Nights were when the bad thoughts came, and she knew she shouldn’t let them.
In the past she’d had those greasy-skinned roommates to drown out thinking. They all had rashes from cheap studio makeup and the clap from cheap studio men and beautiful figures like Penny’s own. And they never stopped talking, twirling their hair in curlers and licking their fingers to turn the magazine pages. But their chatter-chatter-chatter muffled all Penny’s thoughts. And the whole atmosphere — the thick muzz of Woolworth’s face powder and nylon nighties when they even shared a bed — made everything seem cheap and lively and dumb and easy and light.
Here, in the bungalow, after leaving Mr. Flant and Benny to drift off into their applejack dreams, Penny had only herself. And the books.
Late into the night, waiting for the light spots to come, she found her eyes wouldn’t shut. They started twitching all the time, and maybe it was the night jasmine, or the beach burr.
But she had the books. All those books, these beautiful, brittling books, books that made her feel things, made her long to go places and see things — the River Liffey and Paris, France.
And then there were those in the wrappers, the brown paper soft at the creases, the white baker string slightly fraying.
Her favorite was about a detective recovering stolen jewels from an unlikely hiding spot.
But there was one that frightened her. About a farmer’s daughter who fell asleep each night on a bed of hay. And in the night the hay came alive, poking and stabbing at her.
It was supposed to be funny, but it gave Penny bad dreams.
“Well, she was in love with Larry,” Mr. Flant said. “But she was not Larry’s kind.”
Penny had been telling them how Mrs. Stahl had shown up at her door the night before, in worn satin pajamas and cold cream, to scold her for moving furniture around.
“I don’t even know how she saw,” Penny said. “I just pushed the bed away from the wall.”
She had lied, telling Mrs. Stahl she could hear the oven damper popping at night. She was afraid to tell her about the shadows and lights and other things that made no sense in daytime. Like the mice moving behind the wall on hind feet, so agile she’d come to think of them as pixies, dwarves. Little men.
“It’s not your place to move things,” Mrs. Stahl had said, quite loudly, and for a moment Penny thought the woman might cry.
“That’s all his furniture, you know,” Benny said. “Larry’s. Down to the forks and spoons.”
Penny felt her teeth rattle slightly in her mouth.
“He gave her books she liked,” Benny added. “Stiff British stuff he teased her about. Charmed himself out of the rent for months.”
“When he died she wailed around the courtyard for weeks,” Mr. Flant recalled. “She wanted to scatter the ashes into the canyon.”
“But his people came instead,” Benny said. “Came on a train all the way from Carolina. A man and woman with cardboard suitcases packed with pimento sandwiches. They took the body home.”
“They said Hollywood had killed him.”
Benny shook his head, smiled that tobacco-toothed smile of his. “They always say that.”
“You’re awfully pretty for a face-fixer,” one of the actors told her, fingers wagging beneath his long makeup bib.
Penny only smiled, and scooted before the pinch came.
It was a western, so it was mostly men, whiskers, lip bristle, three-day beards filled with dust.
Painting the girls’ faces was harder. They all had ideas of how they wanted it. They were hard girls, striving to get to Paramount, to MGM. Or they’d started out there and hit the Republic rung on the long slide down. To Allied, AIP. Then studios no one ever heard of, operating out of some slick guy’s house in the Valley.
They had bad teeth and head lice and some had smells on them when they came to the studio, like they hadn’t washed properly. The costume assistants always pinched their noses behind their backs.
It was a rough town for pretty girls. The only place it was.
Penny knew she had lost her shine long ago. Many men had rubbed it off, shimmy by shimmy.
But it was just as well, and she’d just as soon be in the war-paint business. When it rubbed off the girls, she could just get out her brushes, her powder puffs, and shine them up like new.
As she tapped the powder pots, though, her mind would wander. She began thinking about Larry bounding through the back lots. Would he have come to Republic with his wares? Maybe. Would he have soft-soaped her, hoping her bosses might have a taste for T. S. Eliot or a French deck?
By day she imagined him as a charmer, a cheery, silver-tongued roué.
But at night, back at the Canyon Arms, it was different.
You see, sometimes she thought she could see him moving, room to room, his face pale, his trousers soiled. Drinking and crying over someone, something, whatever he’d lost that he was sure wasn’t ever coming back.
There were sounds now. Sounds to go with the 2 a.m. lights, or the mice or whatever they were.
Tap-tap-tap.
At first she thought she was only hearing the banana trees brushing against the side of the bungalow. Peering out the window, the moon-filled courtyard, she couldn’t tell. The air looked very still.
Maybe, she thought, it’s the fan palms outside the kitchen window, so much lush foliage everywhere, just the thing she’d loved, but now it seemed to be touching her constantly, closing in.
And she didn’t like to go into the kitchen at night. The white tile glowed eerily, reminded her of something. The wide expanse of Mr. D.’s belly, his shirt pushed up, his watch chain hanging. The coaster of milk she left for the cat the morning she ran away from home. For Hollywood.
The mousetraps never caught anything. Every morning, after the rumpled sleep and all the flits and flickers along the wall, she moved them to different places. She looked for signs.
She never saw any.
One night, 3 a.m., she knelt down on the floor, running her fingers along the baseboards. With her ear to the wall, she thought the tapping might be coming from inside. A tap-tap-tap. Or was it a tick-tick-tick?
“I’ve never heard anything here,” Mr. Flant told her the following day, “but I take sedatives.”
Benny wrinkled his brow. “Once I saw pink elephants,” he offered. “You think that might be it?”
Penny shook her head. “It’s making it hard to sleep.”
“Dear,” Mr. Flant said, “would you like a little helper?”
He held out his palm, pale and moist. In the center, a white pill shone.
That night she slept impossibly deeply. So deeply she could barely move, her neck twisted and locked, her body hunched inside itself.
Upon waking, she threw up in the wastebasket.
That evening, after work, she waited in the courtyard for Mrs. Stahl.
Smoking cigarette after cigarette, Penny noticed things she hadn’t before. Some of the tiles in the courtyard were cracked, some missing. She hadn’t noticed that before. Or the chips and gouges on the sculpted lions on the center fountain, their mouths spouting only a trickle of acid green. The drain at the bottom of the fountain, clogged with crushed cigarette packs, a used contraceptive.
Finally she saw Mrs. Stahl saunter into view, a large picture hat wilting across her tiny head.
“Mrs. Stahl,” she said, “have you ever had an exterminator come?”
The woman stopped, her entire body still for a moment, her left hand finally rising to her face, brushing her hair back under her mustard-colored scarf.
“I run a clean residence,” she said, voice low in the empty, sunlit courtyard. That courtyard, oleander and wisteria everywhere, bright and poisonous, like everything in this town.