“Always remember, so that you may never be disappointed and cheated, that the great ones are only great when compared to our smallness and that a ridiculous bias infuses us with a blind and cowardly respect towards them, which makes them look so tall in our eyes. You just try it; look them straight in the eyes, divest them of the glitter with which they surround themselves, and suddenly their halo of respect and dignity will vanish into thin air. You will instantly recognize their true value and see for yourself that all those things which you had hitherto taken for greatness and dignity turn out to be nothing but arrogance and stupidity.
There is one axiom which you should never forget: do not overlook the fact that every personal merit merely matches the importance of the authority with which one has been invested, just as much as the quality of a horse is frequently judged by the costliness of its bridle. However, if you harness an old nag to its best advantage, cover it with a beautiful saddlecloth, put it before the most beautiful and costly carriage, all the adornment and decoration in the world will not change one whit the mere fact that you still have an old nag. In a similar manner, the limited mind of His Excellency cannot grasp the idea that a repelling demeanor, a serious and stereotyped behavior, proud and imperious gestures are the only characteristics necessary to make a minister of the King. Personally I find this the typical behavior of an idiot. He may, for all I care, pretend to be as imposing as he wants, act as if he can hear the grass grow, and puff himself up with the importance of his mission, one will always be able to recognize that, despite his so-called self-control and his exertions, the cross is too weak for such a heavy burden. It will never fail; the moment he is sure that the public eye is no longer upon him, he will unload this burden upon his secretaries. And then, what do you think is going on whilst we sweat and try to decipher his dispatches, groping for appropriate answers? He is playing around with his servants, his monkeys and his dogs. He cuts silhouettes out of newspapers, warbles little songs, plays the flute, falls back into an easy chair, stretches his legs and goes to sleep. I do not want you to think that all of our Ministers cut such a miserable figure. There are some whose services are far greater than all the praises which could be heaped upon them. I knew many of the latter who combined their professional capacities with those that brought them respect and general esteem. Quite contrary to those farcical colleagues who cannot keep up with what is going on in the King's cabinet, but who are kept in high esteem by society because of their craze for amusement. In this respect they are better politicians, since the air of confidence and candor which they seem to ooze causes people to underestimate them and to forget keeping their lips buttoned.”
The secretary told me quite a few other excellent things which I am not at liberty to repeat. But since there is nothing which ultimately does not become boring, I would like to try and make my reader's mouth water. The admiration and respect which I had hitherto felt for His Excellency turned soon into disdain. Despite his generosity and his many costly presents, I would have been capable of playing any trick on him in order to regain my freedom, if it had not been for a sudden collapse of my health that gave both of us a perfect reason for a separation.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN. I RETIRE
I fell into fits of melancholy and tiredness which became dangerous stumbling blocks for the knowledge of all the Aesculapians I consulted. Every single one of them was equally as ignorant about the true suffering which had taken hold of me. Everyone had his own ideas and convinced me with his, alas so forceful, rhetoric, that I firmly believed myself to be suffering from all the ills of the world rolled into one. I eagerly accepted the pills and potions they offered me, and in a very short time my body had become a veritable apothecary. Nevertheless I kept losing weight under their very eyes and soon I was a mere shadow of my former self. I tried in vain to replace the natural freshness of my complexion, my healthy color and my normally voluptuous figure with deceiving secret cosmetics. But the rouge for my cheeks, the salves for my skin, the white powder make-up and the beauty plasters, all of them were incapable of reflecting the pretty face of Margot in my mirror. Despite thorough searching and painfully accurate studies in my looking glass-which sometimes lasted for more than two hours — I could barely find a single familiar line to remind me of the beauty I used to possess. I looked as if I had been prepared for the stage where the magic of distance makes one look desirable but where one cannot bear to be looked at from close by. The various layers of make-up which I had applied to my face gave me at a distance a certain dignity and caused my eyes to sparkle. However, upon closer scrutiny, one discovered merely a large amount of curiously applied harsh colors whose roughness insulted the eye and which made it impossible to discover any similarity with my original looks.
And while I gave in to my misery, following all the prescriptions of my doctors, dragging along in a miserable existence, I finally heard mention of a quack who had acquired the nickname of “Eye-watcher" because he insisted that he was able to diagnose the origin of every ailment by looking into the eyes. Even though I had never put trust in people who carry on their trade in secrecy, the weakness which had befallen me made me impervious to the spirit of disbelief. And since there exists nothing one cannot be talked into, I sent a messenger to “Mister Eye-watcher,” begging him to pay me a visit. I liked his physiognomy at first glance. I found myself confronted by an honest and charming face instead of one of those terrifying expressions which are so frequently worn by doctors and charlatans. He began with the request that I tell him briefly but frankly about my way of life up until my illness, as well as about the treatments I had undergone to cure myself. After that, he looked at me carefully for two or three minutes without moving or saying a single word. He then interrupted his silence with the following reassurance:
“Madame, you can consider yourself lucky that your doctors have not actually killed you. Your illness, which they do not understand one iota, is not a disease of the body but a satiation of the soul caused by the excess of voluptuous and luxuriant living. The passions are to the soul what good cookery is to the stomach. The most exquisite meals become stale and commonplace out of habit. They finally frighten us and we are no longer capable of digesting them. The over-abundance of sexual pleasures has, to put it bluntly, over-saturated your heart and deadened your sentiments. Despite the comforts of your present situation, you are no longer capable of appreciating them. Pressing apprehensions haunt you amidst your pleasures and even blissful delights have become a torture unto you. That is the entire situation. If you care to accept my advice, you would flee from the hustle and bustle of society. Use exclusively healthful and nourishing food. Go to bed on time and get up early. Give yourself some exercise, and visit people whose moods are compatible with your own. Find something to do in order to fill the emptiness of your existence. And, especially, do not take any medications! I guarantee you that within six weeks you will be as fresh and beautiful as you have ever been.” The conversation with “Mister Eye-watcher” made such a fantastic impression upon my senses that I would have thought-if I had believed in witchcraft at all — he had touched me with a magic wand. I felt as if I had awakened from a deep sleep during which I had dreamt that I was terribly ill. I was firmly convinced that “Mister Eye-watcher” had rescued me from the jaws of Death, and in a sudden outburst of gratitude and joy I embraced him fervently and upon his leaving I rewarded him with a suitable gift of twelve louis d'or.