He looks up at the ceiling as if he can’t meet my gaze. “You’re overreacting. I didn’t mean—”
“That I was a hook-up? That you were horny and I was a pushover?”
He gaze drops to mine immediately. “You know that’s not what I meant. You deserve better than a purely physical relationship. I’m not ready to give you more.”
His soft voice bleeds sincerity, and I hate him for it.
“Can you do one decent thing for me? Just one and I promise to never bother you again.”
He stares at me. “Yeah.” His voice is low and for a minute, I swear it’s filled with regret.
“Don’t print this.” I pull the postcard from my pocket and fling it at him. “I took this the day I found all the blog cards.”
The paper flips in the air and falls short on the floor between us.
“You didn’t trust me? You could’ve asked for it instead of taking what you wanted.”
The hurt inside me coils. Strike at him. Make him feel like he’s not that important. I shrug. “I did ask for it, but you treated me like an unreasonable ditz. The postcard was the reason I moved next door. Mission accomplished.”
“Then why give it back now? You suddenly trust me?” He narrows his eyes and his cold voice makes me want to see some emotion from him. Anything.
“You’re right. I don’t trust you. Thanks for the reminder.” I bend to pick up the card. Making eye contact again, I tear it in half once. Then again and again and again until only small pieces are left. I release them and they flutter to my feet. “Have a nice life, Leo.”
A flicker of something I recognize passes across his face. Hurt.
I flee to the safety of my apartment with my chest tight. I can’t let what happened last night happen again.
I’m lying on my bed with my cell rings. It’s a relief when Josie’s name pops up on the caller ID.
“Hello,” I say, tentatively. She and Leo are close and I am well aware of what will happen if she’s forced to choose sides. I’ll lose her.
“Hey,” Josie says, pausing for a long second. “I want to apologize for last night. I should’ve cleared the stripper with you but I thought it would be so much fun to see the surprise on your face.”
“Yeah. I was surprised. Did I tell you thanks?”
“Um… about fifty times.” She laughs. “Did you and Leo get into a fight last night over that?”
“No.” It’s the truth. What we did was the exact opposite of fighting.
She exhales into the phone. “Good. I’ve been worried. I mean, I did it knowing that Leo would be jealous no matter what he says. That’s why I told him not to show up until later.”
“It’s fine. Can we not talk about Leo?”
Silence.
“I’m confused,” she says. “Didn’t you ride home with Leo after the cake?”
“Yeah, but there’s nothing going on between us. It’s over.”
“You are bullshitting me. Did you see his face when he dragged you out of the chair last night?”
“Yes. But we can’t make it work. I don’t want to talk about your brother. I need help finding a job and a car.”
Josie pauses, then sighs. “I’m coming over and we can take care of the car shopping today.”
“How am I ever going to pay you back for all your good deeds?”
“I’ll think of something.” There’s a pat-on-the-back tone in her voice that tells me everything will work out.
I smile at that. We disconnect. Even through the phone line, she’s stable. Kooky and loud, but stable. For the first time in a long while, I know what I want. Roots. Family. Purpose.
Love. Real love that doesn’t flash from hot to cold. A chill passes over me as I think about how awful my words were to Leo. I’m not that girl. A vindictive, ugly person.
He’s wrong for thinking he can turn me on and off, but it’s my fault for not staying away from him. We can’t be friends. He’s probably not going to try again anyway, after I was so hateful. But if he comes on to me again, I’ll be stronger next time.
Josie arrives in half an hour. I get into her Mustang convertible. She’s smiling but not her talkative self. It’s okay with me if we stay silent. My round this morning with Leo still has me feeling as though I’ve been sucker-punched.
“Want to look anywhere in particular?” Josie checks traffic and pulls out.
“I’m on a budget. Nothing as nice as yours. Something to get me places.”
“Gotcha.” She accelerates and pulls her hair off her neck. “It’s a little hot. We could’ve borrowed Leo’s car.”
I don’t respond to her comment. The last thing I want is to be indebted to him for anything. The wind blows onto my face and the temperature warms me. Leo’s chilly conversation with me has left me feeling frozen and empty.
Maybe my heart’s actually stopped and I don’t know it yet.
“Harper,” Josie says. “I wasn’t going to bring him up, but I have to.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Yes. I do. He’s my brother and I love him. I want him to be happy. I want you to be happy. But he’s not going to tell you things he should. He’s weird like that.”
Cold is more like it.
“He’s hurt me.” I stare up and blink back the tears. “He really has. One minute he’s incredibly sensitive and romantic and…perfect. But he keeps shutting down and I don’t know who I’m going to get, Romeo or Voldemort. Today…” I cover my mouth with one hand and turn to the window so I can get myself under control.
“Tori still calls him. I found out he met with her the other day.”
I can’t stop the tears now. “Oh, geez. You are not helping me feel better.”
“No,” she says, frantically shaking her head. “He’s trying to make her stop calling and texting and dropping by his place. And it was after I told him that she got you fired. It wasn’t a reconciliation thing. Lord, no. She’s mental.”
I search my purse for a tissue. “He may deserve her.”
Josie puts her free hand on my arm. “You don’t mean that.”
“No,” I say, my bottom lip trembling with the effort to stop my blubbering. “No, I don’t. Sorry. That wasn’t a nice thing to say.”
Josie hits her blinker and pulls into the nearest parking lot. “Ice cream is required. Now.”
We’ve parked in front of an ice cream shop and it suddenly seems like the perfect anecdote to a good cry.
I wipe my face with the tissue. “OK.”
We stand in the line until our turn to order. I point at the ice cream buckets with the most decadent chocolate I can see and order three scoops. Then I request caramel on top.
Josie eyes my order. “There’s a reason we are buddies.” She licks her lips and orders the same for herself.
We sit knee to knee at the small parlor table and suddenly the world is brighter and definitely sweeter. I have a good friend. I dig into my ice cream.
“Let me talk and you listen. Eat your ice cream,” Josie says.
I nod and stuff a large spoonful into my mouth.
“Leo caught her with her husband. He broke it off. She said she’d left her husband. They got back together again. He discovered she’d lied. She said her husband abused her. That was a lie. I cannot tell you how many lies he believed. Over and over again.”
My mouth full of ice cream is numb, but my heart isn’t. He’s as broken as I am.
Josie’s lips purse. “For a smart guy, he can be really stupid. And that’s the part that scares him. He was incredibly stupid when it came to Tori. He kept holding on because you want to believe in people you love.”
“So, he loves her?” The words pass through my lips in a strained whisper. I’m not sure if it’s the ice cream or my question that causes me to feel as though I’ve been stabbed through the chest with an icicle.
“Oh. Should’ve said loved. Past tense. And I’m sure she’s killed any love there was. I mean, how can anyone stand that kind of abuse of trust? But she wove her spell on him and had this kind of sexual hold over Leo that I can’t explain. She’s like Calypso.”