He came inside and shook his head. Gave this little sigh, like relief. And laughed. Then he held his hands out. I didn’t even ask him to.
I taped ’em up again with adhesive tape, and he sat down in the chair, picked up his scotch, and sipped it.
And damn. I’ll tell you something. The God’s truth. I felt good. Naw, naw, it wasn’t like I’d seen the light or anything like that. But I was thinking that of all the people in my life — my dad or Sandy or Toth or anybody else — I never did really trust them. I’d never let myself go all the way. And here, tonight, I did. With a stranger and somebody who had the power to do me some harm. It was a pretty scary feeling, but it was also a good feeling.
It was a little thing, real little. But maybe that’s where stuff like this starts. I realized then that I’d been wrong. I could let him go. Oh, I’d keep him tied up here. Gagged. It’d be a day or so before he’d get out. But he’d agree to that. I knew he would. And I’d write his name and address down, let him know I knew where him and his family lived. But that was only part of why I was thinking I’d let him go. I wasn’t sure what the rest of it was. But it was something about what’d just happened, something between me and him.
“How you feel?” he asked.
I wasn’t going to give too much away. No, sir. But I couldn’t help saying, “I thought I was gone then. But you did right by me.”
“And you did right, too. Jack.” And then he said, “Pour us another round.”
I filled the glasses to the top. We lapped ’em.
“Here’s to you. Jack. And to faith.”
“To faith.”
I tossed back the whiskey, and when I lowered my head, sniffing air through my nose to clear my head, well, that was when he got me. Right in the face.
He was good, that son of a bitch. Tossed the glass low so that even when I ducked, automatically, the booze caught me in the eyes, and man, that stung like nobody’s business. I couldn’t believe it. I was howling in pain and going for the knife. But it was too late. He had it all planned out, exactly what I was going to do. How I was gonna move. He brought his knee up into my chin and knocked a couple of teeth out, and I went over onto my back before I could get the knife out my pocket. Then he dropped down on my belly with his knee — I remembered I’d never bothered to tape his feet up again — and he knocked the wind out, and there I was King, like I was paralyzed, trying to breathe and all. Only I couldn’t. And the pain was incredible, but what was worse was the feeling that he didn’t trust me.
I was whispering, “No, no, no. I was going to, man. You don’t understand. I was going to let you go.”
I couldn’t see nothing and couldn’t really hear nothing either, my ears were roaring so much. I was gasping. “You don’t understand you don’t understand.”
Man, the pain was so bad. So bad...
Weller must’ve got the tape off his hands, chewed through it. I guess, ’cause he was rolling me over. I fell him tape my hands together, then grab me and drag me over to a chair, tape my feet to the legs. He got some water and threw it in my face to wash the whiskey out of my eyes.
He sat down in a chair in front of me. And he just stared at me for a long time while I caught my breath. He picked up his glass, poured more scotch. I shied away, thinking he was going to throw it in my face again, but he just sat there, sipping it and staring at me.
“You... I was going to let you go. I was.”
“I know,” he said. Still calm.
“You know?”
“I could see it in your face. I’ve been a salesman for twenty-five years, remember? I know when I’ve closed a deal.”
I’m a pretty strong guy, specially when I’m mad, and I tried real hard to break through that tape but there was no doing it. “Goddamn you!” I shouted. “You said you weren’t going to turn me in. You, all your goddamn talk about faith...”
“Shhhh,” Weller whispered. And he sat back, crossing his legs. Easy as could be. Looking me up and down. “That fellow your friend shot back at the drugstore. The customer at the counter?”
I nodded slowly.
“He was my friend. It’s his place my wife and I are slaying at this weekend. With all our kids.”
I just stared at him. His friend? What was he saying?
“I didn’t know—”
“Be quiet,” he said, real soft. “I’ve known him for years. Gerry was one of my best friends.”
“I didn’t want nobody to die. I—”
“But somebody did die. And it was your fault.”
“Toth...”
He whispered. “It was your fault.”
“All right, you tricked me. Call the cops. Get it over with, you goddamn liar.”
“You really don’t understand, do you?” He shook his head. Why was he so calm? His hands weren’t shaking. He wasn’t looking around, nervous and all. Nothing like that. He said, “If I’d wanted to turn you in. I would just’ve flagged down that squad car a few minutes ago. But I said I wouldn’t do that. And I won’t. I gave you my word I wouldn’t tell the cops a thing about you. And I won’t.”
“Then what do you want?” I shouted. “Tell me.” Trying to bust through that tape. And as he unfolded my Buck knife with a click, I was thinking of something I told him.
Oh man, no... Oh, no.
“Yeah, being blind, I guess. That’d be the worst thing I could think of.”
“What’re you going to do?”
“What’m I going to do. Jack?” Weller said. He cut the last bit of tape off his wrists with the Buck, then looked up at me. “Well, I’ll tell you. I spent a good bit of time tonight proving to you that you shouldn’t kill me. And now...”
“What, man? What?”
“Now I’m going to spend a good bit of time proving to you that you should’ve.”
Then, real slow. Weller finished his scotch and stood up. And he walked toward me, that weird little smile on his face.
Brendan Dubois
The Dark Snow
from Playboy
When I get to the steps of my lakeside home, the door is open. I slowly walk in, my hand reaching for the phantom weapon at my side, everything about me extended and tingling as I enter the strange place that used to be mine. I step through the small kitchen, my boots crunching the broken glassware and dishes on the tile floor. Inside the living room with its cathedral ceiling the furniture has been upended, as if an earthquake had struck.
I pause for a second, looking out the large windows and past the enclosed porch, down to the frozen waters of Lake Marie. Off in the distance are the snow-covered peaks of the White Mountains. I wait, trembling, my hand still curving for that elusive weapon. They are gone, but their handiwork remains. The living room is a jumble of furniture, torn books and magazines, shattered pictures and frames. On one clear white plaster wall, next to the fireplace, two words have been written in what looks to be ketchup: GO HOME.
This is my home. I turn over a chair and drag it to the windows. I sit and look out at the crisp winter landscape, my legs stretched out, holding both hands still in my lap, which is quite a feat.
For my hands at that moment want to be wrapped around someone’s throat.
After a long time wandering. I came to Nansen, New Hampshire, in the late summer and purchased a house along the shoreline of Lake Marie. I didn’t waste much time, and I didn’t bargain. I made an offer that was about a thousand dollars below the asking price, and in less than a month it belonged to me.