So the knock on the door had been anything but a happy surprise. She strode across the hardwood fast, reached for the door. “Damn it, I said I need a little space-”
Alex stood in the hallway.
“Oh.” She crossed her arms over her chest, feeling trapped and a little silly. “You.”
“Listen, I can’t stay. Cassie’s got a soccer game, I promised I’d be there. But I wanted to-I couldn’t say it in front of the others. First Victor, then Mitch, they got me so riled up.” He let out a breath. “It doesn’t matter. I wanted to say I’m sorry.”
“OK.”
He gave her a rueful smile. “I really pissed you off, didn’t I?”
“You bailed on us.”
“That’s not what I’m apologizing for.”
“No?”
“I had to do that. I have my daughter to think of.”
“We all have people to think of.”
“I know. But you don’t know what it’s like to have a child. It… it takes over everything. When I heard Victor threaten her, I could have… Jesus. If it wasn’t for his guards, I might have put his face through that table.”
There was something in the way he held himself, the tension in his shoulders, that touched her. In the genes, she supposed-hard not to be attracted to a man who would do anything for his family. “I’m glad you didn’t try.”
“I know.” He paused. “I’m going to lose her, Jenn.”
“Mitch thinks that if we give the stuff to Victor-”
“I don’t mean that. They’re taking her away. To Arizona.” He looked down, rubbed at the back of his neck. “I brought Trish the money. I know, I shouldn’t have, just like Ian shouldn’t have paid his bookie, but I had to. And they had this lawyer there, this slick as shit corporate killer, and he-”
“Unbelievable.” She shook her head. “You’re a piece of work, you know that?”
“Huh?”
“First, you come down on Ian for doing the same thing you did.”
“That was different-”
“But beyond that, it’s always the same for you, isn’t it? You never look at the things you don’t want to. You convince yourself of something and screen out the rest of the world. Of course you can’t just waltz in, give her some money, and make everything OK. Did you really believe that was going to work? For a bright guy, you sure miss the obvious. You did it with your marriage, your job, the child support, even-” She stopped herself.
“Even you,” he said. “That’s what you were going to say, isn’t it? Well, maybe you’re right. That’s why I’m here. To apologize.”
She waited, gave him nothing.
“I’ve been stupid in so many ways. Everything you said, and more.” His gaze was level, challenging. “The other night, when I came over… it was… I’d just come from Trish’s-well, from a bar-and I was hurting, and I needed someone to help me, to make it better. And the only person I could think of was you.”
Jenn stared at him, the hard line of his jaw, the muscles his shirt didn’t conceal, the haunted look in his eyes. There had been a time when hearing that would have made her happy. They’d told each other that they were just passing time and taking pleasure. But though she’d been willing to go along, it wasn’t the way she was wired. The way women were wired. Not really. No matter the promises, the words spoken, the secrets, she couldn’t sleep with someone for a year and not care about him. Not wonder about a future. Once upon a time, hearing him say that would have made her very happy indeed.
Now, though, it just annoyed her. “I don’t really know what to do with that.”
“I know.” He shifted. “I know.”
“Mitch and I…”
“I’m not trying to get in the middle of that.”
“Yes, you are.”
“How are things with the two of you?”
“I like him. It’s nice to have someone want you, want to be with you, want to let everyone know it.” She saw Alex wince, but didn’t feel like making it easier on him. “And he’s smart, and strong. Stronger than any of us thought.”
“But?”
“Why do you think there’s a ‘but’?”
“Isn’t there?”
“It’s just, it’s all so fast. He thinks it’s true love, that this is a musical and all the excitement is part of the fun.”
“And you don’t.”
“I don’t know. Everything is complicated.” She sighed. “You know how I told Victor that the stuff was in the bank? I lied.”
“What? But the key-”
“I got a safe-deposit box, but it was for the money. The bottles are still in the drug dealer’s car. I lied to buy some time so we could go to the police. But Mitch said that if we do, he’ll go to jail.”
“He’s right. He killed someone. He would go to jail. He should go to jail.” Alex paused, then something came into his eyes. “But you can’t live with that. Because he did it for you.”
“It wasn’t that simple, like he-”
“Come on.” Alex shrugged. “You know the truth. He did it for you. All of it.”
“Screw you.”
“You know I’m right.” His voice, in its calm certainty, was too much.
“You know what? I don’t think I know a thing when it comes to you.” The anger came quick and hot. “You spend a year alternately sleeping with me and telling me that what we’re doing doesn’t matter. Then the moment someone else is willing to step up, suddenly I’m all you can think of.”
“How’s this for stepping up?” He moved toward her, put his hands on her shoulders and pulled her to him, his lips pressing hers, his body hard against her, muscular and sure. It felt at once familiar and exhilarating, that old heat rising between them-
She turned her head away. “No.”
“Jenn-”
“I said no.” She pushed him, and he stepped back, looking wounded.
He said, “You lied to me too, you know. And I told you, my daughter-”
“Yeah. You told me.” She snorted, the anger making her hands shake. It felt good, better than being scared and confused. “Fine. Thanks for telling me.”
“I didn’t come here to fight.”
“No. You came to apologize.” She stepped back, put her hand on the door. “Well, mission accomplished.”
“Jenn, wait.”
“Go watch your daughter play soccer.” She closed the door.
EVERYTHING HAD TURNED TO SHIT.
Alex stood outside her door for a long moment, wondering if he should knock again, wondering if she would open it if he did. Finally, he slunk down the stairs, got in his car, and started counting the things he didn’t have.
No job. No family. No friends. No girlfriend. And all of it, every problem, every pain, was his fault. He’d methodically decon structed his own life.
Jenn was right. He did only look one step ahead, did ignore the things that didn’t work for what he wanted. And that had cost him everything.
Worse still, he’d put the lives of others in danger. That sick fuck Victor was out there somewhere, right now, planning ways to hurt his child. He cocked his fist back and punched the steering wheel. Dammit. He’d brought the boogeyman into his own daughter’s world. The reasons didn’t matter. All that mattered was that now Cassie was in danger. If something happened to her…
Cassie. He glanced at the clock. He’d be late, but there was still time to make her soccer game. He fired up the car and headed for the highway.
What now? Go cheer on the sidelines with the other divorced dads and hope everything worked out? That Trish and her new hubby could protect his daughter if a psycho came calling?