From another source, he had heard a whisper that I had been to the poison school set up by Nero after the death of Britannicus, and had been a willing and able pupil there. Another rumour said I was Nero’s mistress and that he was planning to marry me when I fell pregnant.
Nobody mentioned that I had been a pupil of Seneca’s, but that’s because so few people knew about Seneca’s spy network, and not even those who belonged to it knew the identities of their fellows. And nobody else in the world was privy to Seneca’s private code, which I had used when I summoned Pantera here.
So that was our first meeting.
I tried to read his face: puzzlement, curiosity, hope, discovery, anger… all were there, but it was the sense of a watching intellect that was arresting, and brought to mind what I had been told of him.
He is wounded, but he is still the Leopard, still dangerous. His eyes look through you, until they don’t. That’s when he’ll kill you.
Seneca used to say that to anyone who would listen and Pantera never took the time to contradict him. So I watched his eyes, watching mine, and I waited.
We both waited. Seneca taught all his students not to speak too early in any conversation, to let the other party make careless admissions on first greeting. Evidently, we had both been good students: the silence hugged us, gathering the scents of willow and running water, the sounds of birdsong; it did not break.
When it was clear that I must move first, I drew from my sleeve the scroll I had secreted there. It was sealed with undyed beeswax on which was pressed Seneca’s mark of the counting stick. I laid it on the farthest edge of the small cherrywood table that was the room’s only furniture, next to a lit candle in a plain silver stick.
I said, ‘He wrote this for you on the day he died.’
Naturally, Pantera expected it: why else would he have been called to Rome, to this house, at this time, if not to hear his mentor’s last request? But he opened the letter slowly, not sure, I think, that he was ready to read such a thing in my presence.
His relationship with Seneca had been complex, and although I believe the greatest rift had been healed soon after he returned from Britain, there must have been a lot that had never been spoken.
I watched him scan the first lines.
From Seneca to the son of his soul, with love, greeting s…
And so there it was, in black and white, the son of his soul. Pantera glanced up, wondering if I had read it, but I, of course, was looking out of the window at the stream, not at him.
I could hear his thoughts in my head as if he breathed them in my ear: I never loved him as he wanted, and hated him for wanting it. But he was Seneca; how could you truly hate him?
He didn’t speak aloud, just read on.
The handwriting was even and steady and unmistakably Seneca’s. Nobody, reading it, would have known that it was written in the maw of death; a final, dying plea. Two final pleas, actually.
I ask you to honour this woman as you honoured me.
It’s obvious now, of course, but it wasn’t then. Pantera was being asked to give to me the same loyalty he gave Seneca, to accept me as the new spymaster. Her name will be the Poet.
Seneca had been known to all of us as the Teacher and that name died with him. I chose the name Poet for myself and do not think it any more arrogant than his.
But for Pantera?
A woman, this woman: me. Not him. Spymaster.
Owner, commander, caregiver to the entire Senecan network.
He raised his head. I was trapped by his gaze. His eyes look through you, until they don’t…
Outside, small birds tussled over a nest. I wrested my gaze from his. I said, ‘He presumes much.’ I didn’t ask if it was too much.
Pantera laid the scroll down on the table, and placed his palms flat beside it. ‘He wanted to believe himself loved,’ he said. ‘And if not loved, then hated.’
If I had misunderstood him then, I have no doubt that Pantera would have left, and there was every chance that he would have taken the network with him. I knew he had planned for this moment and that he could have done it. Whether he would have destroyed it or run it for his own ends was a different question; I’m not certain even he knew the answer.
Uncertainty lit the air between us.
I said, ‘We all want that, don’t we? Not to be ignored? Not to be so insignificant that we are not even worth hating?’ I smoothed my stola and let him see that I carried a knife at my girdle, although in truth he had already seen it.
It’s not as if I expected him to be afraid. Or unarmed. But I wanted him to understand the same of me: that I was not afraid, nor unarmed; a match for all he had become.
I said, ‘It’s hard not to hate the man who uses you and would throw your life away on an instant did it suit his ends.’
‘Will you do the same?’ Pantera asked: will, not would. He was halfway to a decision.
‘Of course.’ I smiled, but it felt tight, and not convincing. I had worked for years to bring us to this point, and everything balanced on the blade’s edge. Control was all, for both of us. ‘You would do the same if Seneca had named you, not me. And you’d hate yourself for it daily, as he did and I will.’
Looking out of a window, I bit the edge of my thumb, carelessly. I was in profile, then, with the sun behind, and there are few spring fabrics that are not at least a little translucent.
I heard the catch in his breath; he was not one to be snared, only to be reminded that snaring was possible.
When I looked back, he had dropped his eyes and was reading the letter again, where were only a dead man’s words.
From Seneca to the son of his soul… He did say something like that once; I heard him.
I said, ‘He told me that you’d be hardest. But also that I could not succeed without you. I would like to suggest that we forget any loyalty either of us might have had to our late teacher. As the new spymaster, I will ask only that you keep what promises you give. And if you can keep none, nor wish to make any, that you say so and leave. Now.’
‘Did he tell you that I had sworn never to give my oath to Rome?’
‘He did. He said that you had told him once that you would give the oath of your tongue, but never the oath of your heart. But he also said that you had changed since then, that there were things that mattered to you more than the sum of your dead. He said he hoped you knew that.’ All this is true, I swear it now, by your gods and mine.
Pantera said nothing. He had reached the letter’s second request. If anything, it was more momentous; certainly more dangerous.
If I am dead, then Nero still lives: I made him and I would have destroyed him, but I have failed in that and you are left to repair the damage I have wrought. Find a man of worth and substance: find a match for Caesar — the Caesar, Gaius Julius — and put him on the throne. Somebody has to.
Corbulo.
A victorious general, beloved of his legions; a man who could easily have become the new Caesar.
His name was not written on the page, but leapt from it none the less. None of us was going to write it down; it would have been a death sentence for the empire’s best hope if it had been found. Even so much as was written had the potential to end all our lives.
Nothing in this room was there by accident, certainly not a lit candle in the good morning light. Pantera leaned over and tilted the letter to the flame’s bright tip. The paper was Egyptian, thin and costly. It crisped and curled into smoke.
He held it until his fingers were scorched, then, dropping the last corner, said, ‘I have to go east; there is a man in Caesarea whom I must kill. Afterwards, if I am alive, we will talk about what oaths I can and cannot give.’