That day I got in the car and took a ride, just to keep from going nuts. Coming back I drove by the bank and peeped in. Snelling was at my desk. Church was at Sheila’s window. Helm was at Snelling’s place, and there were two tellers I’d never seen before.
When I tuned in on the news, after supper that night, for the first time there was some sign the story was slackening off. The guy said Brent hadn’t been caught yet, but there was no more stuff about me, or about Sheila. I relaxed a little, but then after a while something began to bore into me. Where was Brent? If she was out on bail, was she meeting him? I’d done all I could to clear her, but that didn’t mean I was sure she was innocent, or felt any different about her than I had before. The idea that she might be meeting him somewhere, that she had played me for a sucker that way, right from the start, set me to tramping around that living room once more, and I tried to tell myself to forget it, to forget her, to wipe the whole thing off the slate and be done with it, and I couldn’t. Around eight-thirty I did something I guess I’m not proud of. I got in the car, drove over there, and parked down the street about half a block, to see what I could see.
There was a light on, and I sat there a long time. You’d be surprised what went on, the newspaper reporters that rang the bell, and got kicked out, the cars that drove by, and slowed down so fat women could rubber in there, the peeping that was going on from upstairs windows of houses. After a while the light went off. The door opened, and Sheila came out. She started down the street, toward me. I felt if she saw me there I’d die of shame. I dropped down behind the wheel, and bent over on one side so I couldn’t be seen from the pavement, and held my breath. I could hear her footsteps coming on, quick, like she was in a hurry to get somewhere. They went right on by the car, without stopping, but through the window, almost in a whisper, I heard her say: “You’re being watched.”
I knew in a flash then, why she hadn’t been indicted for murder. If they’d done that, she wouldn’t have been entitled to bail. They indicted her, but they left it so she could get out, and then they began doing the same thing I’d been doing: watching her, to see if she’d make some break that would lead them to Brent.
Next day I made up my mind I had to see her. But how to see her was tough. If they were watching her that close, they’d probably tapped in on her phone, and any wire I sent her would be read before she got it, that was a cinch. I figured on it awhile, and then I went down in the kitchen to see Sam. “You got a basket here?”
“Yes sir, a big market basket.”
“O.K., I tell you what you do. Put a couple of loaves of bread in it, put on your white coat, and get on over to this address on Mountain Drive. Co in the back way, knock, ask for Mrs. Brent. Make sure you’re talking to her, and that nobody else is around. Tell her I want to see her, and will she meet me tonight at seven o’clock, at the same place she used to meet me downtown, after she came from the hospital. Tell her I’ll be waiting in the car.”
“Yes sir, seven o’clock.”
“You got that all straight?”
“I have, sir.”
“There’s cops all around the house. If you’re stopped, tell them nothing, and if possible, don’t let them know who you are.”
“Just leave it to me.”
I took an hour that night shaking anybody that might be following me. I drove up to Saugus, and coming in to San Fernando I shoved up to ninety, and I knew nobody was back of me, because I could see everything behind. At San Fernando I cut over to Van Nuys, and drove in to the hospital from there. It was one minute after seven when I pulled in to the curb, but I hadn’t even stopped rolling before the door opened and she jumped in. I kept right on.
“You’re being followed.”
“I think not. I shook them.”
“I couldn’t. I think my taxi driver had his instructions before he came to the house. They’re about two hundred yards behind.”
“I don’t see anything.”
“They’re there.”
We drove on, me trying to think what I wanted to say. But it was she that started it.
“Dave?”
“Yes?”
“We may never see each other again, after tonight. I think I’d better begin. You’ve — been on my mind, quite a lot. Among other things.”
“All right, begin.”
“I’ve done you a great wrong.”
“I didn’t say so.”
“You didn’t have to. I felt everything you were thinking in that terrible ride that morning in the ambulance. I’ve done you a great wrong, and I’ve done myself a great wrong. I forgot one thing a woman can never forget. I didn’t forget it. But I — closed my eyes to it.”
“Yeah, and what was that?”
“That a woman must come to a man, as they say in court, with clean hands. In some countries, she has to bring more than that. Something in her hand, something on her back, something on the ox cart — a dowry. In this country we waive that, but we don’t waive the clean hands. I couldn’t give you them. If I was going to come to you, I had to come with encumbrances, terrible encumbrances. I had to be bought.”
“I suggested that.”
“Dave, it can’t be done. I’ve asked you to pay a price for me that no man can pay. I’ve cost you a shocking amount of money, I’ve cost you your career, I’ve cost you your good name. On account of me you’ve been pilloried in the newspapers, you’ve endured torture. You’ve stood by me beautifully, you did everything you could for me, before that awful morning and since — but I’m not worth it. No woman can be, and no woman has a right to think she is. Very well, then, you don’t have to stand by me any longer. You can consider yourself released, and if it lies in my power, I’ll make up to you what I’ve cost you. The career, the notoriety, I can’t do anything about. The money, God willing, someday I shall repay you. I guess that’s what I wanted to say. I guess that’s all I wanted to say. That — and good-bye.”
I thought that over for five or ten miles. It was no time for lolly-gagging. She had said what she meant and I had to say what I meant. And I wasn’t kidding myself that a lot of it wasn’t true. The whole mess, from the time we had started doctoring those books, and putting the money back, I had just hated, and they weren’t love scenes, those nights when we were getting ready for the next day’s skulduggery. They were nervous sessions, and she never looked quite so pretty going home as she had coming over. But it still wasn’t what was on my mind. If I could be sure she was on the up-and-up with me, I’d still feel she was worth it, and I’d still stand by her, if she needed me and wanted me. I made up my mind I was going to hit it on the nose. “Sheila?”
“Yes, Dave.”
“I did feel that way in the ambulance.”
“There’s no need to tell me.”
“Partly on account of what you’ve been talking about, maybe. There’s no use kidding ourselves. It was one awful morning, and we’ve both had awful mornings since. But that wasn’t the main thing.”
“...What was the main thing?”
“I wasn’t sure, I haven’t been sure from the beginning, and I’m not sure now, that you haven’t been two-timing me.”
“What are you talking about? Two-timing you with whom?”