‘They could travel as my waiting-women,’ I said.
‘As what?’ cried Roger.
‘In our haste from York we left ourselves somewhat lightly attended to be ambassadors to the Duchess of Burgundy. Bear in mind that we shall be rolling up at one of the most formal Courts in Europe. You’ve got Arthur, and Sir James has got his man, but I’m rather conspicuously free of anyone to wait on me. The lads could fill in. It’d be an interesting experience for them.’
‘I suspect they’d sooner die.’
‘You could,’ I said, ‘give them the option.’
It was a long time since I had set eyes on either one of Elizabeth Woodville’s boys, and I had quite forgotten how handsome they were. All princes are handsome, of course, but these two remained so as bastards, and would still have shone as bricklayers.
It was a pity that the elder, Ned, was something of a weed. As soon as the door opened he started to whimper and we found him clutching his brother as if young Dickon was a rag doll.
‘The m-murderers are here,’ he stammered.
‘Sir,’ I said, forcibly, ‘these gentlemen are knights. Knights do not murder boys. They get contractors in to do such jobs for them. Moreover, it would be entirely against Court etiquette for them to murder even a grown man in my presence. You are quite safe.’
That calmed them down a little, and we were able to introduce ourselves.
‘Uncle Richard has already had one crack at us,’ said Dickon fiercely. ‘Now he’s shut us up in here, and taken all our old servants from us. I’m bored rigid. Why doesn’t he get it over with? He’s already killed our Uncle Rivers, and our half-brother, Richard Grey. What is he waiting for?’
‘Rivers and Grey were guilty of high treason, as you are not.’ Roger explained, with admirable patience I thought. ‘You are confined here for security reasons, and for your own safety.’
‘So he can poison us more easily,’ Ned whimpered.
‘The King had no hand in that. It’s likely that it was the work of rebel elements favourable to Henry Tudor.’
‘Henry Tudor?’
‘An obscure cousin of yours, who seeks to discredit the King for his own purposes.’
‘Aye,’ grunted Tyrell, ‘and how better to do that than by branding him a murderer of children? After all, no one can deny that King Richard is responsible for your safety. Bastards you may be, but you are still in his care. The trouble is that, even so close confined as you are, there’s no guarantee that these scum will not find a way to get at you.’
‘That’s why it’s necessary for you to disappear from men’s sight,’ Roger went on. ‘In Burgundy the Duchess your aunt should be able to arrange for you to live a more normal life. No one there, apart from her, will know you from Adam. Tell them the plan, Alianore.’
It was like Roger to leave the easy bit to me. The boys, I have to say, were not mad keen on the idea. I think what swung it in the end was their realisation that it was the only way that they were going to get out of the Tower. With so many enemy agents about, we couldn’t run the risk of anyone tracing them to Burgundy.
‘It is only until we get to Aunt Margaret’s, isn’t it?’ asked Dickon.
‘Of course it is. I can assure that it will be no worse for you than it was for me when I had to dress up as one of Warwick’s archers. As you can see, there are no long-term effects.’
‘You were an archer, my lady?’ Ned asked, gaping.
‘Yes, I was. I sure as hell didn’t enjoy it at the time, but it gave me a new window on life. Just look on this as a learning opportunity.’
‘All right then,’ he said, sulkily. ‘Anything to get out of this dump. Just don’t expect us to like it.’
‘I’d be more worried if you did,’ I said.
As luck would have it, Brackenbury had two daughters of about the right sizes, and we were able to send them around the fripperers of London to obtain suitable second-hand clothing. Roger and James Tyrell began to spread a few crazy rumours around, often getting drunk in the process so as to make it more convincing, while Brackenbury arranged for some highly suspicious excavations at the Tower, under the direction of a trusted priest. A couple of skeletons were found at the bottom of the hole, which threw us into some confusion. However, as Brackenbury pointed out to us, the Tower has been an inhabited site since Roman times. (Julius Caesar allegedly issued the first building contract.) Over the years, many people have been buried and forgotten. We put an old velvet cloak over the bones, had the priest say a mass for them, and covered them up again.
While all this was going on I had the task of coaching the boys for their new roles. This, perforce, had to be something of a crash course, enabling them to walk without tripping over their gowns, to turn without tangling their legs in their skirts, and to curtsey without falling over.
‘Listen,’ I said, after they had more or less mastered these basics, ‘I can’t possibly teach you all the tricks of being a damosel in so short a time. These are the guidelines. Keep your mouth closed. Walk slowly, with small steps, and try not to flash too much hose-cloth, especially when you’re dealing with stairs or climbing on a horse. Keep your eyes downcast. When you sit down, keep your ankles crossed. Blush as much as possible. And if any man tries anything on, just imagine that he’s got a football between his legs, and try to score a goal with it. From thirty yards.’
Roger arrived just at that moment. You could see that he was doing his best not to laugh.
‘How is it going?’ he asked.
‘I don’t think that they’d stand close inspection,’ I sighed, ‘but with any luck they shouldn’t have to. It’s not as if we’re seeking marriages for them, is it?’
‘Their bridegrooms would certainly find a few things lacking!’ Roger chortled. He was enjoying himself, even if no one else was.
‘I could name some men who’d think their boat had come in,’ I muttered, ‘but that’s besides the point. Have you made all the travel arrangements?’
He nodded. ‘A King’s ship from Dover. Captained by Sir Edward Brampton.’
‘We know him!’ squealed Dickon enthusiastically. ‘Our father’s godson.’
‘And, of course,’ Roger went on, ‘a litter from here to Dover for you and the girls.’
‘Don’t push it, Sir Roger,’ snapped Ned.
‘It’s as well to think of yourselves in those terms until we get to Flanders,’ I said. ‘Remember, you’re acting a part. Slip out of character for a couple of minutes and you’ll give the whole game away, and perhaps put your lives at risk. Once you’re safe with your aunt you can stomp and swear and pick your noses to your hearts’ content, but for the present you’re Edwina and Richildis, and you’ll bear yourself accordingly.’
‘Yes, my lady,’ simpered Dickon. He made quite a decent tilt at a curtsey, but took things just that bit too far, and fell on his behind. He found this most amusing. I bit my tongue, remembering the days when I’d have got a week on bread and water for a mistake like that. At least he was getting into the spirit of things.
We left London by way of the Bridge, and as it was first thing in the morning we ran into all the incoming traffic from Southwark and the southern suburbs. I don’t know what fool decided to make the Bridge so narrow, but it’s awkward for litters at the best of times, unless you’ve got a company of archers to hold back the plebs, and we were stuck in the crush for the best part of an hour. I suppose that one day someone will get around to constructing a second bridge, but God knows when that will be. It’s only been needed for about two hundred years, after all.
The boys would keep leaning out to see what was going on, and I lived in constant fear of someone recognising them. People were having a much closer look at us than was comfortable, and I wasn’t sure that we were going to pass muster. I fondled the butt of the hand-gonne I had bought in preparation for the hazards of the journey, then remembered that it was quite useless unless I could find a way to light the slow-match that went with it.