the door on Joel’s side began to open once again. “No!” she screamed, dropping the transmission into gear and mashing her right foot down on the accelerator. The vehicle lurched forward, wresting the door from Thomas’s grasp, and when it shut this time Joel locked it. The engine raced, but the vehicle moved slowly, as if it were being held back by invisible wires. In the rearview mirror Susan could see him, still running, still coming for them. For a frantic moment, she realized that he was gaining on them.
“The emergency brake,” Joel reminded her. Her right hand grabbed the handle, and her thumb pushed the release button as she slammed it downward.
The car sped up, sending them flying out onto the street. She hooked a left, scraping the right front quarter panel on a parked vehicle as they negotiated the turn too widely. When they reached the next intersection, she went right, barely slowing as the right rear wheel jounced up over the curb. She straightened out the steering, then gunned the automobile in the direction of the closest highway.
“Slow down, Mom! You’re gonna crash!” Joel yelled, reaching across himself to snap home the buckle of his seat belt.
Susan forced herself to back off on the gas. She was shaking uncontrollably, but she couldn’t bring herself to stop the vehicle until they’d covered another twenty miles. Then she got off at the next exit and eased the car to the shoulder, placing it in park and killing the engine. She leaned back in the seat and closed her eyes, attempting to pull herself together. Joel was quiet beside her, looking out through his window.
“I… I know this is very confusing for you… ,” Susan said haltingly. She began shaking again, and willed herself to stop, reminding herself that her son needed her. “It’s been… it’s been confusing for me for a long time,” she said, and she took a deep breath and let it out. “I owe you an explanation, and an apology.”
A car passed on the otherwise vacant early-morning stretch of highway to their left, and Susan turned abruptly in her seat to watch until it disappeared from view. She looked back at the nine-year-old in the seat next to her, his light brown hair still tussled and wild from the night’s sleep, a pillow mark fading on his face.
“I can’t explain everything right now,” she said. “But I want you to know… I want you to know that I’m sorry.” She began to cry then, the tears large and shameful and naked on her face, and she refused to lift a hand to brush them away. She deserved each and every one of them. “I want you to know that I’m sorry for bringing you into this, Joel. You’re a good kid, and I love you. You… you never deserved this.”
She tried to go on, but she couldn’t. The grief and fear and regret were all muddled up inside of her, and the more she tried to talk the more she wept, until at last her son placed a hand on her forearm to quiet her.
“It’s okay, Mom,” he said, and she looked at him and nodded, allowing herself to accept his forgiveness for the moment. Joel leaned over and gave her a hug, and she held him tightly against her, closing her eyes and mouthing a silent prayer of gratitude that he was safe—that they both were—for the first time in months.
A few minutes later, she started the car, readying them for the next leg of their journey. “Mom,” Joel said, and she smiled over at him, smoothing his hair with her hand.
“Yeah. What is it, honey?”
His freckled face was earnest but hopeful. “Can we go home now?”
Epilogue
Ben sat at his desk, the calendar laid out in front of him. Susan’s attorney had called this afternoon, advising him that a review hearing had been scheduled for three months from now. Will you be available to attend? the lawyer had wanted to know. “Of course,” Ben had replied. He glanced at the year in the upper right-hand corner, listening for a moment to the quietness of the house around him. Five years, he thought to himself. Was it really possible that his wife’s incarceration was finally drawing to a close? He could feel the weight of those years pressing upon him—years he had long since become accustomed to carrying. It was hard to imagine what it would feel like when that burden was finally lifted.