“Don’t you?”
“No. I know how that must sound, but it’s true. I only want—” She broke off again. How could she explain what she wanted when she didn’t even understand it herself?
“You only want everybody and everything revolving around Elena Gilbert,” he said bitterly. “You only want everything you don’t have.”
Shocked, she stepped back and looked at him. Her throat swelled, and warmth gathered in her eyes.
“Don’t,” he said. “Elena, don’t look like that. I’m sorry.” He sighed. “All right, what is it I’m supposed to do? Hog-tie him and dump him on your doorstep?”
“No,” said Elena, still trying to make the tears go back where they belonged. “I only wanted you to get him to come to the Homecoming Dance next week.”
Mart’s expression was odd. “You just want him to be at the dance.”
Elena nodded.
“All right. I’m pretty sure he’ll be there. And, Elena… there really isn’t anybody but you I want to take.”
“All right,” said Elena after a moment. “And, well, thank you.”
Matt’s expression was still peculiar. “Don’t thank me, Elena. It’s nothing… really.” She was puzzling over that when he turned away and walked down the hall.
“Hold still,” said Meredith, giving Elena’s hair a reproving twitch.
“I still think,” said Bonnie from the window seat, “that they were both wonderful.”
“Who?” Elena murmured absently.
“As if you didn’t know,” said Bonnie. “Those two guys of yours who pulled off the last-minute miracle at the game yesterday. When Stefan caught that last pass, I thought I was going to faint. Or throw up.”
“Oh, please,” said Meredith.
“And Matt — that boy is simply poetry in motion…”
“And neither of them is mine,” Elena said flatly. Under Meredith’s expert fingers, her hair was becoming a work of art, a soft mass of twisted gold. And the dress was all right; the iced-violet color brought out the violet in her eyes. But even to herself she looked pale and steely, not softly flushed with excitement but white and determined, like a very young soldier being sent to the front lines.
Standing on the football field yesterday when her name was announced as Homecoming Queen, there had been only one thought in her mind. He couldn’t refuse to dance with her. If he came to the dance at all, he couldn’t refuse the Homecoming Queen. And standing in front of the mirror now, she said it to herself again.
“Tonight anyone you want will be yours,” Bonnie was saying soothingly. “And, listen, when you get rid of Matt, can I take him off and comfort him?”
Meredith snorted. “What’s Raymond going to think?”
“Oh, you can comfort him. But, really, Elena, I like Matt. And once you home in on Stefan, your threesome is going to get a little crowded. So…”
“Oh, do whatever you want. Matt deserves some consideration.” He’s certainly not getting it from me, Elena thought. She still couldn’t exactly believe what she was doing to him. But just now she couldn’t afford to second-guess herself; she needed all her strength and concentration.
“There.” Meredith put the last pin in Elena’s hair. “Now look at us, the Homecoming Queen and her court — or part of it, anyway. We’re beautiful.”
“Is that the royal ‘we’?” Elena said mockingly, but it was true. They were beautiful. Meredith’s dress was a pure sweep of burgundy satin, gathered tight at the waist and pouring into folds from the hips. Her dark hair hung loose down her back. And Bonnie, as she stood up and joined the others in front of the mirror, was like a shimmering party favor in pink taffeta and black sequins.
As for herself… Elena scanned her image with an experienced eye and thought again, The dress is all right. The only other phrase that came to mind was crystallized violets. Her grandmother had kept a little jar of them, real flowers dipped in crystallized sugar and frozen.
They went downstairs together, as they had for every dance since the seventh grade — except that before, Caroline had always been with them. Elena realized with faint surprise that she didn’t even know who Caroline was going with tonight.
Aunt Judith and Robert — soon to be Uncle Robert — were in the living room, along with Margaret in her pajamas.
“Oh, you girls all look lovely,” said Aunt Judith, as fluttery and excited as if she were going to the dance herself. She kissed Elena, and Margaret held up her arms for a hug.
“You’re pretty,” she said with four-year-old simplicity.
Robert was looking at Elena, too. He blinked, opened his mouth, and closed it again.
“What’s the matter, Bob?”
“On.” He looked at Aunt Judith, seeming embarrassed. “Well, actually, it just occurred to me that Elena is a form of the name Helen. And for some reason I was thinking of Helen of Troy.”
“Beautiful and doomed,” said Bonnie happily.
“Well, yes,” said Robert, not looking happy at all. Elena said nothing.
The doorbell rang. Matt was on the step, in his familiar blue sports coat. With him were Ed Goff, Meredith’s date, and Raymond Hernandez, Bonnie’s. Elena looked for Stefan.
“He’s probably already there,” said Matt, interpreting her glance. “Listen, Elena—”
But whatever he had been about to say was cut off in the chatter from the other couples. Bonnie and Raymond went with them in Matt’s car, and kept up a constant stream of witticisms all the way to the school.
Music drifted out the open doors of the auditorium. As Elena stepped out of the car, a curious certainty rushed over her. Something was going to happen, she realized, looking at the square bulk of the school building. The peaceful low gear of the last few weeks was about to slip into high.
I’m ready, she thought. And hoped it was true.
Inside, it was a kaleidoscope of color and activity. She and Matt were mobbed the instant they came in, and compliments rained down on both of them. Elena’s dress… her hair… her flowers. Matt was a legend in the making: another Joe Montana, a sure bet for an athletic scholarship.
In the dizzying whirl that should have been life and breath to her, Elena kept searching for one dark head.
Tyler Smallwood was breathing heavily on her, smelling of punch and Brut and Doublemint gum. His date was looking murderous. Elena ignored him in the hopes that he would go away.
Mr. Tanner passed by with a soggy paper cup, looking as if his collar was strangling him. Sue Carson, the other senior homecoming princess, breezed up and cooed over the violet dress. Bonnie was already out on the dance floor, shimmering under the lights. But nowhere did Elena see Stefan.
One more whiff of Doublemint and she was going to be sick. She nudged Matt and they escaped to the refreshment table, where Coach Lyman launched into a critique of the game. Couples and groups came up to them, spending a few minutes and then retreating to make room for the next in line. Just as if we really were royalty, thought Elena wildly. She glanced sideways to see if Matt shared her amusement, but he was looking fixedly off to his left.
She followed his gaze. And there, half concealed behind a cluster of football players, was the dark head she’d been looking for. Unmistakable, even in this dim light. A thrill went through her, more of pain than anything else.
“Now what?” said Matt, his jaw set. “The hog-tying?”
“No. I’m going to ask him to dance, that’s all. I’ll wait until we’ve danced first, if you want.”