He returned to the sitting area, sank onto the sofa, pressed a thumb and forefinger between his eyes as he strained to remember. To wean himself off the meds and deconstruct the dream without relying on the blue tablets.
He'd lain down, remained awake for several hours. Then he'd prepared the coffee and sat on the balcony to enjoy the rose garden… and suddenly he was racing in the African jungle as if jackals were after him. And then Olivia appeared, attempted to save him, was injured.
Damn, he didn't think the dream was about the case at all.
"Jack, what are you doing sitting in the dark?"
Almost as though his thoughts had conjured her, Olivia entered through the connecting door and pressed the button for the lamp by the sofa. Soft light flooded the room. Jack blinked twice as his sensitive eyes shrank from the glare. The last thing he wanted was for Olivia to see the transformations, however subtle. "Turn off the light," he growled.
"But it's not brigh – "
"Goddamn it, turn it off!"
Olivia quickly turned down the dimmer.
Feverish and wracked with a bizarre kind of pain, he hunched on the sofa and tried to control the Change. It was useless. It was coming on without the red pills.
Avoiding Olivia's eyes, he sniffed like a predator scenting its quarry. His muscles twitched with the urge to pounce, to hunt, to mate. With superhuman strength, he searched for the slender thread of humanity he prayed was still there and clung to it for dear life.
In the near darkness Olivia watched Jack hulk like a wounded animal, his back toward her. The soft glow from the moon barely reached the table in front of the sofa. She walked determinedly forward, her hands groping like a blind person. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing." The voice didn't sound at all like Jack.
"You can't fool me. I know you too well. Something's wrong."
He barked out a bitter laugh. "If you know what's best, you'll leave me alone."
Eyes adjusting, she advanced further, knelt in front of him, and placed her hands on his thighs. Although she couldn't see his face, she sensed the difference in him. Heat emanated from his body, hot and dry through the clothes beneath her fingers.
She snatched back her hand. "You're burning up with fever!"
"Go away," he snarled. "Leave." When she hesitated, he roared, "Now, for Christ's sake!"
"You're crazy if you think I'm leaving you alone like this." When he didn't answer, she reached for the phone. "All right, I'm calling a doctor."
"No!" He grabbed her wrist, jerking it hard. There'd be an ugly bruise tomorrow, she thought. Uneasiness fluttered in her chest.
"Okay, okay," he conceded. "I… I'll take some aspirin and lie down. It's just a flu bug."
She looked at him dubiously, but marched to her room, retrieved aspirin, and returned with a glass of water. Jack swallowed the pills, his face hidden in the shadows.
"You're frightening me, Jack. What's wrong with you?"
"I'll be fine," he mumbled, and as if to prove it, he stumbled toward the bed, stripped off his sweats, and lay down on top of the covers.
She saw only a distinct outline of his form, the shadows of chest and groin, but enough to know he was naked. The not-so-subtle hint meant he'd already withdrawn. Anything she said now would fall on deaf ears. Since his arrival, she'd seen Jack shut down like this – the hooded eyes, the step backwards even when no movement took place as he erected an impenetrable wall between them.
A moment later she closed the door between their rooms.
Jack stretched out on the bed, his arms and legs flung wide. The crisp chill of the room whirled around his burning body. The aspirin began to reduce the heat, but it couldn't slow down his adrenaline. Close. He sensed how close he'd come to harming her. Lust and desire, rage and energy set his nerves thrumming like crazed violins. Skewed his moral center and strangled clear thinking.
What was happening to him? His preternatural powers were out of whack. What had started as a small blip after Africa had gone wild since he'd been around Olivia. Like something stronger, more vicious – more immediate – had been unleashed. Years ago he'd promised to protect Livvie from her stepfather. He'd kept that promise, but at a price she'd never known, couldn't begin to guess. Now he'd put her in danger again.
Relenting, he stumbled to the closet, retrieved his duffle bag, and removed the packet of Phens. He popped several into his mouth, hoping they'd control whatever darkness struggled to get out of him. He added two blue tablets and lay down to wait for their magic to work.
An hour later his body temp had returned to normal, his heart rate steadied, and his respiration slowed. But the sound of Olivia's frightened voice still rang in his mind. He stifled an invective, pulled on the sweats, and opened the connecting door between their rooms. She hadn't locked it against him. What did that mean?
Olivia sat on her bed, vacillated between going to Jack again and locking the connecting door between their rooms. She stared at it, trying to imagine what was happening on the other side, trying to process the events of the last several hours. Whoever – whatever – was in the other room wasn't the Jack she knew. Didn't sound like him, didn't look like him. She let out a shudder and pulled the spread over her bare legs.
Suddenly, she froze, hearing the faint scratching from the other side of the wooden barrier. She waited. Silence.
More scratching and then Jack's voice. "Livvie, I'm sorry."
He sounded normal, didn't he? Olivia didn't trust her own ears. Was she fooling herself because she wanted him to be okay? Wanted to fling open the door, wanted to hold him, just hold him tight.
"Livvie, are you awake? Are you all right?"
Her mouth was a swollen tongue wrapped in cotton. She wet her lips to speak, but the words stuck in her throat. The door swung slowly open.
She eyed Jack cautiously as he stood endless moments in the door frame. A line of downy fur ran from the middle of his chest to disappear beneath low slung gray sweats. He gripped either side of the door jamb as if he held himself there by sheer will. She shivered and waited, fists clutched tightly at her thighs. Her breathing stuttered erratically and a wave of lightheadedness enveloped her.
Long moments passed. She didn't dare speak, afraid she'd send him back to the dark place where he couldn't or wouldn't take her.
His eyes bored holes into her. "I never intended to scare you," he whispered. "I didn't want you to see me like that."
She exhaled on a ragged sigh. "I was worried, not frightened."
He made an impatient gesture. "God knows, I haven't made good on my promises in the past, but I swear it'll never happen again."
"I want to help, Jack. I want you to tell me – "
He held up his hand, warding off her words. "You don't understand, Livvie. It's… dangerous."
She swung her legs to the floor. He backed up, his hands held palms outward as if to keep her at bay. "Dangerous?" She approached him, frowning. "You've said that before, but it doesn't make any sense."
"It's all the sense I can make."
She stopped a few feet from him. She wasn't going to let Jack off the hook so easily. Not this time. "Don't you think you owe me an explanation?"
"Probably. But I can't give one. Not now."
Suddenly she decided she didn't want to hear complicated explanations after all. What she wanted was to live in the here and now. In this moment with Jack, regardless of what'd happened years before or what happened afterward. The single truth remaining after all these years was that she still wanted him. She didn't fully understand him, she was a little afraid of him despite her proclamations, but she still wanted him. That need obscured everything else.