Jez’s head was hung. Straggles of hair had escaped her hairband and fallen across her face. ‘Oh, I understand perfectly,’ she said.
‘And yet. .’ Pelaru seemed to be struggling with his words now. ‘I know it’s not real, but I still feel it!’
‘It is real,’ said Jez quietly. ‘It’s just not what we thought it was.’
Pelaru’s fists tightened, but he said nothing.
‘How is it that you can make me blind to you?’ Jez asked. ‘I can’t sense your mind the way I can with others.’
‘I don’t know how I do it. It’s different for everyone, I think,’ Pelaru said. ‘Every half-Mane is not the same. Osger couldn’t control it. He changed at the slightest provocation. I saw him slipping away from me, becoming more like them. He liked it.’
‘And you didn’t.’
‘I won’t give them that. I won’t give them an inch. They won’t have me.’ His hands were trembling. ‘But some things. . some things I can’t fight. And then the change will come.’
‘Imperators.’
‘There were two of them,’ he whispered. It was almost an apology.
There was silence then, and she thought how strange it was to love the Manes and hate them at the same time.
‘We’re infected,’ he said. ‘It’s a disease. Every day you have to fight it. Every day. Or it will take you.’
She stirred and raised her head. ‘What if you want to be taken?’
‘Don’t say that!’ He burst to his feet, sweeping an arm out angrily as if to dash her words away. ‘Osger would say that! Look at me! Do I fall into a coma after I change? Do I become wild and savage and lose my mind? No! Because I won’t submit to them, not even a little. Because I have it under control!’
Do you? she thought. Is that even possible?
He turned to her, an eager look on his face, and behind it something faintly desperate. ‘Maybe I could show you. I could teach you how to suppress it so nobody even notices you’re a half-Mane. I’ve seen how the others treat you. They flinch away; they can’t help themselves. You’ve lost control, that’s all! I could help you get it back!’
For the first time she saw him, unclouded by thoughts of love. She felt something unfamiliar then. Pity. Pity for this poor, pathetic creature who denied what he was. So what if he’d been made this way against his will? It was done. You could only deny your nature for so long.
‘I don’t want to control it,’ she said.
She met his eyes, and saw the shock there. He couldn’t believe what she was saying. But she’d never been more sure of anything. She got up, and walked past him, and went out of the room.
The last promise that humanity had offered her had turned out to be a lie. This was not a human love, but the love of the Manes for one another. Out there were her kin, ever waiting, ever faithful. They wanted her to join them. And she couldn’t think of a single reason to resist them any longer.
Twenty-Five
Frey dreamed he was in a metal box and someone was banging violently on the outside. Then he woke to find it was true.
‘Cap’n! Get up, you dozy sod!’ yelled Malvery, hammering at the door to his quarters. He jerked out of his bunk, tried to stand, and his feet went out from under him. He fell among the scattered luggage that covered the floor, bashing his elbow on the corner of his bed. He swore at the top of his lungs. Today was not starting well.
He unlocked the door and pulled it open. Malvery was standing there, holding a shotgun, wearing the grubby union suit that he slept in and heavy boots on his feet. The sight of the doctor in his underwear confused Frey for a moment. Then he remembered that he was wearing long johns himself, and he realised Malvery must be just out of bed like he was.
‘They’ve found us!’ he cried. What little hair he had left was sticking everywhere, and his eyes were cracked with a hangover. ‘The Coalition’s here!’ And with that, he ran off up the corridor. He’d only done up one button on the arse-flap of the union suit. Frey saw something he never wanted to see again.
He stood there and rubbed the back of his head dreamily. He’d taken a lot of Shine yesterday, and everything was just a little too hectic right now. The news took a moment to penetrate.
When it did, his eyes flew open and he sprinted for the cockpit.
The sound of thrusters grew all around him as he hurried to the front of the cockpit and stared up through the windglass. He swore again as he saw what was up there. A Tabington Wrath, a heavy fighter craft, about half the size of the Ketty Jay but with three times the armaments. It was a brick of dark metal, bulky and brutal. It kept its nose towards the Ketty Jay as it swung in to land, weapons trained. He wouldn’t get off the ground before they blew him to pieces. Nor would Malvery have time to get up in the autocannon cupola and swing it round.
But he couldn’t just do nothing. Drave would string him up if he got hold of him. The lethargy that grief had brought on was swept away by the need to survive.
Get outside. Fight if you have to. Flee if you can. But you can’t stay here.
He ran the other way, met Silo coming up the corridor. The Murthian was dressed in engineer’s overalls. He slung a pistol to Frey without a word and they headed down into the hold.
Someone had already opened the cargo ramp as they descended. An icy blast of wind flurried through and grey light seeped in. Jez was heading outside, rifle in hand; Malvery was on her heels. As he reached the bottom of the stairs, Bess went thumping past, eager to see what all the fuss was about.
Frey caught sight of Ashua, who was hovering between going outside and staying put. She met his eye, looked away in disgust, and followed the others.
Frey ran after her. He didn’t have a plan. He didn’t have anything. He was simply swept along in the momentum. Small arms would be no good against a Tabington Wrath, but he was damned if he’d hide inside his aircraft either. He felt stupid and reckless. He was in the mood to shoot someone.
They found Harkins and Pelaru outside. The chill hit him through his long johns and his bare feet sank into cold, wet earth. The grass was dewed with the morning. The crew had taken cover where they could find it: behind the Ketty Jay’s landing struts, behind the Firecrow, behind black volcanic rocks. Bess was stamping the ground; she’d been idle too long. The Wrath descended from a gloomy sky, coming in to land alongside them.
‘How’d they know we were here?’ Ashua cried over the roar of the engines.
‘Who cares?’ Frey shouted, though the question hadn’t been directed at him. ‘If they give us any shit, gun the bastards down!’
Malvery looked at him in disbelief. ‘That’s Coalition troops up there!’ he said, pointing.
‘I’m not going quietly to the noose, Malvery,’ he called back.
‘Look!’ said Ashua.
The electroheliograph on the Wrath was flashing. Frey made a hopeless attempt to figure it out before remembering that Jez was with them too.
‘Jez!’ he called.
‘I got it, Cap’n,’ she replied. ‘They don’t want to fight, Cap’n. They’re saying there’s no need for the weapons.’
‘We’ll decide that,’ said Frey.
‘Hold your fire till they’re down!’ Silo shouted. Frey felt a momentary surprise at hearing Silo give an order. Sometimes he had to remind himself that the Murthian was his first mate. It had only been a few months since he’d accepted the job, and Frey still wasn’t used to him being assertive.
The Wrath settled itself in the clearing alongside the Ketty Jay, and put down its passenger ramp. Frey blinked to try to clear the lingering fog in his head and sighted down his pistol at the doorway. If Kedmund Drave stuck his head out of that door. .