“Oh, my goodness! What are you up to, Alan?”
“I’m not up at all-I’m d-down,” he said laughing and got up, his hair rumpled.
Jenny seized Meg with one hand and Joyce with the other.
“Shocking children! Now behave, or I’ll send the boys away.”
“Oh, you wouldn’t do that!” said Meg.
“Oh, Jenny darling!” said Joyce.
Mac and Alan struck an attitude and repeated her words, “Oh, Jenny darling!” and the whole group dissolved into laughter.
Looking back on it afterwards, Jenny thought that was her last happy time with them-her very last, though she didn’t know it. She only felt happy, and as if the old bad times had gone away and would never come again.
It went on being happy. The little girls, protesting, were removed by Carter. They could go to tea with Nanny any time, they said.
“Just any time at all, Carter-you know we can! But we can’t have Mac and Alan to tea with us-only once in a blue moon!” they protested.
Carter was very firm indeed.
“I don’t know when I heard such nonsense,” she said. “It’s come out quite bright and clear, and the rain over as anyone can see. And Nanny’s been making cakes for you all morning, I shouldn’t wonder.”
“Will she have made the sort that has chocolate icing on it?” said Joyce in a hopeful tone.
“I shouldn’t wonder,” said Carter more indulgently.
Their protests had grown feebler. They hadn’t had much hope of being let off. They went away to be washed and dressed, and finally set out, the very picture of two good obedient little girls.
When Jenny got back to the schoolroom she found only Alan there. He said,
“Mac’s gone to the Raxalls.”
Jenny felt a quite sickening disappointment. He didn’t care-he didn’t care a bit. Oh well, if he didn’t care, then she didn’t either. Or did she? She couldn’t answer that, but the question went on in her as she got tea for Alan and herself and talked to him about his plans for the future.
Chapter VII
I’m really very glad that Mac has gone for Mother,” said Alan. “I don’t often get a chance t-to talk to you alone.”
Jenny smiled in an absent way. She was wondering whether it was a party that Mac had gone to, and whether Anne Gillespie would be there. She had to give herself a little mental pull and to come all the way back from the Raxalls. You couldn’t do that in a moment. She thought that Mac and Anne would make a splendid pair. They were both all fair and golden, with dark blue eyes and the darker lashes which showed up the blue. She came to herself with a jerk.
“What did you say, Alan? I was thinking of something else.”
Alan looked hurt. When he was hurt he stammered more than usual. He said with an angry rush of syllables,
“You w-weren’t l-listening! You n-never do l-listen when it’s m-me!”
Jenny was conscious of guilt. The consciousness put colour into her cheeks and a soft light into her eyes.
“Oh, Alan-I’m so sorry. I-I was just thinking of something else.” Her colour burned brighter as she remembered what she had been thinking of.
That raised colour went to Alan’s head. He took it for what it certainly was not, an interest in him. He reached out across the tea-table and caught at the hand which was offering him cake.
“Jenny, you’ve got to listen to me. I can’t s-stand back and l-let things happen-I can’t really. No one could expect me t-to. I don’t so often get an opportunity that I can afford to l-lose one when it comes. You c-can’t expect me to.”
Jenny put the plate down. She hoped that Alan would take the hint and let go of her hand, but he only held on to it harder than ever.
“Alan, don’t be ridiculous! You’re hurting me!”
“I don’t want to hurt you. Oh, my God, Jen-I’d do anything to stop you being hurt. It’s because of that-oh, you m-must know-you m-must see!”
Jenny was shaking. She took hold of herself as firmly as she could. He was just a boy-a silly boy. She said as calmly as she could,
“Alan, what is it?”
He released her hand as suddenly as he had taken it. He got up, spilling his cup of tea, and went over to the mantelpiece, where he stood looking down into the little black fire.
“D-don’t you know that I l-love you?” he said in a muffled voice.
“Oh, Alan, you can’t-you don’t really!”
“Because I’m not M-Mac,” he said.
“Oh, Alan-”
“Why shouldn’t I l-love you? Will you t-tell me that? I’m no one of c-course-no one to anyone.”
“Alan-”
He swung suddenly round and faced her.
“N-no, you listen to me! I’ve got things to say to you, and this is a good time to say them.”
He had stopped stammering, and he was very like his father. She had only seen Colonel Forbes angry once. It was a long time ago when she was quite a little girl. There was a man who had frightened a woman. The whole scene flashed back into Jenny’s mind. It had frightened her very much then, but she wasn’t frightened now. All her colour had gone. She lifted her eyes and looked at Alan.
“What do you want to say?” she said.
“This. I love you. I’ve loved you for a long time. I can’t afford to marry yet-I know that. But if you’ll be engaged, it-it would be a protection for you. We’ll get married in about three years’ time if-if you didn’t mind starting in a small way. I didn’t mean to say anything, but Mac’s no use to you-he isn’t really. And if you were engaged to me, he’d leave you alone-he-he’d have to.”
Jenny had got paler and paler. This was one thing she had never thought of. Alan was just Alan, like a brother. She had never thought of him like this. If she had been older she would have reflected that a boy of his age must be in love with someone, but she hadn’t enough experience to know that, and what she didn’t know she couldn’t say. She just sat there at the table and thought, “Oh, poor Alan! What shall I say-what shall I do?” She hardly knew what he was saying. She looked at him as if she didn’t understand.
“Oh, Alan, please-”
He came across to her.
“It’s no good saying ‘Oh, Alan-’ It’s not a bit of use. You’re mine -you’re not Mac’s-I won’t let him. Oh, J-Jenny!” He went down on his knees beside her and caught her about the waist.
She felt suddenly sure of herself. She wasn’t frightened of him, because he was just Alan whom she had known always, who had been like a brother. That was it. That was why she felt it was all wrong. When she spoke, her voice shook a little, but she felt an inner calmness.
“Alan, you mustn’t-you mustn’t really. And it’s no use-it’s no use at all.”
He looked up at her wildly.
“Why is it no use? Why should you say that? I’d work for you-I’d do anything. Listen-I’ve got an idea. There’s a friend of mine-his name’s Manning. He’s an awfully good chap. Strong as a bull, and he wants to go in for farming. His father’s got a lot of money, and he was very disappointed because Bertie didn’t want to go into the business. It’s steel or something, and Bertie said he simply couldn’t bear the thought of it. He says he doesn’t want to be rich, he just wants to have enough, and he wants his father to put his younger brother in his place, and to let him have just enough to run a farm on. Reggie is quite different. He’d like to be the elder son, and he’d like to be in the business. He thinks Bertie is a fool, and as Bertie says, if he is it’s his own look out, and it’s all to Reggie’s good. So you see-”
At this point Jenny made a determined effort and freed herself. She pushed back her chair and walked over to the fireplace. Alan followed. He stumbled as he got up, and upset Jenny’s cup, but he was much too busy with his argument to notice it. He came to the other side of the mantelpiece and stood there frowning.