As I was saying good-bye to the Forsters, who were about to ride on to Enderby, Jethro came hurrying up. He looked very solemn and I knew at once that all was not well.
He looked at me with unhappiness in his eyes and I said quickly: “What’s happened, Jethro?”
“It’s the master,” he said.
I felt myself go cold with fear.
“It was an accident. He fell from his horse.”
“He’s …”
“Oh, he’s all right, mistress. I mean he’s not …”
“How bad, Jethro?”
“Well, it happened two days back. They got him to his bed. He’s not moved from it since. The doctor’s been with him … the one who came in Dr. Forster’s place.”
I nodded impatiently. “I will go to him … at once.”
“You may be shocked, mistress. The horse threw him, you see. ’Tweren’t her fault. Master’s leg troubling him made him an unsure rider sometimes.”
Charles was beside me. “I’ll wait,” he said, “in case you want me to see him. Derek, you and Isabel go on to Enderby. I’ll be with you soon.”
“I’m going straight to him now,” I said.
I ran up to our bedroom. Jean-Louis was lying in bed. He looked different—his face was white and drawn. But his eyes lit up at the sight of me.
I went to him, kissed him and then knelt beside the bed.
“Oh, my dearest … what happened?”
“It was my fault,” he said. “I was careless. This old leg … and the pain in my back … Weil, I was off my guard and old Tessa threw me.”
“And the doctor … ?”
“He wants Dr. Forster to look at me. I can see he’s a little grim, although he won’t commit himself.”
“Grim?” I asked.
“Well, I believe he thinks I won’t walk again.”
“Oh, Jean-Louis! And while I’ve been away …”
I thought of that day … the meal in the Rainbow, the trip down the river and most of all the enchanted evening. And while I was enjoying all that Jean-Louis was lying in great pain.
I vowed to myself that I would look after him for as long as he should need me. I must do that … to make up for the way in which I had wronged him.
“You mustn’t be upset, dearest Zipporah,” he said. “It might not be so bad. The doctor seems to think a chair on wheels … You see, I don’t seem to be able to use my legs.”
He looked up suddenly. Charles had come into the room.
“I’ve come to see you,” he said. “What happened?”
Jean-Louis told him what he had told me.
“May I examine you now?”
“Oh, do please,” I said.
Charles turned to me and said: “Perhaps you would leave us.”
I went out. Poor Jean-Louis. Why did this have to happen to him! He was such a good man. I thought if Dickon had never started that fire in Hassock’s barn this wouldn’t have happened. Jean-Louis, who had been an excellent horseman before his accident, had become a clumsy one afterward. I felt waves of hatred against Dickon.
It was stupid. It was unfair. Dickon had acted as any mischievous boy might in making a fire in the barn.
I had forgotten we had a guest. I hurried down wondering what James would think of me. He was all sympathy. I was not to worry about him. Someone would tell him where his room was and then he would hope to see Jean-Louis when he was well enough.
As Jean-Louis was in our bedroom with the doctor I had water sent up to another and there I washed the grime of the journey from my face.
I went down to the hall to wait for Charles.
“He’s been badly hurt,” he said when he came. “I don’t know whether he will ever walk again. He appears to have lost the use of his legs.” He looked at me sorrowingly. “There is another thing: he may suffer a good deal of pain.”
“Oh no …”
“I fear this is inevitable in view of the seat of the damage. But don’t worry. We will alleviate it all we can. I will get you some laudanum and morphia perhaps. You will have to be careful how you administer them. They can be easily fatal. But I shall give you full instructions.”
“Oh, thank you,” I said. “Thank you.”
He smiled rather sadly and laid his hand on my shoulder. “A sad homecoming,” he said. “A pity …” He turned to the door and there he paused. “These things happen,” he went on. “Don’t fret. He will be my patient and you may be sure that I shall do everything I can … for you both.”
I ran to him and he took both my hands in his. Then he bent forward suddenly and kissed my forehead.
I felt a great desire to throw myself into his arms. I wanted him to hold me … to shut out the cruelty of the world … I wanted us to cling together and I to forget my guilt for what I had done to Jean-Louis and for him to cast out forever that shadow which was haunting his life.
It was over in a few seconds.
“Don’t fret,” he said again. “Everything will be all right.”
Then he was gone.
I went along to see Jean-Louis. He smiled and held out his hand.
“What did the doctor say?”
“He doesn’t seem to know what damage has been done yet. But he’ll be there to look after you, and I have great faith in him.”
“Yes,” he said, “so have I.”
“He said you might have some pain but he can give you something. And, Jean-Louis, I shall be there to look after you.”
“My Zipporah,” he said. “My little love.”
I was holding his hand tightly and he said: “You mustn’t cry.”
I did not realize I was but he had felt the dampness on his hand.
“Zipporah,” he said, “look at me.” I did. His eyes met mine steadily. “Whatever happens,” he said, “I’ve had a good life. I owe so much to your mother, who took me in … but to you most of all. I’ll never forget what I owe to you. … Whatever happens … it will always be so. Nothing … nothing could change that.”
For a moment I thought: He knows. He is telling me he knows.
But no. He did not know that his beloved Lottie was not his. It was one of the greatest joys of his life to think that he had fathered her.
He was talking of her. She had been so good, he told me. She had been with him in his room, looking after him. “I made her go out. otherwise she would have been in the sick room all the time. She’ll be back soon and the first thing she will do is come and see me. Oh, I am indeed blessed in my family.”
“It’ll be all right.” I said. “I will look after you always.”
He smiled. I looked into his good patient face and prayed that he would not have to suffer pain.
It turned out that good sometimes comes out of evil.
Jean-Louis was very pleased to see James. They talked a good deal together and Lottie, who took a fancy to James, took him out to show him the estate.
It was three days after we had returned home when James came to me.
There was a purposeful look in his face.
He said: “Zipporah, I’ve been thinking. … With Jean-Louis incapacitated … what are you going to do?”
“The first thing is to get a man to manage the estate, I suppose.”
“I’ve been thinking … but this is subject to Hetty, of course … I’d have to see her. …”
“Oh, James!” I cried.
“Yes,” he said. “He’ll need someone he can trust … someone who speaks his language.”
“There’s only one who could give him the relief he needs.”
“I’ll come, Zipporah. Yes, I’ll come. That’s if Hester’s not too set against it. But I can persuade her, and when she knows how things are I don’t think she’ll put obstacles in the way.”
“Oh, James … James … this is wonderful.”
“All right then,” he said, “and if there’s trouble later … well, we’ll face that when it comes along.”