'Me, Your Highness?' He sat up. 'What's this got to do with me?'
'Everything. I need you to be my eyes and ears in that meeting tomorrow, Professor.'
'But — you're the prime minister! Isn't international diplomacy your job?'
She slouched in her chair, sighing. 'Ordinarily. The trouble is, I'm not invited.' 'Not invited?
'The Kallarapi government is one big boys' club,' the princess said sourly. 'No girls allowed. And with the entire privy council sacked — ' 'You want Gerald to be your spy!' said Reg.
He glared at her. 'Don't be ridiculous, Reg! Her Highness doesn't expect anything of the sort!'
Reg cocked her head. 'Really? Then why is she blushing?'
It was true: the princess's face was distinctly pink. 'Your Highness?'
Princess Melissande gave Reg a daggered look, then cleared her throat. 'The term "spying" is a gross exaggeration. Of course you musn't spy on His Majesty. But since I can't be there it would be extremely useful if I were to receive a report on what transpires between the king and the Kallarapi. Matters have reached a delicate crossroads, Professor. If I'm to avert disaster I need all the help I can get!'
CHAPTER EIGHT
'Sorry,' said Reg, before Gerald could answer. 'I'm afraid that's out of the question. In fact, you'll have to find yourself another court patsy — sorry, wizard — altogether. We're leaving. Come along, Gerald.'
'I don't think so,' he said as she launched herself into the air. 'You can go if you want. But I'm staying.'
'What?' she shrieked, hovering haphazardly in front of the closed office door. 'Gerald, are you cracked? This place is an international incident waiting to happen, and the closest you want to be to an international incident is reading about it in the newspaper over breakfast on another continent! Now let's gol I'm not a hummingbird, in case you hadn't noticed, and if you don't open this door in the next five seconds my wings are going to fall off1.'
He sighed. She meant well, she really did, but it was long past time she stopped treating him like her wayward little brother. 'Sorry, Reg. As New Ottosland's royal court wizard it's my duty to assist His Majesty — and Her Highness — in resolving this unfortunate impasse with the Kallarapi. As for your wings, if you don't want them to fall off I suggest you stop flapping them.'
Panting like a bellows, Reg lurched to the nearest bookcase that didn't contain a cat and landed with a thud. 'But didn't you hear what she said? Things are going to get ugly around here! And you know my feelings about unattractive situations!'
'Yes, I do,' he agreed. 'And you know mine about conduct unbecoming to wizards. Running away at the first sign of trouble is pretty unbecoming, don't you think?' Not to mention a shortcut to career suicide.
/ arn not giving up five minutes after getting here. I don't care how many camel pats this Zazoor starts lobbing over the border, I am staying put. And if I end up having to flush His Majesty's head down the bog to get him seeing sense, well, I'm practically a First Grade wizard. What can he do to me?
Reg slumped against the row of books behind her and draped a wing across her eyes. 'Gerald, Gerald, Gerald…' she moaned. 'You've been reading romantic adventure novels again, haven't you? What have I told you about romantic adventure novels? They're codswallop1. The only reason the heroes get out of those ridiculous dilemmas is because the writer is on their side!'
Peripherally aware of the princess's ill-concealed sardonic amusement, he fixed Reg with his severest stare. 'You're being unnecessarily melodramatic. I have every confidence we'll be able to sort out this international misunderstanding. His Majesty and the sultan may be a bit at odds, but I'm sure the last thing they want is a lot of mess they have to clean up.'
'Oh, pishwashV gasped Reg, and flew heavily from the bookcase to her original perch on his chair. 'Didn't you learn anything from your ill-advised sojourn at the DoT? The Lionals and Zazoors of this world never clean up their own messes. That's left up to the poor fools who don't know when it's time to head for the hills!'
A slow smile was spreading across the princess's face. 'Well, don't look now, Reg, but I think your friend Gerald has misplaced his watch.'
He smiled back at her. 'Seems to me, Your Highness, you're a trifle watchless yourself.'
'Oh, pleascV said Reg, flinging both wings over her eyes. 'Any second now an invisible orchestra is going to strike up a jaunty, never-say-die little tune with lovey-dovey undertones and I'll have to be sick!'
Magnificently unmoved by Reg's histrionics, Princess Melissande sat back in her chair and fixed her no-nonsense gaze on him. 'Trust me, Professor, there's not going to be an international incident over this. Or if there is, it'll be over my dead body.' 'That's what I'm talking about!' moaned Reg.
Gerald patted her on the head. 'You missed your calling, Reg. You should've been on the stage.' He looked back at the princess. 'There is one thing. What if the king commands me not to repeat anything I see or hear during the negotiations?'
She blinked. 'Oh — well — a stricture like that wouldn't apply to me. I'm his sister and his prime minister. He'll expect you to tell me so I can make the problem go away. That's what I'm for, you see. Making problems go away'
It sounded a daunting kind of life. 'Well. If you're sure…' 'Positive, Professor.' 'Then I'll do whatever I can, Your Highness.'
Was it his imagination or did he see the merest shimmer of a tear in the princess's eyes? 'Thank you,' she said.'I'm grateful.'
Marginally recovered, Reg sat up. 'How grateful?' 'I'm sorry?' said the princess, frowning. 'What's the going rate for gratitude around here?'
For a moment the princess was perplexed. Then her frown cleared. 'Ah! You mean salary? Good lord. You know, I'd quite forgotten about that.' Reg snorted.'I hadn't.'
'Behold me not shocked beyond the power of speech,' said the princess, staring over the tops of her glasses. 'Actually, now that I think about it we never did discuss remuneration, did we, Professor?'
Scandalised, Reg whacked him with her wing. 'Never discussed?' she screeched. 'Have you completely lost your marbles?'
He rubbed his arm. 'Calm down, Reg. The last time you got this excited it led to a spontaneous moulting and I don't want to go through that again! Do you?' Reg's beak closed with a snap.
'As it happens,' said Princess Melissande, 'we can offer you a package deal, Professor.' She opened a desk drawer. 'Here are two copies of our agreement, which I need you to sign.' She handed them over then gave him a pen. 'Basically we — that is to say, the Kingdom of New Ottosland — undertake to provide you with a palace suite in keeping with your august position, plus all meals, plus one day off duty per week, plus a horse from the royal stables or a carriage if you don't ride, but if you don't ride and hunt Lional will be displeased so I suggest you learn fast, plus fifty goldtroons a month from the royal Treasury. And you. Professor, in accepting the position of royal court wizard, become an honorary citizen of New Ottosland with all the rights and obligations thereto attached and undertake the performance of any and all wizardly tasks His Majesty might require.'
He handed back the pen and her copy of the signed contract. 'Provided, as we discussed, there's no conflict with my oaths of office.'
'Yes, yes, I knowV she snapped. 'Is my word on the matter sufficient or did you want it in writing?'
He swallowed. 'Your word is perfectly sufficient, Your Highness.'
'Good! Because while we're embattled, Professor, we're hardly unprincipled!'