MADDIE: I was hoping to dance, drink, have fun. Get out of my head for a while, I guess.
NITA: What was in your head that you were hoping to get away from?
[. . .]
MADDIE: Uh. Stuff?
NITA: You don’t have to answer questions you’re not comfortable with.
MADDIE: Okay, I’m gonna not answer that one.
NITA: Totes fair, totes fair. Were you out alone last night?
MADDIE: I was by the time you got there. A couple of people I knew from work had come with me, but they went home early.
NITA: And you stayed.
MADDIE: Didn’t have any other plans for the night. And like I said, I wanted to, you know—
NITA: Get out of your head.
MADDIE: Yeah. And get laid, I guess. I mean, I don’t know if I put it like that to myself, but if we’re gonna be blunt about it, yeah. I wanted to find somebody. Or at least dance with somebody.
NITA: Just like Whitney, huh.
MADDIE: Who?
NITA: Seriously? You don’t—okay, we’re gonna deal with that later. But I will say that you are a serious outlier in my study, at least with your knowledge of eighties music.
MADDIE: Ooh, an outlier. I like the sound of that. Though I’m curious about how many other subjects you’ve, uh, interviewed.
NITA: We can talk about that later too. All right, this isn’t a normal question for my interviews, but . . . Can I ask about, uh—
[Static.]
NITA: What the hell?
[are you sure you]
MADDIE: Something wrong?
[want to]
NITA: Yeah, the recorder’s being weird. Piece of crap.
MADDIE: What were you going to ask?
NITA: The scars on your back. What are they from?
[. . .]
NITA: You don’t have to answer that if you don’t—
MADDIE: Yeah, I’ll pass. It’s, uh. Not really first-date material.
NITA: Sorry. [Clears throat.] Though if you’re amenable to follow-up interviews, you could give me your number.
[Laughter.]
MADDIE: Shit, that was smooth. Fine. Gimme your phone.
NITA: I’m gonna pause the recording, okay? We can finish the interview after breakfast. You don’t have anywhere to be, do you?
MADDIE: Nowhere I’m not happy to—
[End of recorded material.]
[Beginning of recorded material.]
[Voices, jazz music, rattling cutlery.]
NITA: Okay, so we are at KnockBox Café, Chicago, Illinois, and it is . . . 2:24 in the afternoon, September 29th, 2013. And I’m here with the lovely Maddie for our, ahem, follow-up interview.
MADDIE: Follow-up interview my ass. [Into microphone.] She asked me out on a date.
NITA: It’s an interview! I’m recording it!
MADDIE: How is this going to fit into your sexnography or whatever if we’re not actually . . .
NITA: In bed?
[Maddie clears her throat.]
NITA: Well, I’m not gonna make any presumptions, but, like, I’m not here just for the sake of science.
MADDIE: I thought it was art.
NITA: Sociologically influenced art.
MADDIE: Let your record show that I am rolling my eyes right now.
[Laughter.]
NITA: So I missed some of the questions on my initial interview, because a certain someone distracted me. You ready for them?
MADDIE: Let me get coffee first. I feel like I’m gonna need caffeine if you’re gonna ask me about my sex life in public.
NITA: Let me get your drink, okay? I promise, the imaginary ethics review board won’t object.
MADDIE: Okay. Can you get me a dirty chai? With soy milk?
NITA: Sure.
[21 seconds of ambient noise.]
MADDIE: This is so transparently a—maybe not a date, but it’s definitely a something. I have no idea why I am actually charmed by this. [Whispering into microphone.] It doesn’t hurt that you’re cute as hell.
[14 seconds of ambient noise.]
MADDIE: It’s been a long time since I felt like this. I don’t know if I . . .
[39 seconds of ambient noise.]
NITA: Okay. So. Are you from Chicago?
MADDIE: I’m from Washington. State, not D.C. A tiny mountain town up in the Cascades.
NITA: What’s it called?
MADDIE: You wouldn’t have heard of it. It’s a wide spot in the road called—
[Garbled.]
NITA: . . . Yeah, definitely haven’t heard of it.
MADDIE: Told you. Most people in Washington don’t even know it’s there.
NITA: What’s it like?
MADDIE: Used to be a logging town, now it’s a ghost town. Gray and rainy. Lots of forests, lots of overgrown clearcuts.
NITA: Is it pretty, at least? With the woods and the mountains?
MADDIE: I guess. Pretty isn’t really the word I’d use.
NITA: What word would you use, then? To describe it?
MADDIE: Hmmm. Fairy-tale-ish. But not the nice kind of fairy tale. Not something Disney would make into a movie.
NITA: [Laughs.] I’m gonna nod like I totally understand what you’re talking about.
MADDIE: You never read the old versions of fairy tales? The kind where, like, girls drown and turn into swans—
NITA: WHAT? Wait. You’re saying that [garbled] had, like, kids drowning and—
MADDIE: No! No. Just. Uh. My mom just had, uh, books when I was a kid, and I— It’s just like the sort of place where you could imagine things happening. Like Twin Peaks? Have you seen that? Sorta like that. Very David Lynch. Yeah.
[. . .]
NITA: . . . Okay! Moving on. So when did you move to Chicago?
MADDIE: Just this year.
NITA: From [garbled]?
MADDIE: No, no, I left there after, uh, 2009. I’ve lived in a few places since then.
NITA: Just get restless?
MADDIE: Something like that. I guess I, uh, haven’t really wanted to get tied down to a particular place.
NITA: Cool, I get that. Sorta. I grew up in the suburbs and then, like, moved here for college. Anyway. Next question: do you still talk to your parents and—
MALE VOICE: I got a latte and a dirty chai with soy!
MADDIE: I’ll get them.
[. . .]
NITA: Thanks.
MADDIE: Thank you. You’re the one who bought them. So . . . I don’t really want to talk about my parents, if that’s okay?
NITA: Of course! Yeah. Like I said, this is—
MADDIE: Have you seriously asked everyone that you’ve . . . you know. Slept with. Have you asked them these questions?
NITA: Yeah. I mean, it’s a little less awkward when you’ve already, like, stuck your face in someone’s pussy.
MADDIE: . . . True. I guess.
[. . .]
NITA: Did I make it weird? I think I made it weird.
MADDIE: No, it’s fine.
NITA: I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I’m just . . . curious. About you.
[The ambient noise briefly dips in volume. One of them breathes. The other fiddles nervously with a pen. The moment passes; conversations and the music resume.]
MADDIE: It’s okay. I mean. Also I don’t know how to tell you this, but, uh. You’re interviewing the randos you take home for sex, it was never not gonna be weird.
NITA: [Sighs.] Yeah, fair.
MADDIE: It’s all right. I’m used to weird.
NITA: Sounds like it.
[. . .]
MADDIE: What? Is there something on my face?
NITA: No, it’s not . . . Can I just . . .
MADDIE: What?
NITA: Would you mind if I kissed you? I just . . . I’m curious.
MADDIE: Yeah. Yeah, all right.
[. . .]
[Soft laughter.]
NITA: [Softly.] Yeah, that’s as good as I remember.