“Mari,” Alain said with a visibly surprised look, “the reasons Mage Asha gives for my elders moving against me are in part the same reasons your professor gave for your Guild’s hostility to you. There also we see similarities.”
“You’re right.” Mari sat back, trying to think. “Do you remember one of the first things we talked about after we met? How your elders and my Senior Mechanics seemed to have a lot in common? I wonder if every group of managers who becomes used to being in charge, who is dedicated to nothing more than keeping things the same and themselves in power, ends up acting in the same ways even if they use different justifications? They don’t want anyone questioning their decisions or their authority.” Something else occurred to her then. “Questions. Asha, you must have asked a lot of questions to find out all of this. You took some serious risks.”
“I have attracted the attention and disapproval of the elders,” Asha said, the lack of feeling in her voice providing no clue as to how she felt about that. “However, I have attracted such attention and disapproval before.”
“You have?”
Alain gestured toward Asha. “I have told you, Mari, that Mage Asha could never appear other than attractive.”
Mari stared at Asha. “You actually got in trouble because you were beautiful? Seriously?”
“My appearance,” Asha said, “must surely be my fault, must surely reveal a lack of wisdom.”
“What were you supposed to do about it?”
Asha’s shoulders twitched very slightly in what might have been a Mage shrug. “I could have shorn my hair, scarred and damaged my skin, broken things to make them heal in misshapen ways—”
“No!” Mari burst out, horrified. “That would be so wrong. Hurting yourself that way? Maiming yourself? Please don’t ever do that.”
Asha gazed at Mari for a long moment before replying. “I have been hurt before, Mari. It is nothing. But to harm my features would have served no purpose. To strike at my appearance would have been proof that I took note of it, and would have condemned me in the eyes of the elders just as much as how I look now.”
“No matter what you did, you’d be wrong?” Mari asked. “You know, back when Alain and I first met, I was really surprised that a Mage and I could have something in common. Now I’m learning that a female Mage and I have something in common, too. I’m glad you never hurt yourself. I’m sorry I freaked out earlier. I know I’m a little weird at times and I’m sorry. I just…” Mari hesitated, her voice sinking to a whisper. “I love you so much, Alain. I don’t want you to be hurt. Especially not because of me. And sometimes thinking about that makes it hard to handle everything else. I’ve got a world to save, but it wouldn’t mean anything if I lost you.”
“It must be difficult to see others as real instead of as shadows,” Asha said.
“It is difficult,” Alain agreed. “There is much pain to be found in such seeing. But there is also much joy.”
“Joy?”
“You will know it when you feel it,” he assured her. “I begin to suspect that none are shadows, but all are real for good or ill.”
Asha nodded, her eyes intent. “I will think on this, and look upon the shadows who cross my path. Do your powers diminish yet, Mage Alain?”
“My powers grow, Mage Asha, even as my love for Mari grows.”
Mari felt her face getting warmer again, but this time her blush came along with a smile.
“Your powers do not just remain as they were? They still grow?” Asha’s astonishment was clear to Mari.
“There is no doubt. I was able to test them in Marandur, and was forced to use them there to a greater extent than ever before. I am more powerful now.”
“Then you do learn a different wisdom, and perhaps a better one as well, Mage Alain. Perhaps the elders were right to fear you.” Asha looked around. “It is not safe that I stay here. The Guild Hall will expect me back to help watch the gates for your departure, Alain. If I can, I will tell you when it is safe to leave this city.”
Mari leaned forward, touching Asha again on the hand, pleased and surprised when Asha did not recoil. “You don’t have to keep risking yourself for us.”
“Is that not what a friend does?”
“Yes.” Mari smiled. “And you are a friend. But friends also worry, and hope that their own friends are safe. Please be careful, Asha.”
“Please?”
“It means I’m asking you if you’ll do something, not telling you.”
“I see. Please. I will remember this word, but not use it around Mages.” Asha stood up, bringing her hood up around her head, then turned to go without another word.
Mari waited until she had left, then rose and locked the door again. “You could have said goodbye, Alain.”
“It did not occur to me when speaking with another Mage,” Alain admitted.
“Then next time I’ll remind you. Did Asha really suffer a lot more from the elders because she’s beautiful?”
“She did,” Alain said, his eyes once more getting the distant gaze of someone looking into their memories. “Asha was often berated as an acolyte for being too attractive. Some thought that meant she was too closely tied to the false world of appearances. This caused her distress, which was reason for more attacks on her by the elders for showing emotion. I know that as an acolyte Asha considered her appearance a true burden, and it was.”
“But you helped her at least once, right?”
“Only once,” Alain said. “The punishment was severe enough to dissuade me from trying any further, and I could see in Asha that she would avoid being helped again so as to protect me from more such punishment.” He paused, dredging up a memory. “I remember that once Asha did speak of changing her appearance. An elder spoke with her, and later that same elder told us that any attempt to damage Asha’s appearance would show a greater flaw than her beauty.”
“An elder convinced her not to mutilate herself?”
“Yes.” Alain shook his head. “Did that elder act out of kindness? I had never suspected such before, but today I wonder.”
Mari stared out the grimy window of their room. “I guess even the Mage Guild has some elders who care about people.”
“Perhaps. One elder I spoke with in Dorcastle cared about me, the one who told me what my vision meant, and that you were the daughter. She cautioned me to tell no one else and to protect you. How many Mages have kept hidden the feelings they were supposed to have forgotten? I had thought myself alone in that, but there may be many Mages who have remained silent, who keep their feelings concealed, but who would welcome a different path.” Alain gave an impression of subdued distress. “The wisdom the Mage Guild now teaches requires a very difficult path, one with much hardship.”
“Alain, I’ve seen the marks it left on you. It must have been horrible.”
“It was what it was,” Alain replied in a low voice. “Acolytes learned to deal with it. We had no choice.”
“I couldn’t have done it.”
He gave her his most serious look. “Yes, you could have. But I am glad that you did not have to endure what Mage Asha and I did.”
Mari looked out the window again. “As hard as things are, I guess we can be thankful that they weren’t worse. We’ve made it this far, and even though I feel at times like it’s us against the world, we’ve got friends like Asha. Oh, stars above, I forgot that I went out for food. You’re probably really hungry. Let’s get something to eat from what I bought in the market and pack up the rest just in case we have to leave in a hurry.”
Their involuntary day in Palandur drew to a slow close, Mari watching the shadows shift as the sun fell lower in the sky. By the time the sun set, she was restless and nervous. “Hopefully, the way will be clear to escape this city-sized trap in the morning. Maybe the Mages will give up quickly.”