At the moment I was giving way to despair, the wheel of fortune fumed in my favor. The disturbance had much increased at the appearance of Francoise, who, as soon as she beheld the rector, dropped the candlestick, thinking it must be a ghost. I wish I could give this picture as it deserves, but must let a mere sketch suffice. There stood the rector in his shirt, with a greasy cap in his head, his eyes staring, his mouth wide open, striking at the abbe and his niece; while the damsel was burying herself in the bed, and her lover covering himself with the counterpane, and making occasional attempts to put his fist in the parson's face. On the other side was my late bedfellow in her shift, the candle in hand, advancing towards them, just essaying to cry out, but, struck dumb with fear, she falls backwards into a chair.
I guessed from the sudden silence that ensued that the abbe, fearing an ecktircissement, had run away and was pursued by the rector. In a moment I heard the door of the chamber where. 1 was imprisoned opened, and shut again directly. The person made straight for the bed and got in; I concluded it must be Francoise, who would soon be joined by her master. However everything had become very quiet, and I could hear the occupant of the bed sobbing and sighing most pitifully. This was rather perplexing, and I could not tell what to make of it; but after a few moments' consideration I came to the conclusion that it was foolish to lose a chance of rendering the unknown one a service by consoling her grief-burdened spirit. I accordingly went up to the bed with all imaginable caution, and introduced myself as politely as I could; but not with sufficient address to prevent an exclamation of terror, which was instantly stifled for fear of its being heard by others. I could not suppose the person to be other than the old lady, and was somewhat surprised when I found she kept retreating as far as possible from me. I deemed that the best way of putting an end to all this nonsense would be to explain my meaning, which I did by thrusting my hand up between her thighs, and was astonished at finding them as firm and velvety as one could wish. My hand did not stay on the passage, but advanced to focus of pleasures, and there I found everything more like a young girl than an old hag of sixty. My hand did not lie idle, but stirred up the fire of excitement, so that my fair one soon ceased to sigh, and began to draw closer to me and I to her. At last I mounted and effected an entrance.
“Ah, my dear abbe,” said she, “how came you here? I fear my love will cost me dear!”
Though rather touched by this speech, our transports soon redoubled, and our sighs mingled together, as we pressed each other more closely. When the crisis was over, I recollected the words that I have given above, and was lost in conjectures as to what connection the old lady and the abbe could have. My conjectures were not of long duration, for I became eager to improve the time and snatch another morsel. When I put my hand on her thighs, I found them as charming to the touch as before, which sufficed to convince me that Nicole was my bedfellow, instead of the old housekeeper. I therefore determined to do my best.
“My dear Nicole,” said I, kissing her tenderly and counterfeiting the voice of the abbe as well as I could; “what are you thinking about? Can you give way to sorrow now a happy chance has favoured us with this unexpected opportunity of gratifying our mutual passion? Let us to business, and drown sorrow in the overflowings of our love!”
“I am glad to hear you talk so,” said she; “for your troubles made mine doubly heavy. Yes! let us profit by this sole means of comfort that remains to us. Let what will happen,” said she, taking my tool in her hand, “so long as I possess this treasure, I do not fear even death itself. Do not be uneasy at the thought of our being interrupted; I have locked the door, so that no one can come in without breaking it open.”
I was glad she had taken this precaution, and inspired by love I caressed her with increasing vehemence. My instrument under the tutelage of her fingers had assumed an extraordinary thickness, which quite enchanted my lady.
“Quick!” said I, “put it into your delicious receptacle, or I must…”
She appeared to be in no hurry, but continued to finger it, as if amazed at its size, which she fancied was produced by her caresses. I wanted to put it in myself, but she begged me to wait for it to become both bigger and longer, asking me if it was not larger than ever she had felt it before. From this I inferred that her abbe was not so well provided as myself; I could have laughed at her question, had I not been better occupied. “Oh, how delightful it will be,” said she, as she put things in train. “Push, my dear, push!” I did not need this advice; I gave way to my fury, and was soon lost in the ecstasy of love, which she appeared to share with me. However, our transports betrayed us; the bedstead was close to the partition, and we never imagined that Francoise was in the next room; this unluckily was the case, and our thoughtless eagerness made the bedposts rattle against the partition, which told her but too plainly what was going on in our chamber. The old jade ran to the door as quickly as she could, and finding it locked, she began calling out for Nicole at the top of her voice. We were greatly alarmed at this, and stopped short in our proceedings, but when the old woman became quiet, our prudence soon forsook us. Too much excited to remain long in such disagreeable inaction, we recommenced our work; it is true that we were as still as we could possibly manage, but our tormentor was evidently on the watch, and had no difficulty in explaining the stifled sounds that reached her ear. She began again to call out to Nicole, thumping the partition, and ordering her to give over that kind of amusement. This disturbed us, but not so much as you might suppose; for as I Saw we were discovered, I said to Nicole that we had no occasion to interrupt our pleasures, in which she silently acquiesced; and we accordingly went to work as hard as we could, taking no notice whatever of the incessant thundering kept up by Francoise against the wainscot. I do verily believe that the singular circumstances in which we were placed considerably heightened the pleasure that we mutually experienced. But it was now high tune for me to retire to my own bed-so after telling my fair partner to whom she was indebted for so vigorous a thumping, I left her, and retired to my apartment. When I had got into bed I could not sleep at first for thinking of the singular adventures of the night, and what would be the consequences of them in the morning. However my fatigue ultimately overcame me, and I slept till nearly noon. When I awoke, I was startled at seeing Annette at the bedfoot, apparently waiting for me to awake.
“Come, my lad,” said she; “you had better get up; Father Polycarp is going, and he means you to accompany him.”
On hearing this, I jumped out of bed, dressed myself in a few moments, and in an hour's time was riding on the crupper behind the reverend Father, on the way to his convent.
PART THE SECOND
CHAPTER FOUR
In describing the kind of life that we led at the convent, I shall have occasion to exhibit the holy occupants of those retreats in a light somewhat different from that in which they are usually viewed. This, however, is not my fault, I can only relate what I witnessed, and shall endeavor to do that as faithfully as possible.
Let me be allowed to offer a few reflections respecting our mode of life, that may serve to show to what a shameful extent corruption exists among the monarchal cloister by a variety of causes, the most general of which are laziness, profligacy, cowardice, and the utter loss of propriety and honor. It is a pity, that those simple hearted souls, who imagine that religion induces men to embrace a conventual life, cannot behold the real state of things. How deeply would they blush at the abominations practised by those whom they now so blindly reverence. Let me for a while draw back the curtain, and show up a few of my worthy companions in their proper colors.