Mr. Matchett: A fellow don’t hardly know what to do.
Mr. Hinsch: Them companies wasn’t so bad before this here Rotary Club butted in with all their lovey-dovey stuff.
Mr. Matchett: Why, no! What I mean, they had a fight now and then, but they didn’t have nobody get killed or no house burn down, like of that.
Mr. Oyster: But them Rotarys wasn’t satisfied. They had to get up a association and have all the firemen belong to it, so them two companies would love one another. Who the hell ever hear tell of a couple of fire companies that love one another?
Mr. Hinsch: I don’t think much of that stuff. You got to have competition.
Mr. Oyster: And come to find out, they love each other so damn much they had a fight and the house burns down. And Scotty gets killed.
Mr. Hinsch: Them Rotarys makes me sick. Why the hell does them fellows belong to a order like that?
Mr. Matchett: I hear a fellow say they don’t pay no benefits nor nothing.
Mr. Oyster: That’s right. Jim Peasely, that was president last year, told me so hisself. They ain’t got no insurance or nothing like that.
Mr. Matchett: And they ain’t got no regalia.
Mr. Oyster: And then another thing, why don’t they have their meetings at night? Daytime ain’t no time for a order to meet. I’d like to see them try to pull off a initiation, what I mean, a real initiation, with a big class of candidates, like that, in the daytime. Why, you couldn’t do it.
Mr. Matchett: All they got is a password.
Mr. Oyster; Password? Why, hell, they ain’t got a password no more than a snowbird has. They got a motto, that’s all they got. “Serve yourself,” or something like that, I forget just what it is. But not no regular password, not even a grip.
Mr. Hinsch: Is that right?
Mr. Matchett: I swear to God, I never knowed that. I thought they had a password and a grip.
Mr. Hinsch: Ain’t they got nothing at all?
Mr. Oyster: Not a damn thing! And to hear them fellows talk, and read them pieces in the paper, you would think it was something.
Mr. Hinsch: When I get an order, I want something for my money.
Mr. Matchett: Me, too. I’m in the Junior Order and Heptasophs now, and before long — well, I reckon you boys know what I got my eye on. I hope to get took in the Odd Fellows.
Mr. Oyster: Shall we tell him, Hinsch?
Mr. Hinsch: Go ahead and tell him.
Mr. Oyster: We got a little surprise for you, Matchett. It’s all fixed up for you with the Odd Fellows. They act on it next meeting. Fact of the matter the committee has already passed on it.
Mr. Matchett: Is that right!.. Well, boys, that there was sure some surprise, and I tell you it makes a fellow sure feel good. I kind of had an idea, but a fellow can’t never be sure.
Mr. Oyster: Yep, she’s all fixed up. You’ll be right on the steamboat when this summer’s excursion pulls out.
Mr. Matchett: It sure does make a fellow feel good.
Mr. Hinsch: What I say, if them Rotarys hadn’t of butted in with this here Buddy Association, everything would of been all right. Them firemen didn’t need no association. They ought to of kept them companies separate. But then they got in this here bum argument about what color plumes they’re going to have on their hats and then everything is balled up like hell.
Mr. Oyster: That there is a hot thing to have a argument about, ain’t it, what color plumes they’re going to have? My God! What difference does it make what color plumes they have? They could have green plumes and it wouldn’t make no difference to me.
Mr. Hinsch: Me neither. But I say them Water Witches had one thing on their side. White plumes gets dirty awful quick.
Mr. Oyster: Well, Hinsch, I say it’s according as according. If a fellow takes care of his hat right, what I mean, not make no football outen it and use it to dust off the back porch, why them plumes stays clean about as long as a man could expect. Me, I kind of like them white plumes. They show off good on parade.
Mr. Hinsch: They don’t show off as good as red plumes. A fellow can see a red plume a long ways off.
Mr. Oyster: The trouble with them red plumes was that Myersville had them.
Mr. Hinsch: Myersville ain’t got no red plumes no more. They changed them to blue this year.
Mr. Oyster: I know they changed them, but the trouble is nobody out in the state don’t know about it. What them Semper Fidelises was thinking about was the state carnival. Them boys is taken first prize on appearance for three years now, and they didn’t want nobody getting them mixed up with Myersville. Well, yes, it’s a shame the way things is all shot to hell since them Rotarys butted in the way they done. Them companies ain’t got no more show at the carnival now than a snowball in hell.
Mr. Hinsch: I hear them Semper Fidelises ain’t going down to the carnival if they don’t get what they want for Scotty Akers.
Mr. Oyster: Yeah, I hear that too. First time in fifteen years we ain’t had two companies at the carnival. I would think them Rotarys would be ashamed of theirself.
Mr. Matchett: Well, boys, this sure is good news. What I say, a fellow had ought to go in the Junior Order first. The place for a young fellow is in the Junior Order. Then, when he gets so’s he can take on another one, he ought to get took in the Heptasophs. Anyway, that’s what I done, and if I had the thing to do over again, I would do it the same way. Then, when he gets a little older and he knows where he’s at, it’s time to get took in the Odd Fellows. Ain’t that right?
Mr. Hinsch: A fellow hadn’t ought to be in no hurry about the Odd Fellows. Junior Order first, I say.
Mr. Oyster: It don’t pay to be in no hurry.
Mr. Hinsch: Fact of the matter, Oyster, I ain’t never got it straight in my head whether Scotty died in line of duty or not. That there is a question.
Mr. Oyster: The way I look at it, Scotty was there when the bell rang. Then Scotty drove the truck out and got to the fire. And he was at the fire. We know that much, and there can’t be no argument about it. Well, suppose Scotty had of been squirting water on the fire? The string-piece might of beaned him just the same.
Mr. Hinsch: That’s so, all right. Fact of the matter, you might say the string-piece would of been more liable to of beaned him if he was squirting water on the fire than like it was. A fellow runs a awful risk, taking a hose in close on a fire when it gets started good.
Mr. Oyster: And then another thing. Take where Scotty was standing. He didn’t have to pull that nozzle in close to the fire like that, just to sock it on them Water Witches. It looks to me like Scotty was just getting ready to turn it on the fire anyhow.
Mr. Hinsch: That’s right. I was thinking about that myself.
Mr. Oyster: And then, it don’t make no difference if Scotty started the fight, he helped to put out a whole lot of fires, and a fellow don’t hardly know which fire he’s going to get killed at.
Mr. Hinsch: It’s just like lynching a nigger. Some of them says you ought not to lynch him, account of maybe he ain’t the right nigger, but I always say if a nigger hadn’t ought to be lynched for one thing he ought to be lynched for something else he done, so it don’t pay to figure it down too close. It’s just the same way with Scotty. He might of got beaned some other time.
Mr. Oyster: Or later on, maybe.
Mr. Hinsch: Of course, I ain’t saying Scotty didn’t make a whole lot of trouble the way he talked. If Scotty could of kept his trap shut he would of been a hell of a sight better fellow.
Mr. Oyster: Scotty had a-plenty to say all right. But in a way you might say he done a lot for the town.
Mr. Hinsch: I say anybody that went to fires regular like Scotty done, why, he done a lot for the town, even if he did have a lot to say.