“There’s a difference,” I said. “You’re not a doctor, and you’re not helping people who are terminally ill.”
“Don’t pick nits with me, Tom! Dr. Kevorkian helps people who are in great pain and want out. I’m no different. Everyone who calls me is in excruciating pain. Aren’t you? I mean, Tom, the kind of sickness you have, it just eats at your heart, doesn’t it? It’s painful, and you can hardly bear it.”
“Something like that,” I said, “but—”
“But nothing, Tom! Assisted suicide is the wave of the future. The precedents are set. Soon enough, you’re going to see suicide centers spring up all over the country. A whole chain of centers. Suicide superstores, next to every Barnes and Noble.”
“You’re insane,” I said.
“If you’re tired of listening to me, why don’t you just pull that trigger and get it over with?”
I put the four extending inches of the barrel in my mouth, with my bottom lip resting against the trigger guard. I had it in both hands, with my thumb wrapping around the trigger. There was no chance it would jam this time. It was ready to go.
Ray looked at me with those intense eyes of his. He looked about ready to start slobbering. In fact, he looked lustful.
I shall but love thee better after death...
I took the gun out of my mouth.
“Wait a minute,” I said, turning the gun on Ray.
Ray’s lascivious grin collapsed into a thin red line.
“What’s the matter, Tom? I was so proud of you. I thought you were going to make good on your promises.”
“Shut up,” I said. “I could kill you right now.”
“You won’t,” Ray said confidently. “Everyone else you’ve killed was armed. I’m helpless, and harmless. You won’t do it.”
“You want to make a bet?”
“Hey, Tom, come on, buddy! Don’t you see it worked?”
“What worked?”
“You were right! I was playing reverse psychology on you all along, and it worked. Another life saved. Damn, I’m good!”
“I don’t believe you,” I said.
“Don’t, then.” Ray shrugged.
“You’re sick. Death turns you on. Everything about death. It gets you going. Ever since you came over here, you’ve had this covetous look in your eye—”
“Covetous?” Ray played the innocent. “Covetous of what?”
“Of my body, that’s what!”
“Nonsense!” Ray said.
“And you know what? I don’t think you’re even a pansy or anything. All you care is that it’s a body, and that it’s dead.”
“Tom, I can’t believe you’re saying that. It’s too awful!”
“It’s awful because it’s true. You don’t care how they do it, or why, just so long as you’re alone with them afterwards.”
“Tom, don’t be ridiculous! I do nothing of the sort!”
“Oh yeah? I don’t believe you. And I don’t believe you have it in you to kill anybody yourself. In this city, you could pick up just about any stranger you saw on the street, if you were clever enough. All you’d have to do is take them home, or to a dark, secluded spot — maybe the park. If you were capable of killing anyone, that’s what you’d do.”
“Put the gun down, Tom. You’re talking crazy! I’m — I’m worried about you. You don’t really want to hurt me, do you?”
“Oh, yes, I want to hurt you, Ray. You bet I do. You’re scum. You’re worse than scum. You’re a scavenger. I’d rather hurt you, but I’m going to take you in. Come on, get up.”
I stood up and waved the gun at him. Ray got up.
“Take me in? On what charge? You can’t prove anything!”
Ray had a point. I had no evidence of his crimes.
“What am I going to do with you, then?” I asked aloud.
“Why don’t you just kill me?” Ray suggested.
“No good,” I said. “I’d never beat the rap.”
“Kill me, then kill yourself. Solves all your problems.”
“You have a death wish or something? I’m sorely tempted.”
“If that doesn’t grab you, why not join me?”
“Join you?” I was incredulous.
“Sure, we’d make a great team! Tom and Ray, the help line boys! Two is better than one. Hey, we could use the good cop, bad cop routine on them! I bet we’d have more successes that way. It’s clear to me from that suicide note that you’re finished with police work. Well, now Ray’s here to hand you back your future on a silver platter. You could quit your job at the police force and come work with me full-time. What do you say?”
“You do this full-time? How do you make a living?”
“Tom. I thought you were brighter than that! I invite myself in. I help them out. I get my kicks, and then I go rooting around for loot. They can’t take it with them, and I may as well have it. That’s how I collect my fee.”
“Your fee,” I repeated.
“You think I’d do any of this out of the goodness of my heart? It’s a business, Tommy baby. So are you in or out?”
“How much do you make?”
“Some nights are better than others. I bet you don’t have much dough lying around. Maybe you got some baseball cards—”
“You’re not getting my baseball cards,” I said. “Or me.”
“And I was so close.”
“Your apartment must be filled with stolen goods,” I said.
“It’s not easy to fence everything so fast.”
“Uh-huh.” I said, grinning. “That’s what I figured.”
I emptied my clip into Ray. He fell down all bloody.
I set my Glock down on the kitchen table. I opened my front door, looked up and down the hallway to make sure no one was watching, and went into the hall. I closed my door. I kicked it hard three times with the heel of my boot until I busted the lock and splintered the jamb and the door flew wide open. I went to the bathroom, tore down the suicide notes, and set them aflame using one match. I let them burn in my fingers until I dropped them into the toilet, and I flushed the ashes down and away.
I went to the phone and called the precinct house. Captain Feliciano happened to be the operations officer on duty tonight.
“Tony, it’s Tom,” I said.
“Hey, Tom!” he said. “You’re off tonight, aren’t you?”
“Yeah, and I had a bit of a problem here. I was just sitting here watching television in the dark, and some guy broke in through my front door. It looked like he was pointing a gun at me through the pocket of his jacket. He said if I didn’t give him all my money, he was going to kill me. I didn’t want to take any chances, so—”
Feliciano sighed. “How many times did you shoot him, Tom?”
“That damned trigger jammed on me again, Tony, so I blew the one in the chamber and all seventeen in the clip.”
“Eighteen, huh? So I take it he’s dead.”
I glanced at Ray, not moving. “You take it correctly, sir.”
“What kind of a gun did he have on him?”
“It wasn’t a gun at all. It must have been his fingers.”
“Well, that’s okay,” my captain said. “Just swear in court that you saw the butt of the gun poking out of his jacket. And you’re sure he intended to burglarize you?”
“Oh, I’m positive,” I said. “He had his moves down cold, like he’s done this dozens of times before. I bet he’s got tons of stolen goods at his place. Can we get a warrant?”
“Don’t sweat it, Tom. You did the right thing. I’ll have dispatch send a car over to take your report. Just relax. You don’t have a thing to worry about. I’ll see to it myself.”
“Thanks, Tony, captain, sir,” I said, to cover the bases.
Captain Feliciano laughed good-naturedly and hung up.