Leon searches for the words, but they don’t appear in his acid-addled brain. The giant red demon with the three massive swinging cocks is the fucking Devil, and Leon is just a peep show mop up boy. He doesn’t even have his mop bucket. If he ever goes back for it, he’ll kill that shithead Jerome for frying his brain.
“Leon,” Bud screams between quick bursts of automatic rifle fire. “Get your fucking head in the game!”
Leon snaps to and swings his battleaxe at the closest demon. He chases another one a few feet and cleanly cleaves one of its heads from its shoulders. The other head turns as if to complain, so Leon hacks that head off as well. Demon gore splatters his face, and the demon-killing fury he felt when he chopped Father Maniwhore to pieces returns tenfold.
His eyes dilate and he screams, “Fuck rag demon douche gang bang!”
“Thataboy!” Bud cries out. He slams another magazine home and pops off a few more rounds.
A hooded rider on horseback and several zombies in desert camouflage run straight for Leon and his companion. He opens his mouth to ask Leon if he knows the hooded rider behind them. The man under the cowl reaches into the folds of his robe and pulls out a small crossbow.
Bud manages to squeak, “Leon,” as a hypodermic needle flies from the crossbow and sticks into Leon’s back.
The ice cream truck falls toward the giant glory hole box at an alarming rate. A we are gonna smash right the fuck into that thing rate. Chuzz pulls the microphone back and stops the truck a few inches from the top of the dancing abomination. Chuzz peers over the front of the truck and gets a look at Satan with his giant erect cocks. Then his eyes are pulled down to the glory hole box, and he feels very dizzy.
“I am getting out of this piece of shit!” Edwina yells from the back. The door bangs open, and sunlight pours in from the rear.
Phil grins up at Chuzz and shows him the heroin kit he wants so badly. His mouth hangs open, tongue lolling out. His eyes are filled with need.
“Not now, Phil!”
The monkey flips him off, then shits in the corner of the truck.
“Oh real mature.”
“’Ee’s an animal. What do you expect?” Goatboy asks.
“Not that!”
The truck swings around slowly, or maybe it is the box under the truck. Chuzz wants to get away, but the vehicle tilts back and smashes into the top of the enormous glory hole demon with a mighty clang that will surely draw the big demon’s eyes straight to them. Chuzz doesn’t want that thing to get a look at him or his ride. He picks up the microphone and prepares to make a jump for it. He may be at the Apocalypse, but this was not what he had in mind for stopping it.
Before he can hit the button, the girl dives out of the open doors. She lands on top of the giant glory hole, rolls out of an awesome somersault, and comes to her feet. She looks around and then the door slams shut.
“Should we go ’elp ’er?” Goatboy takes a couple of steps toward the door.
“Help her do WHAT? Look at that thing!”
“Those things, you mean. Look at the size of those bangers. Bloody huge! ’Ee’d make a sperm whale scared to bend over.”
“Maybe she has a plan…”
Edwina has no plan. She hits the giant box hard and comes out of her forward roll with guns drawn. The massive red demon looms on one side, and when she peeks over the other, all she sees is all manner of shapes and figures running about in the sand. A crazy guy on a horse is waving a twig around portentously.
There is an army of demons pouring out of the earth. Hundreds of the things pull free of big holes and run in every direction. They don’t seem to have any leadership, which Edwina knows is a bad way to run any military outfit. Troops need direction; they need a leader. Those stilettos were, until recently, filled by Marcel. What she wouldn’t do to have the tall woman here right now to help guide her.
But she is all alone, and there is a giant red man with three giant red dicks. He towers over the desert, playing with his cocks, shaking them loose or getting them ready for something.
The box pulses beneath her, and suddenly she understands what is about to happen.
“Not today, you giant red box fucker!” she yells.
The guns come up, and she fires at the Devil, but the shots don’t even faze him. She empties two clips, and he doesn’t flinch. Now how in the hell is she going to take him down?
This guy has to be the leader. He has to be! He is somehow responsible for killing Darla, and she wants to eradicate him from the Earth. She wants to stand over his body and piss on it. She wants to remove his head and mount it on one of his cocks. That may be problematic, however, since he is so fucking big.
She pulls the stupid toy off her back. She knows just how ridiculous it looks, but she strapped it there as she prepared for battle anyway. The guy in the ice cream truck managed to kill a demon, and he swore it was the toy. She looks over the plastic thing with its strange images. Something rattles and bounces around inside it when she shakes it.
The giant red Devil guy takes a step toward the box and sees her for the first time.
“Well howdy fucking do. Do you know who I am and what I am about to do to that thing you are standing on?”
“Nope. Don’t care.”
“I am Beelzebub. The Devil. Satan himself. Nicetameetcha. So what is a pretty lady like you doing on my fuck box and not stuffed in my ass where you belong?”
“Just passing through, thought I’d stop by and kill you first,” Edwina says, breathing deep to slow her pounding heart. It is thumping away like a logger on speed working over a tree.
“Hah!” Satan roars and reaches for her.
She flips the handle down while pointing the face at him. The dial rolls around and stops on a pig shape. With a squeak, a little two assed piglet appears, runs around in circles and falls off the edge of the box. There is a massive explosion from below.
“Shit!”
“Nice toy. Is that thing supposed to scare me, you stupid little twat?” Satan asks in his rumbling voice that sounds like a volcano throwing up.
She hits the lever again, and the dial spins. This time it lands on a picture of a demon pissing into another demon’s mouth. A foul spray of liquid shoots out of the center and is snatched away by the burning desert heat.
“What do you call that? It smells like a whore. If I wanted that stuff on me, I’d rub your cunt all over my face. Now get in my ass!” Satan howls as he reaches for Edwina.
“Get back in!” Goatboy has opened the door and is leaning out of it, gesturing with one hoof.
She dives under Satan’s sweeping hand as it clips the top of the ice cream truck. Goatboy peers out from the doorway, now down on all fours, front feet outstretched to stop him from flying out of the door. Phil bounces up and down until the truck stops shaking.
Chuzz even pokes his head out. His eyes go wide as he meets Edwina’s. He looks like he is about to jump out of his skin. He holds the microphone up, but his hands tremble so much that he drops it. The mike clatters across the floor of the truck and rolls out onto the top of the glory hole demon. The truck, upon losing contact with the toy, bounces a few inches into the air and then smashes into the metal box.
“Ah fuck!” Chuzz yells as he dives for the microphone.
“Ah fuck!” Edwina echoes as she dives out of the way of Satan’s big sweeping hand.
“Come here, my lovelies!” Satan roars.
“Hit the one with the fucking demons!” Chuzz calls to her.
“They are all fucking demons!” she yells back. She wants to run over and kick him right in the balls. Asshole.
“No! The demons that are fucking each other!” he yells and crawls along the edge of the giant moving box, presumably to get whatever he dropped.