The Beach

The nightmares I couldn't avoid were Gregorio, Ella, Unhygienix, Jesse and Cassie. Even if they agreed to come—which they wouldn't – and we managed to keep it secret from Sal – which would be impossible – we'd never all fit on the raft. So they had to be left behind. And I accepted that without any internal debate. It was irrelevant how it made me feel.

Soon after Etienne had finished talking to Francoise, she swam over to where I sat and pulled herself halfway out of the water. I waited for her to say something, but she kept quiet. She didn't even look at me. 'Is there a problem?' I whispered, keeping one eye over her shoulder. Gregorio and Keaty were still diving near by. '… You understand why we have to go?'

'Maybe,' she replied after a pause. 'I understand that Etienne wants to leave because he is frightened of Sal.'

'He's right to be frightened of her.'

'Is he?'

'Yes.'

'But I do not think that is why you are leaving… For you, there is something else.'

'…Something else?'

'You would not leave if it was only because Etienne is frightened of Sal.'

'I would. I am.'

'No.' She shook her head. 'Will you tell me why you want to leave?'

'It's just like Etienne told you…'

'Richard. I am asking you. Please tell me why.'

'There's nothing to tell. I think if we stay that Etienne may be in danger.'

'You do not think it can get better after Tet? Everyone says life will be better after Tet. You do not think, maybe we should stay? We can wait for a few more days and then, if you are still afraid…'

'Tet will change nothing, Francoise. Life will only get worse.'

'Worse… Worse than we have had.'

'Yes'

'But you will not tell me why.'

'…I don't know how I could.'

'But you are sure.'

'Yes. I'm sure.'

She slipped back into the water. 'We will never be able to come back,' she said, just before her head submerged, and sighed. 'So sad…'

'Perhaps,' I replied to the stream of bubbles she left behind on the surface. 'If there was anything to come back to.'

Ten minutes later, Gregorio held up his fishing spear. A milkfish flapped on its point, sliding itself further down the shaft with its efforts to get free, the last fish needed for the extra quota.

Francoise, Etienne and Gregorio began to make their way back towards the beach, jumping between the boulders where possible, swimming where necessary. Keaty and I stayed back.

'Hang on,' I'd said, when the others had set off. 'I want to show you something.'

He'd frowned. 'We've got to get the catch back.'

'It can wait. Twenty minutes. Twenty-five. It's important.'

'Well,' he'd said, and shrugged. 'If it's important…'

Show, Don't Tell

I had imagined that, of the three, Keaty would be the hardest to persuade. He'd lived on the beach for longer than all of us, he didn't have Francoise's attachment to Etienne, or Jed's bleak disillusionment. But it turned out he was the easiest. All I had to do was to show him where the boat had been, and he virtually came up with the idea himself.

'It can't be gone,' Keaty said, and leant over, trailing his arms in the water as if hoping to find its sunken prow. 'It just can't be. It's not possible.'

'But it is.'

'It can't be.'

'You can see for yourself.'

'Don't tell me what I can see!'

'…I don't know what Sal's going to say…'

'I do! She's going to fucking flip! She's going to lose her mind! She's going to…' He rose up with a jerk and clapped both hands to his head. 'Oh my God, Rich…'

I frowned with what I imagine looked like innocent concern. '…What is it?

'I was the one who tied it up… I was the one who… Jesus Christ!

'What? Tell me!'

'I'm dead!' he almost screamed. 'I'm a fucking dead man!'

'…Dead? Why?'

'The food poisoning! And now losing the boat! Shit! Fuck! Of all things, losing the… Don't you get it? She'll do for me! She'll do for me like she did for… for… Oh no! ' He leapt to his feet and started quickly backing away.' …This is why you got me here, isn't it? She already knows! She already fucking knows!'

I stood up too.

'You stay where you are! '

'Keaty…'

He drew back a fist. 'Stay where you are!'

'Keaty…'

'I swear, if you make one fucking move I'll…'

'Keaty!' I yelled, suddenly feeling angry myself. 'Shut the fuck up! I'm not going to attack you, for Christ's sake!'

'Back off!'

'OK, OK!' I took several steps away from him. 'I'm backing off!'

'Further! Get right back against the rock!'

I did as I was told. 'There! Satisfied?'

He stayed frozen with his fist raised. 'If you make one move…'

'You'll pulverize me. I know.'

'I will do it! I'm not Karl! I'm telling you, you won't have a fucking prayer!'

'I know. I'll be creamed. But you've got to believe me, I've got no intention of attacking you. I can't even believe you think I would! You're one of my best friends!'

His fist lowered, but no more than an inch.

'…Does Sal know about the boat?'

'No.'

'You promise?'

'On my life. The whole reason I brought you here is so you could find out before she did. And think about it, Keaty. How could she know? You only got back last night, so when could she have had a chance to find out?'

He thought about this a few seconds then lowered his fist completely. 'Yes,' he murmured blankly. 'That's true… She couldn't know…'

'Right.'

'…But… she'll find out soon… She'll have to…'

'She'll find out very soon.'

'Fuck!' he blurted, his panic rising again. 'And then what will I do? I won't be able to sleep at nights! I won't be able to go anywhere alone! I'll have to…'

'Leave?'

I'll have to leave! Yes! Jesus! I should leave right now! I'll take the…' He whirled around and stared at the cove. 'Oh, God,' he whispered, 'but I can't. I'm trapped here… trapped…'

'No,' I replied, raising a hand to my temples as if formulating a rapid and brilliant scheme. 'There might be another option.'

Spiked

Now I was on a roll. Getting on top of things. The two hardest converts were converted and all I had to do was get Jed, fill him in, and wait for our chance to slip away. I was feeling so good that I started humming my mouse song as Keaty and I re-entered the clearing. The only problem was, Keaty joined in too. Joined in with manic gusto, hitting the wrong notes, turning heads. 'What are you doing?' I hissed. 'You sound like a swarm of bees.'

'I can't help it,' he hissed back through a rigid ventriloquist's smile. 'I'm freaking out. I feel like everybody's watching us.'

'You've got to act normal.'

'I don't know if I'll be able to handle this, Rich.'

'The Gameboy. Go and play the Gameboy. And if Sal asks you to join in with the preparations, just try to be calm.'

'Got it,' he whispered, and walked off to his tent, arms stiffly swinging by his sides.

Etienne and Francoise were coping a lot more successfully, but they did have each other for support. They sat close to the kitchen hut, apparently chatting idly, busy helping to gut the enormous catch of fish.

Sal, meanwhile, was nowhere to be seen. I wanted to locate her before I tried to get to the hospital tent – remembering that she'd told me to stay away from Jed – so I moved to the centre of the clearing, expecting to spot her with Bugs and the carpenters.