The envelope with my name on it contained a letter that Isabella had written to me during her final days, which she’d made her husband swear he would send to me if he ever discovered my whereabouts.
Dear David,
Sometimes I think I began to write this letter to you years ago and still haven’t been capable of finishing it. A lot of time has passed since I last saw you and a lot of terrible, miserable things have happened, and yet not a day goes by when I don’t think of you and wonder where you are, whether you have found peace, whether you are writing, whether you’ve become a grumpy old man, whether you’re in love or whether you still remember us, the small bookshop of Sempere & Sons, and the worst assistant you ever had.
I’m afraid you left without teaching me how to write and I don’t even know where to begin to put into words all the things I would like to say to you. I would like you to know that I have been happy, that thanks to you I found a man whom I’ve loved and who has loved me. Together we’ve had a child, Daniel. I always talk to him about you and he has given my life a meaning that all the books in the world wouldn’t be able to explain.
Nobody knows this, but sometimes I still go back to that dock where I saw you leave and I sit there a while, alone, waiting, as if I believe that some day you’ll return. If you do, you will see that despite all the things that have happened the bookshop is still there, the plot of land on which the tower house once stood is still empty and all the lies that were said about you have been forgotten. So many people in these streets have blood on their souls that they no longer dare to remember, and when they do they lie to themselves because they cannot look at their own reflection in the mirror. In the bookshop we still sell your books, but under the counter, because they have been declared immoral. This country is filled with more people who are intent on destroying and burning books than with those who want to read them. These are bad times and I often think that there are worse times to come.
My husband and the doctors think they are fooling me, but I know that I have little time left. I know I will die soon and that by the time you receive this letter I will no longer be here. That is why I wanted to write to you, because I wanted you to know that I’m not afraid, that my only sorrow is that I’ll leave behind a good man who has given me his life, and my Daniel, alone in a world that every day seems to me more as you said it was and not as I wanted to believe it could be.
I wanted to write to you so that you know that despite everything I have experienced, I’m grateful for the time I have spent here, grateful for having met you and for having been your friend. I wanted to write to you because I’d like you to remember me and, one day, if you have someone as I have my little Daniel, I’d like you to talk to that someone about me and, through your words, make me live forever.
From one who loves you,
ISABELLA
Two days after I received that letter I realised I was not alone on the beach. I felt his presence in the first breath of dawn but I would not, and could not, flee again. It happened one afternoon after I sat down to write by the window, while I waited for the sun to sink into the horizon. I heard the footsteps on the wooden planks of the jetty and I saw him.
The boss, dressed in white, was walking down the jetty, holding the hand of a girl of about seven or eight years old. I recognised the image instantly, the old photograph Cristina had always treasured without knowing where it came from. The boss reached the end of the jetty and knelt down beside the girl. Together they watched the sun spill over the ocean in an endless sheet of molten gold. I stepped out of the hut and walked along the wooden gangway. When I reached the end, the boss turned and smiled at me. There was no threat or resentment on his face, only a hint of melancholy.
‘I’ve missed you, dear friend,’ he said. ‘I’ve missed our conversations, even our small arguments…’
‘Have you come to settle a score?’
The boss smiled and shook his head.
‘We all make mistakes, Martín. I was the first. I stole what you loved the most. I didn’t do it to hurt you. I did it out of fear. Out of fear that she might drive you away from me, from our work. I was wrong. I’ve taken a long time to admit it, but if there is anything I do have, it is time.’
I observed him carefully. The boss, like me, had not grown a day older.
‘Why have you come here, then?’
The boss shrugged his shoulders.
‘I came to say goodbye.’
His eyes concentrated on the girl whose hand he was holding and who was looking at me curiously.
‘What’s your name?’ I asked.
‘Her name’s Cristina,’ said the boss.
I looked into her eyes and she nodded. I felt my blood freeze. I could only guess at the features, but the look was unmistakable.
‘Cristina, say hello to my friend David. From now on you’re going to live with him.’
I exchanged glances with the boss but didn’t say a word. The girl stretched out her hand to me, as if she had practised that movement a thousand times, and then laughed in embarrassment. I leaned down towards her and shook it.
‘Hello,’ she said in a quiet voice.
‘Very good, Cristina,’ said the boss approvingly. ‘And what else?’
The girl looked as if she’d suddenly remembered something.
‘I was told you’re a maker of stories and fairy tales.’
‘One of the best,’ the boss added.
‘Will you make one for me?’
I hesitated a few seconds. The girl looked anxiously at the boss.
‘Martín?’ the boss whispered.
‘Of course,’ I said at last. ‘I’ll make you as many stories as you want.’
The girl smiled and, drawing closer to me, kissed me on the cheek.
‘Cristina, why don’t you go down to the beach and wait there while I say goodbye to my friend?’ the boss asked.
Cristina nodded and walked away, looking back and smiling with every step. Next to me, the boss’s voice sweetly whispered his eternal curse.
‘I’ve decided to give you back what you loved the most, what I stole from you. I’ve decided that for once you will walk in my shoes and will feel what I feel – you won’t age a single day and you will see Cristina grow; you will fall in love with her again and one day you will see her die in your arms. That is my blessing, and my revenge.’
I closed my eyes, saying no to myself.
‘That is impossible. She will never be the same person.’
‘That will depend on you, Martín. I’m giving you a blank sheet. This story no longer belongs to me.’
I heard his steps fade away, and when I opened my eyes the boss was no longer there. At the foot of the jetty, Cristina was looking at me intently. I smiled at her and she hesitated, then came over.
‘Where’s the gentleman?’ she asked.
‘He’s gone.’
Cristina looked around her, at the endless, deserted beach.
‘Forever?’
‘Forever.’
She smiled and sat down beside me.
‘I dreamed that we were friends,’ she said.
I looked at her and nodded.
‘And we are friends. We always have been.’
She laughed and took my hand. I pointed in front of us, at the sun dipping into the sea, and Cristina watched it with tears in her eyes.
‘Will I remember one day?’
‘One day.’
I knew then that I would devote every minute we had left together to making her happy, to repairing the pain I had caused her and returning to her what I had never known how to give her. These pages will be our memory until she draws her last breath in my arms and I take her with me to the open sea, where the deep currents flow, to sink with her forever, and escape at last to a place where neither heaven nor hell will ever be able to find us.
Carlos Ruiz Zafón
