Nila felt her insides shift uncomfortably. How could anyone keep this up for any length of time? The mere thought of it made her want to vomit.
“You remember how much you hated Lord Vetas?”
Nila nearly lost her grasp of the Else. She didn’t trust herself to answer.
“You remember how he made you feel so helpless?” Bo whispered. “Take all that hate and anger and ball it up and put it away. Don’t chew on it – that just makes you bitter. Put it aside and use it as a reminder of why you never want to be helpless again. Take your weakness and make it your strength. You’ll be a powerful Privileged, Nila. Stronger than anyone I’ve known. Stronger than me. But you have to work for it.”
Nila almost lost her focus again as she bit off a laugh. Powerful? Stronger than Bo? That seemed ridiculous. “How strong are you?”
“Reasonably so. I have my weaknesses, but I make up for them with cunning.”
“That doesn’t seem honest.”
“Lying and cheating are all fair game when your life is on the line. And it always is, in a royal cabal. I might have been cabal head someday. Especially after I learned a number of… secrets.”
“What kind of secrets?”
“Ancient sorcery. Like folding the Else upon itself so that other Privileged or Knacked can’t see me.”
“Who taught you that?”
There was amusement in his voice. “A very old woman. She taught me a lot of things that she probably shouldn’t have. It came back to bite her in the end.” Bo paused. “There’s something else you should know about being a Privileged.”
“Just one thing?”
“This is rather… personal.”
Nila’s heart skipped a beat. She had wondered when this would come up. “Oh?” She kept her third eye on the dark area north of the Adran camp, watching for anything that could be movement, and said a prayer of thanks that Bo couldn’t see her cheeks turning red.
“You’ll have urges.”
“What kinds of urges?” It was a stupid question. She knew exactly what he meant.
Bo went on in a purely businesslike tone. “You’re going to want to take everyone to bed. Constant contact with the Else makes a Privileged like a stag in rut. It affects both men and women, although women have a tendency to control it better.”
“And if I don’t?”
“You will.”
“Do you have any water?”
“Here.” Bo put a canteen in her hands. “Drop your third eye. You don’t want to pass out.”
Nila realized that her whole body was shaking from the effort of looking into the Else. She closed her third eye and took the canteen gratefully. When she finished drinking, she turned to Bo. “Have you had many women?”
“A few.”
“I’ve heard stories about Privileged…”
“Most of them are probably true.” A pause. She could feel him watching her. “Nila, if I catch a spy tonight or the night after, I’ll have to torture him.”
She felt relief at the change of subject, but only for a moment. “Do you have to?”
“I need information.”
“You can’t just magic the truth from him?”
“I wish that were the case.”
“There is no other choice?”
“I’m not a good person. No Privileged is.”
Nila didn’t like the implication. “I’m supposed to become a Privileged.”
“You are a Privileged. Even if you’ve only just begun your training.”
“And I have to do horrid things to survive in this world?”
“You already have. And you will again.”
She remembered the sticky feeling of the blood between her fingers, and the way that assassin’s skull had melted beneath her hand as easily as warm wax. “That’s the second time in as many minutes you’ve told me what I’ll end up doing. Do you know me so well, Privileged Borbador?”
She felt the feather touch of Bo’s gloved fingers on her cheek and then he pulled away.
They sat in silence for some time, listening to the wind rush across the open field. Somewhere nearby an owl hooted in the darkness. Bo stood up suddenly and removed his jacket, putting it over Nila’s shoulders.
“I’m fine,” she said.
“I can hear your teeth chattering.”
She could see the white of his Privileged gloves standing out against the black of the night as he walked down the hill. Struggling against the nausea, she opened her third eye. Was he touching the Else?
The color of his body in the Else nearly overwhelmed her with its brightness. He spread his arms and she waited to see something more, but he just stood there, his face in the wind.
“Bo!” she hissed.
He came back up the hill toward her. “Hmm?”
“I saw it! A movement.”
“Where?”
“To the southeast. Moving along the dip between hills. At least, I thought I saw it. Maybe–”
“No.” Bo’s voice was grim, and she heard him crack his knuckles. “I saw it too. Stay here.”
He headed off in the direction where she’d seen the ever-so-soft glow in the Else, striding with the confidence of a man in daylight despite the darkness. She took a few nervous breaths, feeling even more alone in the windy darkness. She looked toward the Adran camp, watching the distant embers of their fires, and wished once more she were in the safety and warmth of her own bedroll.
Bo would say that there was no place safe for a Privileged.
Had he told her to stay behind to spare her the horrors of watching him torture some poor soul? Or because he thought she was weak?
Perhaps both.
She was a Privileged, he’d told her. She couldn’t afford to be weak to survive in this world. With the power of sorcery came the expectations of others. People would expect her to use her powers – for king or country or wealth. People would try to use her. She wondered if her own power would give her hungers. Not just the sexual urgings Bo had spoken of but the hunger for riches, servants, and authority.
The fear of it niggled at her. What could she do? Flee to some distant land and hope that no one ever noticed her? Or learn to control her sorcery, embrace the power it brought her? She didn’t want to be an evil person, yet Bo spoke of Privileged as if they had no choice. She felt as if there were a war inside of her already and that it would determine the kind of person she would be.
Bo, she realized, was in the throes of that very same war.
Nila climbed to her feet. Bo was cresting the next hill, moving farther away. She opened her third eye but could no longer spot the moving shadow of light in the Else. Bo was hidden as well, veiled in whatever trick he’d spoken of earlier.
She closed her third eye and stumbled after him, feeling her way in the dark.
She caught up to him a quarter of a mile and a twisted ankle later, limping up to where he crouched in the long grass. She could feel the intensity as he stared into the darkness like a cave lion stalking its prey. Without turning his head, he whispered, “What is it?”
“I should stay with you.”
A hesitation. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Whoever he is, he’s coming right at us. Don’t touch the Else – I’m going to trip him with earth and bind him with air, but my sorcery will be obscured from any Knacked that might be watching. You don’t know how to do any of that, so stay here until I have him.”
Nila hunkered down next to Bo, her knees wet from the grass. From the way Bo was facing, she guessed that the spy was traveling in the gully between two hills. She couldn’t see a thing, however, and waited for Bo to make his move.
She didn’t have to wait long. His arms suddenly came up, two shadows in the night, and she thought she saw a spark when his fingers danced. There was a cry in the gully beneath them that was cut dramatically short, and Bo leapt to his feet. “Come on!” They stumbled down the hill and Bo threw himself forward. “Hold still, damn it. You’re not going anywhere.” Several muffled grunts followed and then the area was suddenly lit by the beam of a dull light not unlike a bull’s-eye lantern. It originated from Bo’s shoulder and revealed Bo struggling with a small figure.