An easy choice in a hard world. When it came to priorities, he’d only ever had one.
One of Cassie’s teammates dribbled ahead at an angle, then turned and banked it to the other forward, who fired off a straight blast, plenty of power but no artifice. The opposing goalie caught it easily, then spun and discus-hurled it down the field. As it landed, the referee blew the whistle. The first half was over.
The world seemed to be phasing in and out. Not quite wobbling, more a wet sort of zoomy feeling tied to his heartbeat. Alex wiped his palms on his jeans, suddenly aware of the texture of the fabric. All around him happy fathers talked to happy mothers. Little boys with action figures turned the bleachers into war zones. Girls Cassie’s age had cell phones out and were texting one another. The sun beat down, hotter somehow at this hour than at noon. Hundreds of voices, the sounds of scraping shoes and clicking cameras, it all blended into a whirlpool of noise, spinning and scraping past his ears, a maelstrom he couldn’t separate into individual elements.
It was time.
He closed his eyes. Took a deep breath. Then opened them, stood up, and started down the bleachers. He pictured it all in his head-going over to the sidelines and calling to Cassie. Her delight at seeing him, the puzzled trust in her eyes when he told her that they had to go, right now, yes, right now. He wondered how long it would be before Trish would notice. Five minutes? In the confusion, he might be able to count on five minutes before the questions started. The panic. The announcement over the loudspeaker, the calls to police, the appeals on the local news.
This is for her.
He hit the bottom step, dropped to the faded grass. Behind him, he heard someone say, “Did you see that goalie? What a talented girl.”
Goddamn right, he thought, and took another step before something made him freeze, literally freeze in place, one shoe arrested an inch over the ground. Something about that voice-
“She’s truly something,” the voice continued. “A child like that, you sure hope her parents are taking care of her.”
Alex put his foot down. He felt his hands start to shake, clenched them, but it only made his whole arm tremble. Slowly he turned.
Victor was splayed out across the second row, feet propped below, elbows behind. With his open suit jacket and white shirt and casual posture, he looked like a Ralph Lauren ad. He smiled. “Your daughter has a lot of talent.”
“What are you-” Alex started forward, his fists coming up. “I’m going to fucking kill you.”
Victor’s smile widened. “Be careful.” He nodded his head ever so slightly to the left. Dreading what he was going to see, knowing what he was going to see, Alex followed his gaze. One of the bodyguards from earlier was on the other side of the field. His gaze was fixed on them as he stood with his hands in his pockets.
Ten feet from the bench where Cassie and her teammates sat.
“I’m not a father myself,” Victor said. “In my line of work, kids are at best an encumbrance. And at worst”-he sucked air through his teeth-“a man with a child, he’s at the mercy of the world. Know what I mean?”
Alex stared, his teeth clenched so hard they ached.
“Man with a child, he loses his head. Gets irrational. He thinks that the fact that he would give anything to protect her is actually enough to keep her safe. But it’s not. If he really wants her to be safe, well”-Victor shrugged, looked down the field-“he remembers that he’s just a man. He sets aside his ego, and he does what’s best for her.”
“What are you talking-”
“There’s nowhere you can go that I can’t find you.”
“I wasn’t-I mean, I-”
“Yes, you were.” The voice calm and certain. “You were going to run. Which makes me wonder if I should wait till Monday. Where does this leave our arrangement? Should I just start making good on my promises to you? Can you get me what I want, or is your little girl going to be doing some very fast growing up?”
“You sick fuck, you touch her, I’ll-”
“Daddy!”
The voice came from thirty yards away, maybe more, but rang like a bell in his soul. Alex whirled, saw Cassie sprinting across the field toward him. Her hair fell in unruly braids, there was a smudge of dirt on her chin, and her jersey was grass-stained. She was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.
He opened his mouth to yell at her to stay away, to get back, and then caught himself. Victor was right. A man with a child was at the mercy of the world. He had to play cool.
She didn’t slow as she drew near, and hit him like a wave. “You came!” Her hair smelled of sweat and sunlight. “Did you see my save?”
“I did, baby. It was amazing.” He kissed the top of her head.
“It was something,” Victor said. “You’re an absolute peach.”
Cassie looked at him, then at her shoes, gone suddenly shy. “Thank you.”
“It’s Cassie, right?”
Alex glared, shook his head. “Don’t you-”
“I’m Victor. I’m a friend of your dad’s.” The man leaned off the bleachers, held out one hand. Still looking the other way, Cassie shook it formally. “I came to talk to him, but when I saw you playing I had to stay and watch.”
“Daddy, why are you shaking?”
“Huh?” Alex tore his eyes from Victor, made himself smile for his daughter. “I’m-I’m just so excited for you.”
“Well.” Victor stood, brushed the knees of his suit. “I’ll let you two be.” He winked, started away, then snapped his fingers and turned. “I almost forgot. You never answered my question. About whether we could work together?”
Alex stared at him, his lips turning up in a snarl. He thought about launching himself at Victor, tearing the guy’s throat out with his bare hands, and knew that if a lifetime in prison would be the only cost, he would have paid it gladly.
Man with a child, he loses his head. Gets irrational. He thinks that the fact that he would give anything to protect her is actually enough to keep her safe. But it’s not. If he really wants her to be safe, he remembers that he’s just a man. He sets aside his ego, and he does what’s best for her.
Victor’s words in his head. But that didn’t make them wrong. He couldn’t keep Cassie safe by wishing it so. He couldn’t keep her safe by taking her away, or by wrapping her in his arms and making promises.
But there was a way. A way to be sure. To go not around, but through. What you’re thinking, you can’t take it back.
Alex took a deep breath, then said, “We can work together.”
“Glad to hear it.”
“I’ll call Johnny soon. In the meantime,” he said, gesturing at Cassie with his eyes, “you keep your end.” Because so help me, if you so much as touch her hand again, this earth isn’t big enough for you to hide, motherfucker.
“Fair enough.” Victor smiled. “Nice to meet you, Cassie.”
“Nice to meet you, too,” she said, very properly.
Alex stared until the monster had walked away.
“Who was that, Daddy?”
“He’s… my boss’s boss.”
“He was handsome.” She turned to Alex, beamed up at him. “So I was good, huh?”
Something was eating him from the inside out. Alex smiled through it, said, “Not good, baby girl. The best.”
CHAPTER 29
IT HAD BEEN A LONG DAY.
Ian made it through by relentlessly cleaning his already spotless place. A bit after seven he took a long, long shower, hot enough to slough the skin from his shoulders. Dried off, then spent an hour getting dressed. His best suit, tie crisply Windsored, hair gelled into submission. A little cover-up for the yellowing bruise under his eye, a little cologne. When he looked in the mirror, he almost recognized his old self. Thinner and older, but filled with restless purpose. He still felt awful, but at least he had a plan.