The Beach

'You're here about that guy who died, huh?'

'Yes. I heard you were the one to find him.'

Fame.

'Yep,' I replied, pulling my cigarettes out of my pocket. 'Found him this morning.'

'It must have been bad for you.'

'It was OK. Do you smoke?'

'No, thank you.'

I lit up.

'So, I'm Richard,' I said, exhaling.

'Etienne,' said Etienne, and we shook hands.

Last night I'd put him at eighteen or so, but in the daylight he looked older. Twenty or twenty-one. He had a Mediterranean look about him – short dark hair and a slim build. I could see him in a few years' time, a couple of stones heavier, a glass of Ricard in one hand and a boule in the other.

'This is so weird,' I said. 'I only got to Thailand last night. I wanted to relax in Bangkok, if that's possible, and instead I got this.'

'Oh, we have been here already four weeks, and it is weird for us too.'

'Well, yeah, I suppose someone dying is always a bit strange. So where've you been for the last month? Not only Bangkok, surely.'

'No, no.' Etienne shook his head vigorously. 'A few days in Bangkok is enough. We have been north.'

'Chiang Mai?'

'Yes, we went on a trek. We rafted on a river. Very boring, no?' He sighed and leant backwards, resting his back on the stone step behind him.

'Boring?'

Etienne smiled. 'Raft, trek. I want to do something different, and everybody wants to do something different. But we all do the same thing. There is no… ah…'

'Adventure.'

'I think it is why we come here.' He pointed around the corner of the police station, towards the Khao San Road. 'We come for an adventure, but we find this.'

'Disappointing.'

'Yes.'

Etienne paused for a moment, frowning slightly, then he said, 'This man who died. He was very strange. We would hear him late at night. He would talk and shout… The walls are so thin.'

To my irritation I blushed, remembering the sound of Etienne and his girlfriend having sex. I took a deep drag on my cigarette and looked down at the steps we were sitting on. 'Are they?' I said. 'I was so tired last night I slept

'Yes. Sometimes we do not return to the guest-house until late so he will already be asleep.'

'It won't be a problem any more.'

'Often we could not understand him. I know he talked English because I would recognize some words, but… it was not easy.'

'It wasn't easy for me either. He was Scottish. Strong accent.'

'Oh… You heard him last night?'

Now it was Etienne's turn to go red while I concentrated on my cigarette. My embarrassment was compounded by his. It was odd, but if his girlfriend had been ugly I'd only have been amused, but because she was so attractive it almost felt as if I'd had some kind of affair with her. Which of course I had. A mental affair.

We blushed at each other until the awkward silence became too oppressive.

'Yes,' I said, far too loudly. 'He had a thick Scottish accent.'

'Ah,' replied Etienne, also a little firmly. 'Now I understand.'

He stroked his chin thoughtfully as though he were smoothing down a beard, although I could see from his light stubble that he was a long way from being able to grow one. Then he said, 'He would talk about a beach.'

He looked straight at me as he said it. He was watching my face for a reaction – it was obvious. I nodded to make him continue.

'He would talk about it all night. I would lie on my bed awake, because I could not sleep with his shouting, and I would try to follow his words. Like a puzzle.' Etienne laughed. 'Fokkin' bitch,' he said, approximating the man's voice pretty well. 'It took me three nights to understand it was a beach. Just like a puzzle.'

I took another drag on my cigarette, leaving a pause in the conversation, letting Etienne fill it.

'I like puzzles,' he said, but not really to me. Then he let the silence grow.

A trip to India, seventeen years old, more dope than sense, me and one friend decided to take about an eighth of hash with us on a flight from Srinagar to Delhi. We each made our own plans as to how to take it. I wrapped mine up in plastic, swathed it in masking tape and deodorant to mask the smell, and tucked it into a bottle of malaria pills. The precautions were probably unnecessary. The customs officers were unlikely to be too interested in internal flights, but I did it anyway.

When we got to the airport I was shit scared. I mean I was shit scared – eyes popping, shaking, sweating like a pig. But in spite of my fear, I did the most extraordinary thing. I told a complete stranger, a guy I met in the waiting lounge, that I had some dope hidden in my backpack. It wasn't even like he'd winkled the information out of me. I volunteered it. I made the conversation move on to the subject of drugs, and then confessed that I was a smuggler.

I don't know why I did it. I knew it was a fantastically stupid thing to do, but I went right ahead and did it anyway. I simply needed to tell someone what I was doing.

'I know where the beach is,' I said.

Etienne raised his eyebrows.

'I've got a map.'

'A map of the beach?'

'The dead guy drew it for me. I found it stuck to my door this morning. It shows where the beach is, how to get there. I've got it in my room.'

Etienne whistled. 'You told the police?'

'Nope.'

'Perhaps it is important. Maybe it is something to do with why he…'

'Maybe it is.' I flicked away my cigarette. 'But I don't want to get involved. Maybe they'd think I knew him or something, but I didn't. I never met him before last night.'

'A map,' said Etienne quietly.

'Cool, huh?'

Etienne stood up suddenly. 'Can I see it? Would you mind?'

'Uh, not really,' I replied. 'But aren't you waiting for…'

'My girlfriend? Francoise? She knows the way back to the guesthouse. No, I would like to see the map.' He rested a hand lightly on my shoulder. 'If I may.'

Surprised by the intimacy of the gesture, my shoulder twitched and the hand dropped.

'Yeah, sure,' I said. 'Let's go.'

Mute

We didn't talk as we walked down the Khao San Road towards the guest-house. There was no point. Dodging through the hundreds of travellers made it impossible to have a conversation. Passing the bootleg-tape stalls, moving through the music zones, picking up the walking pace for one beat, slowing it for another. Creedence Clearwater told us to run through the jungle, as if we needed to be told. A techno beat pumped out of fuzzy speakers, then Jimi Hendrix.

Platoon. Jimi Hendrix, dope, and rifle barrels.

I sought out the smell of grass to complete the connection, and found it through the stench of a hot gutter and sticky tarmac. I think it came from above – a balcony full of braided hair and dirty T-shirts, leaning on the guard-rail, enjoying the scene below.

A brown hand flashed out and caught hold of me. A Thai trader sitting by his stall, a slim man with acne scars, was gripping my arm. I looked towards Etienne. He hadn't seen, was still walking down the road. I lost him behind bobbing heads and tanned necks.

The man began stroking my forearm with his free hand, smoothly and swiftly, not loosening his grip. I frowned and tried to pull away. He pulled me back, taking my hand towards his thigh. My fingers clenched to a fist and my knuckles pressed against his skin. People pushed past me on the pavement, knocking me with their shoulders. One caught my eye and smiled. The man stopped stroking my arm and started stroking my leg.

I looked at him. His face was passive and unreadable and his gaze was levelled at my waist. He gave my leg a final caress, turning his wrist so his thumb slipped briefly under the material of my shorts. Then he released my arm, patted me on the behind, and turned back to his stall.