“I’m so sorry.” I keep my voice steady.
“I know. Me, too.” He sits in Josie’s chair.
Then, he reaches over to hold my hand and I can finally breathe again. I give him a bright smile even though my face feels numb and my lips are cracked.
I lick my lips. “Do you forgive me?”
“Yeah,” he says. “I can. We can be friends.”
“Friends?” My throat works convulsively trying to find a way to work past the giant lump.
“Yes. I’ve missed you. I have. But I can’t trust you.”
“That’s—” My throat refuses to let the words out. There’s a moment when my eyebrows squeeze together in a plea. “Not forgiving.”
“It is. You and I have a different understanding of what we want. I want to date someone I can trust. Someone I might someday spend a lifetime with. I can’t waste your time or mine if it’s not you.”
He releases my hand and places his face in both palms. “It won’t be easy at first. I know.” He shrugs. “But we were friends before this. We can be friends again.”
“Fuck you.”
He looks shocked for a second and color drains from his face. Did he think I’d so easily take his suggestion?
“OK then.” He gets to his feet. “You need some time to get used to the idea. Wow. I’ve never heard you this angry. Must be the drugs. I’ll go get Josie.”
He turns and walks toward the door.
I choke I’m so furious. “Friends. OK. Guess my feelings for you were a lot stronger than that.”
Leo’s steps slow. He faces the door, but I can still hear him. “You’re wrong. And that’s exactly the problem.”
Josie and Leo take me home the next day. Home. I’m not sure I know the meaning. It’s supposed to be a place that feels safe and happy.
It’s neither.
I realize I’ve entered a dark place in my life and have to salvage myself. If it means letting Leo go, then so be it. Still, it hurts like no other hurt. As Josie says, it hurts like a mother-effer.
I’d obviously given Leo all the round edges and corners of my heart, the open places and hidden ones. The only thing I hadn’t given him was what he needed most—my fears. Because that’s where all the truth lives—in the ugly, honest parts we try not to reveal about ourselves.
Maybe if I’d given him my ugly truths, he’d have given me his.
On day two after my accident, I call Mama and Daddy for an hour-long conversation. It’s the most real heart-to-heart we’ve had since I eloped with Wesley. Sure, they both catch themselves trying to tell me what to do, but for once, they talk to me as an adult.
Josie attempts to be neutral Switzerland. She asks me to do things, brings me books, and never mentions Leo. It’s my third day home from the hospital and I smile at her happy face in my doorway.
“Don’t you have better things to do during lunch?” I ask.
“Nope. This is me, earning my angel wings.” She sweeps in with a white bag. “Brought you a burger. Dane sent it and said you can kiss him later.”
“I’m not hungry. I’ll eat it for dinner.”
She walks to the bar and pulls out the contents. “You’ve lost weight. Which normally, I’d be envious of and wanting to go on the old car crash diet too, but hey. You need to gain a little. Eat.”
I roll my eyes. “Whatever.”
“When do you go back to work?”
“I don’t.”
She slows in opening the to-go container with my burger. “You quit?”
“Mentally? I quit. Officially? I think I was fired.” I slide the burger my way so I can stop talking and eat. The damage that Tori’s done can’t be reversed and I’m really over it. When she finds out Leo and I aren’t together, she’ll be thrilled and leave me alone forever.
“No one would fire you. Forgive me for saying this, but you are such a goodie two-shoes. What did you do? Turn down your manager? Tell him to go suck his own—”
“Someone complained about me.”
“What about?”
“Can we drop it?”
“No.” Josie grabs her burger container from the bag. “I’m your friend and I deserve to know what’s going on. There’s a story that goes with this and the fact that you aren’t telling it bothers me.”
“OK. It was Tori. Are you happy? Tori lied about seeing me doing something really bad to one of the dogs and Tom fired me.”
Josie slaps both hands onto the bar. “I am going to hunt her down like the vermin she is and kill her. Honest-to-God—”
“Don’t swear. And you aren’t killing anyone. She’s done. She won’t bother me again.”
“I’m telling Leo. You can’t stop me.”
I shrug, but the mention of his name drives a blade through my sternum. “You know what? I don’t care. I can’t keep any more secrets.”
She raises an eyebrow. “You have some more I need to know about?”
Dread hovers in my stomach, making my pulse speed up. I’m like a skydiver about to make that jump from the plane. No going back.
“Leo won’t tell you because he’s too honorable or something. I don’t know why. But I’m going to tell you because you’ve been a true friend to me. You don’t deserve anything but the truth.”
“What is it?” Josie tilts her head.
“When I met you in Dog Ears, I had seen you eating with Leo.”
“Yeah, so? You told me that the first time. I’d forgotten about that.”
“I’d been watching Leo. I wanted to meet him. I had ulterior motives.” Should I add the part about Leo being Mr. Expose? It doesn’t seem right that I should tell his secrets.
“You think you’re the first girl to get chummy with me to meet Leo?” Josie laughs. “Crazy. Is this all you’re worried about me knowing? Answer me. Are we really friends or are you faking it?”
“Real. You’re the best friend I’ve had since high school. And I don’t even know those girls anymore.”
“Good. Now that we’ve decided to be all BFF and everything, we can eat.” She winks at me.
For the first time in days, I smile.
15
The $64,000 question
Leo
If a woman can ruin you, what does that say about you as a person? Tori came close to killing any self-respect I possessed. I wanted her so badly, I considered sharing her with another man. Not that I knew about the other man until I was already in dick deep. I was a man drowning in desire and desperation. Ready to believe everything she told me.
So, I’m irritated when Josie drops in for the sole purpose of bringing up the subject of Tori. I’ve told her that it’s taboo. I’ve buried that past and don’t speak her name. Now, Josie wants to bring her up like resurrecting some horrible voodoo talisman that keeps popping back up.
Josie sits at my bar, peeling the label from a beer bottle and leaving curls of paper in a mess. “Tori did something to Harper.”
I rub two fingers over the knot forming at the base of my neck. “What did she do?”
I prepare myself for whatever trash talk Tori has thrown Harper’s way. Tori and Josie have gotten into several yelling matches outside of Dastardly’s. I’m lucky Josie hasn’t decked her yet.
“She got Harper fired.”
The words echo in my brain because I need time to process. I stare at Josie. She’d never make this up. I know it’s the truth, but I cannot comprehend how this has happened. “Details, Josie. Details.”
Josie repeats her conversation with Harper. Each word drops a stone into my stomach, sitting heavy and insoluble. I’m going to need a vat of Tums to combat the indigestion. I massage my forehead, wishing I could erase this awful feeling that I’ve let Harper down. “Why am I finding this out now? Why didn’t Harper tell me?”
She glances at me with her patented you’re-a-dumbass look. “Have you set foot across the hall since the accident?”