"They could look at the corporate mascot," Javna said.
"They did, apparently," Phipps said. "It wasn't helpful. It wears boots."
"Fascinating," Javna said. "What did they decide?"
"They didn't," Phipps said. "Eventually one of the rabbis pointed out that the Torah was silent on the subject of DNA splicing, so what they were doing was just speculation. Kind of the Jewish equivalent of arguing whether how many angels could dance on the head of a pin. So the question wasn't whether the meat was from a cloven-hooved animal or not, but why they were arguing about it in the first place."
"Smart man," Javna said.
"Well," Phipps said. "He was a rabbi."
"Does this story have application to our situation," Javna said, "or are we just making lunchtime chit-chat?"
"I have an idea here, and I want you to tell me what you think of it," Phipps said. "Let's pretend we're on the same side and talk like we might want to keep our jobs longer than the end of the week. What do you say?"
"I think that's a tremendous idea," Javna said. "You first."
"Over the last couple of days you might have noticed you had some difficulty accomplishing a particular task you've been working on," Phipps said.
"Now that you mention it, yes," Javna said.
"I imagine that you'll find from here on out your difficulty will be alleviated," Phipps said. "And before you ask, let's just say that while we over at Defense believed it was in our strategic interest to have your department fail in its task, the facts on the ground have changed substantially in the last several hours."
"You mean six Nidu destroyers up and vanishing into n-space all at the same time has got your balls in a clench, too," Javna said.
"I wouldn't have put it that way, but yes," Phipps said. "Defense and State have different ideas on the desirability of staying close to our good friends the Nidu, but at this point we'd rather stay close than go toe-to-toe."
"There is the little problem that we don't know where the object of our task, as you delicately put it, is at this particular moment."
"I'll get that information for you," Phipps said. "But it's going to have to wait until after Webster's briefing tonight. There are people I need to talk to first. Projects I have to close down."
"The sooner I can get it, the happier I am," Javna said. "But I don't imagine this sudden inter-departmental cooperation comes at no cost."
"No cost," Phipps said. "Just a favor. If anyone asks, this little squabble between our departments never happened."
"Who do you imagine asking?" Javna said.
"You never know," Phipps said, between a mouthful of hot dog. "The press. A Senate committee. An independent investigator. Whoever."
"Just to be clear," Javna said. "And to avoid any comfortable euphemisms here on our nice little park bench, Defense spent the last week trying to fuck up our relationship with our closest ally—which worked, incidentally, and I have court date tomorrow morning to prove it—and to put the cherry on top, you attempted to kill a member of the State Department, who is, incidentally, a very good friend of mine. And I suspect that you would have killed an innocent woman as well if you could have gotten away with it And you want me to just forget about it."
Phipps nodded and slugged back some of his Coke. "Yeah. That's pretty much our position, Ben. Just forget about it."
"It's kind of a hard thing to forget, Dave," Javna said. "Especially with most of the Nidu battle fleet probably bearing down on us. And even if we decide to forgive and forget, someone's going to have to take the blame."
"I've got someone to blame," Phipps said. "And as an added bonus he is actually guilty."
"Nice to see the Defense Department subcontracts for attempted murder, too," Javna said.
"Look," Phipps said. "When all this is over, you and I can go in a back alley with a couple of beers and a couple of lead pipes and have it out, all right? But right now we're having a 'hang together or hang separately' moment. So if it's all the same, I'd like to stay focused on the task at hand. I'll help you find your pal and his girlfriend. In return, we all make like we're friends. Under oath, if necessary. That's how this is going to work, if it's going to work at all."
"Fine," Javna said. "But I need that information tonight. Tonight, Dave. I've got to go into court tomorrow and try to keep every treaty between Nidu and Earth for the last several decades from becoming null and void. Knowing where our lost sheep is will go a very long way in keeping that from happening."
"Deal," Phipps said, and took a final bite of his hot dog. "What's the suit about, if you don't mind me asking?"
"The Nidu claim that Robin Baker is their property because she's got their sheep DNA in her genetic makeup. I have to prove she's more human than property," Javna said. "If I win, she gets to stay a citizen of Earth. If I lose, we're all in some pretty deep shit"
"Human being or Nidu sheep," Phipps said, and chucked his napkin into a trash can. "Now, there's a case for the rabbis."
Javna, who had been about to stuff the last bit of his hot dog in his mouth, stopped. He looked at his dog for a second. "Huh," he said, and then finished off his dog.
"Huh, what?" Phipps said.
"Phipps, I want you to know I think you're one of the biggest assholes it's been my pleasure to meet in my entire government career," Javna said.
"This is what I get for buying you lunch," Phipps said, dryly. "Thanks."
"Don't mention it," Javna said. "But asshole that you may be, you've just given me an idea for my court date tomorrow. If it works, when you and I go into that back alley, I'll let you have the first swing."
"Well, then," Phipps said. "Here's hoping that it works."
"Ahhhhh," Rod Acuna said, flexing his previously broken wrist. "That's much better. How does it look, geek?" Acuna thrust his arm out at Archie; Archie flinched back involuntarily.
"It looks good," Archie said, and tried to turn back to his computer, which had been acting a bit buggy.
"It should," Acuna said, thwarting Archie's maneuver. "Quick-Heal sessions clear all of it up. Broken bones, torn tendons, even bruises and scrapes. It costs a shitload. But on the other hand, now I don't look like you."
Archie involuntarily touched the side of his face, where an ugly purple welt had formed, a souvenir from getting whacked in the face by the second group of invaders who had snuck into Fixer's shop the night before. Archie knew who gave it to him: Sam. He knew it was Sam because once he had fallen to the ground, stunned by the hit, Sam had come in close, whipped out an electric prod and whispered "sorry, love," in his ear before jabbing the prod into his abdomen and shocking him into unconsciousness. He'd only come to because Acuna kicked him the ribs to get him awake and Takk had hauled his body up the stairs.
Takk now lay on the floor of the apartment's bedroom, suffering from the digestive trauma of thowing up Fixer. The less Archie thought about that episode the better. Acuna had very nearly thrown Archie and Takk out of the van and sped off to get his wounds tended; his body had been severely abused over the last couple of days. Archie didn't know where Acuna went to get fixed up but he doubted it was a regular hospital; he imagined it was some underworld freelancer, like that Fixer character, but with a medical degree. Archie let his mind wander to speculate about an entire economy of underworld specialists and reflected that somehow, through no real fault of his own, he could probably be defined as one of them now.