‘My Lord Gaius! Princeps!’ Philo cried. ‘We are falsely-’ Caligula cut him off with a sharp gesture and then pointed to the floor. ‘Callistus, the mosaic is far too pastoral. Have it re-laid with a more martial theme: me vanquishing the Germans would do it. Vespasian, come with me.’ He looked back at Philo. ‘Continue your whingeing!’ With that he hurried off along an airy corridor with high windows, running off the atrium, with Callistus and Vespasian accompanying him and Magnus in close attendance.
‘We are falsely accused, Princeps,’ Philo called out as he and his embassy, now bereft of any semblance of dignity, scurried after their Emperor with the Greek delegation in hot pursuit. ‘We did sacrifice, many times. We didn’t even take the flesh home for our tables as is our custom but, rather, committed the victims entire to the flames as burnt offerings.’
Caligula turned into a high-ceilinged room, bare apart from a few faded upholstered couches and a couple of statues, one of Augustus, the other, Agrippa. One look at the second statue caused Caligula to shriek: ‘Get rid of it! And have the place scoured for any more likenesses of that … that …’
‘He doesn’t like to be reminded of his grandfather,’ Vespasian whispered to Magnus. ‘He came from an unknown family.’
‘And, Callistus, have my statue replace it but make sure that it’s bigger than Augustus. The room needs to be lavishly furnished in the …’ Caligula stopped mid-sentence and looked back at the door in which Philo stood with the bobbing heads of Jews and Greeks alike trying to see over his shoulders. ‘How many?’
Philo looked puzzled. ‘How many what, Princeps?’
‘How many times have you sacrificed?’
‘Three, Lord Gaius: once on your accession, once when you recovered from your illness, and a third time, recently, in hope of your victory over the Germans.’
‘Greek style, Callistus,’ Caligula said, barrelling towards the door and causing Philo and all those jammed within it to retreat in disarray. Callistus, Vespasian and Magnus followed him through, further disordering the two delegations. ‘Grant that all this is true,’ Caligula said, waving a pointed finger in the air as he disappeared on down the corridor, ‘and that you did sacrifice, you sacrificed to another god and not to me.’
‘But we sacrificed on your behalf, Princeps,’ Philo called from within the throng barging each other to keep pace with the Emperor.
‘What good is that to me?’ Caligula stopped suddenly and swung round, causing both delegations, now hopelessly mixed together, to halt as if they had slammed into an invisible wall. ‘You sacrifice to me, not for my sake!’ He spun away and the Greek delegation cheered a point well made whilst Philo and the rest of the Jews looked downcast and rubbed their beards.
‘They’d have done better staying home in Alexandria,’ Magnus observed as he and Vespasian followed Caligula into the next room.
‘Not enough red,’ Caligula said and doubled back causing Magnus and Vespasian to part for him.
Callistus scribbled a note as he chased his master out.
‘Philo was under the misapprehension that the Emperor had the same grasp of justice as a learned Jew would,’ Vespasian muttered. ‘I would guess that his reaction to the reality would be …’
‘Outrage?’ Magnus suggested. Vespasian tilted his head indicating agreement with Magnus’ assessment.
‘Why won’t you eat pork?’ Caligula asked, much to the vocal amusement of the Greeks.
Philo’s mouth opened and closed a couple of times. ‘Er, well, Princeps, different nations have different laws; there are things of which the use is forbidden to both us and our adversaries.’
‘Ha! That’s true,’ Caligula said, causing the Greek mirth to subside.
Philo pressed his point. ‘There are many people who don’t eat lamb, which is the most tender of all meats.’
Caligula laughed. ‘They are quite right for it’s not at all nice.’
Philo beamed with relief that he had finally got the Emperor to accept a point.
‘Perhaps you’re not so backward,’ Caligula mused. ‘What principles of justice do you recognise in your constitution?’
‘So did they find the Scorpion?’ Magnus asked as Philo launched into an in-depth analysis of Jewish law, failing dismally to capture the Emperor’s attention.
‘They did,’ Vespasian replied with a half-smile. ‘Sempronius is currently languishing at the Urban Prefect’s pleasure whilst he decides whether to condemn him to the arena as he deserves.’
‘And?’
‘And they took the Scorpion away.’
‘Obviously. But where did they take it?’ Magnus asked as they entered a huge hall at the heart of the villa.
‘As it happens, I had them deliver it to my house.’
Magnus looked at Vespasian, astounded.
‘It’s too cold in here, Callistus; have all the windows filled with glass pebbles so the light can still get in.’ Caligula moved onto the next room as Philo continued his monologue on all aspects of Jewish law, unattended by the imperial ear.
‘How did you manage to do that?’ Magnus asked once he had digested the information.
‘In very much the same way as Lentullus hoisted responsibility for Philo’s embassy, when the Emperor took an interest in it, onto Corbulo’s shoulders and then he onto mine so that any mistake could be construed as my fault, not theirs.’
‘Ah! You told Lentullus that the Emperor was involved.’
‘Yes; I said the Emperor had heard a rumour, as he came up the Appian Way, that something was to be smuggled into the city using his arrival at the Capena Gate as a diversion and he had asked me to look into it. Lentullus, naturally, couldn’t pass on all responsibility to me fast enough.’
‘I’m sure.’
‘So I used the centurion who had let it through the gate to search Sempronius’ place, explaining to him that since he knew what it looked like, having been bribed to let it through the gate, it would make it much easier for him to find it again before forgetting he had ever heard of it in the first place.’
‘Very sensible.’
‘What are you saying?’ Caligula asked abruptly, bringing Philo’s speech to a sudden halt.
‘I was saying, Princeps-’
‘Bring my father’s pictures that he brought back from Syria and install them in here,’ Caligula said, his attention now on the small, intimate library he had just entered rather than on Philo.
‘Yes, Divine Gaius,’
Callistus said, making another note. Caligula contemplated the ceiling for a few moments before turning to Vespasian. ‘These Jews don’t appear to me to be wicked so much as unfortunate or foolish, in not believing that I have been endowed with the nature of God.’
‘Indeed, Divine Gaius,’ Vespasian replied, the solemnity of his voice matching his expression.
‘Princeps, may we now put our case?’ Philo asked.
‘Case? What do you think you’ve been doing for the last half an hour? You’ve put your case to me and I’ve decided that you are misguided in your attitude to my divinity and not malicious and therefore can be allowed to live. You may go.’ He turned on his heel and headed off with Callistus padding behind him leaving Philo straining, with every fibre of his being, to swallow his view on how he had just been treated until Caligula was out of earshot.
‘Gentlemen,’ Vespasian said, amusement on his face, ‘it’s time to go home now. We’ll take you to Ostia tomorrow to find passage back.’
‘It’s an outrage!’ Philo finally burst out.
‘If you mean your still being alive, Philo, then you may find some that would agree with you. However, if I were you I would get on a ship back to Alexandria and thank your god that you caught the Emperor in a merciful mood.’
‘But we were here to complain about our ill-treatment.’